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this post was submitted on 19 Aug 2024
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traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns
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sad
Just this low hanging fog over life today. I feel like an observer. Lots of dysphoria and envy. I just wish I looked different, had different clothes. It's a haze right now.The bad part is he keeps misgendering me. Need to tell him to stop. Just wasn't feeling it today. Too sad to bother.
Oh also he seems to think "extremes" are bad, example being just immediately and uncritically accepting someone is trans. Fucking hell. Apparently questioning someone about it is good, actually. His example was asking if someone was being brainwashed. Idk he's just a fucker sometimes.
self harm
Tried to self harm the other day, knife is too dull and useless to do anything. Pisses me off I don't even have the option if I need it. So with that coping mechanism gone idk what to do if I start feeling worse.EDIT: I am now feeling better
Tap for spoiler
I'd understand if he was talking about being cis. People are bullied into pretending to be cis and cis people generally don't really think about their gender much. Trans people, otoh, should just be believed if they want that (personally, when I came out as sorta-questioning to my brother, I wanted pushback because it gave me an excuse to elaborate, but that's not some cis person's decision about it being "better" and generally an exception to the rule).
more of a therapist being a fucker, transphobia prolly
Exactly! He also said some people might like, pretend to be trans/get convinced they are trans to fit in with a group (lgbt people). And like, wtf? And if my parents bring that up I should agree that some people do that but that isn't me?? Apparently he thinks making them feel understood by agreeing and being "in the middle of extremes" will make it go better.spoiler
I worried my parents might think I'm just doing it to be trendy or something because I happened to start questioning around the time my brother started seeing a trans person. Except... I didn't know that at the very early stages of question.Because my parents are lesbians, sometimes the gatherings at my parent's place often turn into primarily queer gatherings (but usually only representation for the L). Although I'd be the first in our family to come out specifically as trans AFAIK. My parents have been cool role models for the lesbians in their families, so I guess trying to be the same on the genderqueer side of the rainbow could be a motivation to come out.
Part of the reason I worry my mom might think its just a trend is I could see her falling into the "if trans people are right, then everyone would be trans" because of projecting her own affinity for presenting as and being seen as a guy. OTOH, I think her own rejection of femininity makes it less likely that and more likely "how could someone want that?"
Fuckin centrists (can’t find a video that is good enough, but whatever).
Personally I initially explored gender because I knew a lot of trans people, but I found that I never really identified with being a boy and could find gender non-conforming thoughts in my history. I also found it very easy to philosophically/intellectually justify gender abolition, I just wasn’t sure how best to go about it.
I found a YouTube link in your comment. Here are links to the same video on alternative frontends that protect your privacy:
spoiler
I'm really sorry you're feeling so bad and hope things get better soon
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Your first post is extremely relatable, just that ambient foggy kind of mental distance between yourself and other people and the world. It's a nearly constant companion but it ebbs and flows for me and lately it's been pretty thick and just feels like some kind of background radiation or ground electrical hum to me where complete strangers or traffic noises are all somehow passively hostile to me in particular, like I'm just fundamentally out of phase with the world in a way that creates feedback and dissonance around the people are in phase with it, idk. (yes, I do have a GAD diagnosis lol, but it's... different lately in a way that's hard to place.SH stuff
spoiler spoiler I used to cut when I was younger and now wish I hadn't, but I know the impulse well. I have some pretty noticeable scars on my arm that I eventually would like to cover up with some kind of sleeve tattoo but that's not really in the cards recently. I hope you can be kinder to yourself, I know how hard that can be and how annoying it can be to hear from someone else when you feel like total shit, but I felt compelled to say that.
:::
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Thank you
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Exactly. That's the exact feeling. What's gad by the way?I have some too, this is kind of my second time around. Only some spots have scarred, but what is there I can't really get work done over unfortunately. Hope you get your sleeve soon, tattoos are cool too.
It just hurts and I need it to stop. Thank you.
GAD=generalized anxiety disorder.
Medication, alcohol
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Not presuming you have it too but just as a PSA for anyone, if a shrink ever prescribes you hydroxyzine for anxiety, that's actually an off label use for it and it's actually an antihistamine that interacts very badly with alcohol and you're never supposed to drink while taking it, which they warn people about for its on label uses but the quack I saw sure as shit didn't tell me. At the time I was prescribed that, I was a functioning alcoholic and the first time those two things interacted, I went from "this is a normal amount of drinking to me that I'm used to and would normally be pleasantly mildly drunk but alert and coherent" to "blacked out and fainted abruptly and was heavily slurring and needed someone's help walking to bed"spoiler
That sucks, I hope you can find healthier coping mechanisms. Meditation? I know derealization well and it didn’t help that much? Maybe wouldn’ve been worse? What always brings me out of my rut of misery is a random ADHD (?) high. It gives me ideas and energy and good feelings. For example I realized a big part of my disordered eating (mostly just thoughts) was largely OCD. It helps me a lot when I suddenly realize I don’t have to believe my thoughts. They are not me. Thankfully self harm scares me too much to consider, though “fortunately” I have a knife collection “in case.” (Sorry if my “dark jokes” come off as insensitive. Shit, now I read that and it sounds like I’m a prick/gen) Thinking of a greentext about some dude being turned off by scars.Thank you, I hope so too. Fortunately I am feeling better right now.
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You should get rid of that knife collection.And please don't say things like this under my comments. It kinda hurts.
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I’ve never had the urge, I’m sure I’ll be fine. I actually use them for outdoors and plant stuff etc.
My apologies. The AuDHD urge to say everything I’m thinking and simply pre-emptively apologize because there’s probably something offensive in there but I’m not sure what.
self-harm coping mechanisms
I'm glad you're feeling better, for future reference I thought I might give some advice on what helped with me.let me just quote this paper that they gave me for anxiety coping mechanisms:
there's also some good ones that I've personally used like putting a rubber band on your wrist and using it to hit your wrist or digging a nail into your wrist without causing the skin to break. Also just doing stuff with your hands with a singular focus until you feel better.
you can also write down on a paper why harming yourself would be good or bad for you, with a focus on what the consequences would be. Like how would it make you feel short term? How about long term? You should try to be objective when weighing both the pros and the cons.
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Thank you. Its been a while since I have dealt with self harm like this so I have forgotten a lot of the coping mechanisms I used to use. I'll try to remember and I wrote this advice down.spoiler
i hope you won't need it, cutie. but....yeah. you're welcome.Of course. You (in particular, but also people in general) always will. Feelings are transient. Not like I follow my own advice, but try to find comfort in the fact that your negative feelings aren’t there forever.