spoiler
Thank you for talking with me, I hope you understand the late replies. Family stuff is good, outside of transition. I see what you mean now. Doubt they could mind their business with it. Plus, tbh, I'm not sure if I actually do want to give up my tools anyway.
Its not okay. I am very much not okay, I need hrt and transition stuff to maybe, start being okay again. And I can't. Maybe that's enough time. I feel really worried about being out in a year~ though, especially putting a timer on it. Being on my own will help a lot with this stuff though, yea.
Good to know I'm making the right choice avoiding inpatient. I'm in outpatient, he's shit about trans stuff but I can't really switch. I've thought about getting back on meds, I don't remember them doing anything for me last time I was on them though so that doesn't really make me want to start again. Tried around a dozen. I know I should stop self harm. I don't like it either.
I don't have much to say to this, thank you for sharing your struggle with ocd and urges.
spoiler
Actually getting it is difficult, and the cis noticing is the other big concern. Even if I'm guaranteed an amount of time... I just don't know if that's enough to be independent. That sounds very scary, don't have girl clothes anyway. I should try coming out to friends though. Keep meaning to.
(I hope this doesn't sound snarky, I don't mean it to) It isn't just thoughts. It is a lot of thoughts, but I do act on them sometimes. Family yea, they know I did I little while ago but I never talk with them about it and haven't had anything visible since they found out. I do not want them "holding me accountable", fuck that oh my god. idk not your fault for bringing up the idea, but that's wrapped in so much church language for me. Inpatient... :/ I don't know how I feel about that... Hope I'm communicating my thoughts okay, sorry just having a moment.
dysphoria
Body is awful. I feel very disconnected from it a lot of the time, any time I get brought back I hate it. This is all wrong.
Some stuff (and hopefully a lot of the mental stuff) will improve with hrt. But I don't know if I can/should start right now. Even still there's other stuff that won't be fixed. Will I ever like and accept my body. spoiler self harm urges Whatever bad vibes my body is giving me (can't tell if it's dysphoria or something else), it really makes me want to cut my arms. Only stopped by scars. Giving in and doing something non scarring (like a band) wouldn't stop the urges.
Maybe (and maybe this is not a good idea, obviously I'm feeling awful and want to self harm so my ideas are not good) if I just told them I was self harming and need to transition they'd understand... How could anyone leave me like this. :::
Perfect, so am I
Oh that's really nice!
spoiler
I was wondering if the only resolution I'd get was after doing the cycle enough times, but I wasn't sure what that would even look like with how horrible everything I've seen has been.
I'm surprised. I tried to let her out, maybe twice? One time I definitely remember her deciding to kill us both. I did notice how complicated some of her states are, the ghost form sticks out at me as being really hard to navigate. I'll try to avoid the house again too, I tried that once and the game forced me to enter.
Thank you, I definitely will. I knew there would be endings I didn't see, I didn't know how varied they would be. I tried trusting her a few times, it seemed to end badly for me. Very interested to see all the other paths.
I have started playing Slay the Princess, a indie horror visual novel with hand drawn art. Its fully voice acted and has weird time stuff. Its a good game, its even on gog, if you like that kind of thing. Some spoilers ahead, although I haven't finished the game yet. Oh and a CW/spoiler for the game:
spoiler
In one of the endings you commit suicide in a very violent way. Its obvious its coming, I'm not sure if its avoidable or if sensitive players should just cut that story loop short. I don't remember if there's any gore in that particular ending, but there is gore in other endings.
spoiler
The game immediately feels eerie. The atmosphere is full of dread. You can try to turn around, but are unable to actually do so. If you test the barriers of the game, you are pushed to the cabin. The cabin starts bare, with only a knife on a table. You grab it, or don't, and enter the basement. The narrator reminds you repeatedly through this whole process how dangerous the princess is and how important slaying her is, and how it must be done immediately.
There's a lot of dialog options in the basement. None of them work out for you, the player. She is a demon. A trickster, who can't be believed. Once in the basement, unless you stick exactly to the script you die. Sometimes you can kill her first. If you try to leave the basement, another (unknown) character locks you inside. Its too late to be saved at this point.
Assuming you don't get the "good" ending, after you (and possibly her) die you get brought to the beginning. Things change, depending on how you died and what dialog options you chose previously. The cabin changes, the state you find her in is different, you get different dialog. You start to splinter, there are more voices in your head. The voice of the broken, of cold. Your internal monologue becomes chaotic. But in a way, nothing changes. You are still supposed to kill the princess, and it becomes much harder. I'm not sure if there are any "good" endings past day one. If you don't defeat her perfectly and live in the void the narrator gives you, you become trapped in a cycle of violence. You die more, you get more voices, she becomes more powerful. It feels completely hopeless.
