yeah, that's through going private. and the wait times for doing it through the nhs are like two years before first appointment (still dwarfed by the trans waiting lists of probably a decade+, but still)

What kind of awareness are you talking about, how did that help you?

I'll cover this in 3 areas. Media, therapy, and life changes.

disclaimer: i am not formally diagnosed, i just took a few tests online and then dove headfirst into a rabbit hole and have been obsessing over this stuff, and I'm not experienced and there's way more experienced people in this thread even that probably know better lol but I can at least share my perspective.

Media

ok so i started reading a LOT of books on it, here's some good ones that helped me:

• Unmasking Autism by Dr. Devon Price . This one has a lot of exercises to help you, I wrote a lot of notes. Also written by a fellow trans and by an anarchist, so is quite intersectional.
• What I Mean When I Say I'm Autistic by Annie Kotowicz. This one is short, and gives a different perspective.
• Different, Not Less by Chloe Hayden (I don't know how to type accents on my laptop sorry). She's got a unique life experience as she was heavily ostracized growing up, but she's encouraging and positive about finding your "happily ever after."

and one I'm not sure if I'd recommend yet:

• NeuroTribes. This one is difficult to read. Nazis are really really bad, and it's not much of a self-help book, but I still find it interesting to read about the history of autism, and to see it from an "outside perspective."

when I was 10 years younger and before my adhd diagnosing-doctor dismissed my questions about aspergers, I read Rudy Simone's Aspergirls. I barely remember it, haha. The VN/game/thing called "To The Moon" started my journey 10 years ago, and caused my life to fall apart because of how distressed I was that my life was basically a lie. I then forgot about all of it once the doctor was dismissive because I "didn't look autistic," so I'm making up for lost time.

some youtube channels that I've found helpful:

• "I'm Autistic, Now What?" https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC5pWjSetrqTg7BWwclunyGA She goes deep into research and has good vibes. Her video on monotropism is really good, as well as some of her stories about her childhood. I also just really really like her attitude, I find her very comforting.
• a_lilian https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCmMubqzMeJDrW7u6d4SJh-Q IMMACULATE vibes and really relatable stories.
• JaidenAnimations https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGwu0nbY2wSkW8N-cghnLpA is super popular and you've probably heard of her/ seen the ADHD video but I actually really liked her Hatsune Miku video ... and now I have a DDR pad again and oh god my legs are sore

Therapy

i've had a LOT of bad therapy appts since I was not able to unmask, but I found an ND therapist and around her I felt safe enough to unmask and she actually got me on this journey. she indeed is a cool therapist.

i did a bunch of tests following the appointments, including a bunch on embrace-autism.com (of course) . i started branching out and doing other ones than just the AQ, RAADS-R, doing them over several days once i had more of a chance to be introspective. I branched out and started doing the alexithymia tests, etc. and found out that I struggle to process emotions.

I had a moment in therapy yesterday where my therapist was complimenting me, and I felt actually nauseous - the same feeling I get in a lot of intense situations. so I'm starting to realize that there are some issues there with expressing emotions.

She suggested practicing "radical self-acceptance." When I notice something about myself, I frame it like this: "I'm feeling angry at all of the teachers that told me I wasn't 'trying hard enough' in school, and that's okay." The format is "___, and that's okay." It's cheesy. My partner and I do it as a joke, but we're both secretly taking it seriously.

Life Changes

so i'm early on in this, but realizing I struggle with inertia a lot, and how much I need to go into a flow state to be okay and avoid the "meerkat mode" or "flexible mode" (as it's called in Annie's book).

• you can just buy weighted blankets from wal-mart, you don't need like a diagnosis or anything. i'm using one right now while i'm in a boring work meeting and it helps.
• i mentioned the face picking in another thread, i found an alternate stim that doesn't harm me (elastic band on wrist)
• i decided to get back into one of my interests from my childhood, which was DDR. finding a way to be able to get exercise that tickles my brain has always been a challenge and so it's very fun again.
• noise cancelling headphones. the first time i turned on noise cancelling in a quiet room, i felt like i was playing the sims and just hit the pause button. it. was. perfect. however, this made it more obvious how much i need a reduced sensory environment to focus, and that's helping me re-form my life.
• trying to re-learn how to stim in general, or transform harmful stims into not harmful ones. i really bottle emotions and can get very "backed up" emotionally - i notice this with positive emotions as well as negative ones. i've always been ostracized for showing joy before (sadly, this happens to adults too, if you've heard about Chloe Hayden's recent difficulties with the internet), so I'm re-learning how to express these things in an authentic way (although it helps to think of it for me as "in an autistic way" since that makes it clear to myself that it's different than what most people do and that's okay)
• one thing I really liked about a_lilian's videos was their video on sensory torments - I love the bits where they're like "I thought people would complain or ask a lot of questions about X, but it turns out nobody cared." this is literally the perfect vibe. I'm still planning to mask as much as possible in social situations, as I don't want to lose my job.
• the big thing is just letting it sink in that I'm disabled, and I shouldn't hold myself to either NT standards or the ridiculously high standards that I was setting for myself (which was actually the more intense of the two). Autism supports for people in my position, from what I've seen, are "accept that you will be able to do less" and "get noise-cancelling headphones." The latter is easier than the formet.

Sorry, wrote a novel. It's been a long couple of weeks for me.

EDIT: one more video, this one is 6 minutes and described my entire life: https://youtu.be/qa5v1a2H-xs