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this post was submitted on 19 Aug 2024
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traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns
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I'm really sorry you're feeling so bad and hope things get better soon
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Your first post is extremely relatable, just that ambient foggy kind of mental distance between yourself and other people and the world. It's a nearly constant companion but it ebbs and flows for me and lately it's been pretty thick and just feels like some kind of background radiation or ground electrical hum to me where complete strangers or traffic noises are all somehow passively hostile to me in particular, like I'm just fundamentally out of phase with the world in a way that creates feedback and dissonance around the people are in phase with it, idk. (yes, I do have a GAD diagnosis lol, but it's... different lately in a way that's hard to place.SH stuff
spoiler spoiler I used to cut when I was younger and now wish I hadn't, but I know the impulse well. I have some pretty noticeable scars on my arm that I eventually would like to cover up with some kind of sleeve tattoo but that's not really in the cards recently. I hope you can be kinder to yourself, I know how hard that can be and how annoying it can be to hear from someone else when you feel like total shit, but I felt compelled to say that.
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Thank you
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Exactly. That's the exact feeling. What's gad by the way?I have some too, this is kind of my second time around. Only some spots have scarred, but what is there I can't really get work done over unfortunately. Hope you get your sleeve soon, tattoos are cool too.
It just hurts and I need it to stop. Thank you.
GAD=generalized anxiety disorder.
Medication, alcohol
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Not presuming you have it too but just as a PSA for anyone, if a shrink ever prescribes you hydroxyzine for anxiety, that's actually an off label use for it and it's actually an antihistamine that interacts very badly with alcohol and you're never supposed to drink while taking it, which they warn people about for its on label uses but the quack I saw sure as shit didn't tell me. At the time I was prescribed that, I was a functioning alcoholic and the first time those two things interacted, I went from "this is a normal amount of drinking to me that I'm used to and would normally be pleasantly mildly drunk but alert and coherent" to "blacked out and fainted abruptly and was heavily slurring and needed someone's help walking to bed"spoiler
That sucks, I hope you can find healthier coping mechanisms. Meditation? I know derealization well and it didn’t help that much? Maybe wouldn’ve been worse? What always brings me out of my rut of misery is a random ADHD (?) high. It gives me ideas and energy and good feelings. For example I realized a big part of my disordered eating (mostly just thoughts) was largely OCD. It helps me a lot when I suddenly realize I don’t have to believe my thoughts. They are not me. Thankfully self harm scares me too much to consider, though “fortunately” I have a knife collection “in case.” (Sorry if my “dark jokes” come off as insensitive. Shit, now I read that and it sounds like I’m a prick/gen) Thinking of a greentext about some dude being turned off by scars.Thank you, I hope so too. Fortunately I am feeling better right now.
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You should get rid of that knife collection.And please don't say things like this under my comments. It kinda hurts.
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I’ve never had the urge, I’m sure I’ll be fine. I actually use them for outdoors and plant stuff etc.
My apologies. The AuDHD urge to say everything I’m thinking and simply pre-emptively apologize because there’s probably something offensive in there but I’m not sure what.