One of the endings (I don't completely remember how to get back here but I believe you have to kill her enough times?) she, this creature, possesses you. You hear her voice within your own head. Telling you to bring her to the rest of the world. That can't happen. She has proven herself to kill you if given any opportunity. You can't befriend her. I threw myself into a void, killing both of us. She is twisted and sick. Vengeful. She needs you to let her out. Once you start engaging with her, you are already doomed. She can't be entertained at all. If you do kill her at the very beginning and live, your life is empty. Floating in a void, told you are happy.
Maybe I'm 
a bit, but this is the most hopeless a game has made me feel. This game reminds me a lot of depression.
I haven't finished the game yet, there are more paths I need to explore. There's an overarching plot line I haven't seen through yet. And I'm hoping to watch a video essay or two about the game, just to make sure I haven't missed anything and to hear other's thoughts on the experience. Anyway, that's my thoughts on the game at this point, its quite the experience for me.
Its pretty consistent, even though its later then it should be. Good chance its depression type stuff, or maybe sleeping is just a fuck for me. Either way I'm not tired enough to fall back to sleep so 
what can I really do.
After Yuzu got shut down I'm not sure what this leaves people with for switch emulators. I'm going to try and find archives and will update the post when I do.
Last windows build: archive.org
Slightly older, but has linux and mac builds archive.org
Okay there we go, a github mirror: https://git.naxdy.org/Mirror/Ryujinx
I know not many of you care about LLMs/other ai models but I think this really shows the amount of loneliness and in our society. Look at how it presents itself on Google. As an AI that feels alive, always available, that understands you. People don't use this service to summarize text or get help with their programming homework like they might chatgpt. They are selling artificial companionship.
I have absolutely no idea what he says in the video and probably won't watch it. I just thought the thumbnail was really funny.
edit: oh just to add he is a finance ghoul, so be warned. I only sub for the crypto and rap content.
I think this movement is being led by paid MAGA and Russian operatives [161]
It does feel like it and Chinas stepping in now too cause they see how easily Russia did it the last time. I’m so tired of this. [38]
It’s sad how easily people in the left leaning subs fall for it. [78]
Claiming Biden is supporting/committing genocide is 100% Russian propoganda [33]
I think these stupid memes are being created by DNC and AIPAC staff. I guess we really DO need Liz Cheney to be our spokesperson, to say what needs to be said, because all the Democrats got is, "Vote for Biden or you get the Trump!" [-22]Why do you HATE President Biden so much? I looked at your post history, you act like you would prefer your finger nails pulled out than acknowledge when the President does something good (which is quite often) [24]
(this is one comment with two line breaks) Nah democrats are saying a lot more than that, but if you only pay attention to memes on tiktok it may seem that way.
I'm voting for Biden because he's been a great president, and one of the most progressive presidents in decades. He's putting us on a path of worker focused economic policy, made big strides in fighting climate change, and implemented a whole host of domestic policies focused on helping people in need.
I'd be voting for Biden regardless of who he was running against. I'm also glad he's not throwing caution to the wind, tearing up treaties and abandoning allies (even if we think they deserve it) before attempting diplomacy. [22]
"Both sides are bad" people are ultimate fucking idiots. The Dems and GOP have gone so far apart in the past 2 decades, they could be on different planets. All the Republicans do nowadays is make policies that say, "No, ur policy is WrOnG. Let's just do the complete opposite of what the Dems are saying without actually contributing to any helpful resolution" No fucking originality, just 100% contradictory opinions with zero basis in fact. I'm no fan of Biden's age but actually his administration has achieved a lot for a President with a completely divided Congress [score hidden]
Im convinced the “protest voting” crowd are just Russian trolls or useful idiots that Russian trolls brainwashed. [72]
You are entirely correct in that assessment. [26]
Ah yes, the "protest voters" with FirstwordSecondwordNumber usernames that always post in daytime hours for Moscow and "hate Trump but want to send a message to the Democrats" with their vote. [33]
This is kinda the end of highly upvoted comments, so these are legally bonus content:
At this point if you genuinely can’t see all the steps biden is taking against Israel and think he’s pro genocide even tho he’s stopping a bigger genocide in Ukraine and actively announcing his disappointment in the Netanyahu regime then I don’t know how to help you.
His Gaza policies are not terrible. They are doing exactly what is allowed by law and without actively declaring war on Israel. But that's probably what HAMAS sympathizers want.
Biden has a good Gaza policy. Pushing for peace and getting aid across. He also has a “status quo” policy on Israel that’s been going on for decades.
reddit and archive.org
I'm honestly wondering if I'm the one in a bubble. Has biden actually done something good in Gaza while my back was turned? If any libs see this, please elaborate. "worker focused economic policy"? Where, when?
Hi Eco
Its not unwelcome, thank you for the advice.