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alright gang, we need another win over the news mega this week! keep those numbers up and keep being trans as hell 
Here is a screenshot of where to find the spoiler button.
shout out to t4t dating
it's good and based and when I see trans people on reddit be dismissive of dating other trans people I just get sad lol
t4t is just so much more safe physically and mentally. it helps a lot to date a person who knows the shit you struggle with, hot take
even times I have dated queer cis people, it's kinda blegh. are there some good cis people? yeah ofc. like an ex boyfriend of mine who was bi said us dating was kind of gay, when like no you're a cis dude and I want to be respected as a woman, that's not 'kind of gay' you're just being transphobic
Chat, what is wrong with the cis?
oh fuck that ๐ sorry you had to deal with that
what woman who has dated men doesn't have a 'shitty ex boyfriend' story
absolutely, even if another trans person hasn't been through exactly the same things, they're much more likely to be understanding and empathetic
FTFY, but yeah, i never trust a trans person who's dismissive of t4t, it's a highly reliable indicator of really bad brainworms.
real tho. I hang around reddit trans spaces a bit because it's not blocked at work, but it would never be my first place to go
Is it bad that I kinda hate this?
not at all, it's embarrassing
Yeag
like, dating preferences sure, but I can never help the brainbug that tells me this attitude always comes from transphobia, probably internalised. Idk I don't trust it.
Power to all the trans people who have cool cis partners, but couldn't be me. I wouldn't 100% preclude the possibility, but I need to be able to look at my partner and say "Gender!" and have them understand, I guess. Talk through my own goofy gender stuff at length, with someone I'm certain has thought it through too. T4T life honestly
In general Idk if you can trust people with "dating preferences" that single out identities or marginalised groups the way anti-t4t dorks, or their close cousins anti-trans cis people do?
Found the cisphobe/j
I don't think I could be with another cis person at this point.
Fundamentally I feel a trans person will understand me where cis haven't and I know there are good cis people but I dunno, the last cis person I dated was also an abuser so there is that too..
Trans reddit feels like another world cause it doesn't feel in line with other trans people i've talked to or my own ideas of transness
Why are they dismissive, like genital preference stuff? (just the only thing I can think of?) Yea dating t4t sounds amazing.
they're usually assimilationists who want to be done with transitioning. often the types who will say they only have cis friends too
But... you still could be "done with it"? Maybe I'm thinking about it wrong but I imagine being a decade+ into it... nothing is really changing?
Kinda sounds like they don't want to think about it ever again though, that's kinda sad. I kinda get it I guess.
I came out in the mid-2000s and being trans is still a pretty big unavoidable part of my life. Being "finished transitioning" was a highly desirable state in a lot of trans communities back then, but for like 90+% of people it's a fantasy and for the rest it's a dangerous place to be that could be shattered at any moment.
Like, increasing visibility of trans people and modern internet has made "deep stealth" something you would need to be unbelievably brainwormed to attempt.
My partner is cis (real cis. The kinda cis where you interrogate your gender and come out thinking "nah, being a guy kicks ass actually"). Most of my friends and all of my family are cis. I will never not be trans.
Cis++
My bf is more cis than yours.
Anyone who has had an egg bf im shambles rn !
Oh no, I've had a whole bunch of those too.
+1 on that. I try not to be harsh and quick to pass judgement, but as someone who did it for a while, all it did was make me lonely and sad and make the worst transition related decision that I'm still working through
would not recommend
So I see a lot of people (or at least some people I guess) talking about how they always pass in public and whatnot. Is that different then what you are talking about? Because if you pass, and just never mention it... that seems like something a lot of people could do. (as long as I have not been misled about how many people can actually pass one day
would not be surprised). I guess your partner would probably know... but I'm not sure I understand why you think its a fantasy for 90%+ (even if its not actually desirable). Or maybe I don't understand what you mean by super stealth. I know that you know more about this topic, obviously.
I agree that it definitely feels like it would stick with me too. But idk, I see why people would want to "move past being trans", especially with how much trauma that can come with.
Also I didn't realize you'd been out for that long, that's awesome!
There's "I pass to the strangers I interact with on a daily basis, maybe even my friends don't know I'm trans" and there's "nobody will ever know I'm trans and I will take this secret to the grave." The first is extremely achievable, we're gonna make it girlies, but the latter was what so many people were interested in back in the day.
Maybe "finish transitioning" isn't the concept I'm going for here... My body has done basically all the major changes that I'm going for so maybe I'm "finished", but back then the talk was all deep stealth and "disappearing into the woodwork" and there was this emphasis not just on passing, but also essentially not being trans anymore - cutting off everyone you knew before, pretending that you're cis if anyone suspects anything...very self-harmful way of living imo.
This mega is a good mix of babytrans and oldheads, adult transitioners and ~~youngshits~~ people who transitioned in their youth, it's wholesome as hell.
Hmm, yea that makes sense and does sound really toxic. Treating being trans like a dirty secret is not good.
It is, I really love the mix here. I really can't imagine a space where its all people exactly like me.
Hey I love our young transitioners
They aren't shits.
I used to be a youngshit, but then they changed what young was. Now my young isn't shit, and what's shit seems weird and scary to me.
It'll happen to you too.
(As someone who came out as a teen in college, It's rad as fuck that more people are able to transition younger and with family support. Youngshit is just the one bit of tttt wordpoison that I find too funny to give up. It's like, a weird compliment, tinged with jealousy. Powerful.)
lol.
It is really funny, and I am envious of them ~~and you, and most people tbh at least a little bit~~. I just don't want anyone transitioning younger to feel weird I guess, especially since I feel like I heard one of them say that. Very rad though.
Almost everyone wishes they came out earlier. It's a pretty universal trans experience shared across ages.
I guess that's probably true.
Better not to think about it, or I'll get sad and dysphoric. Thanks for explaining to me.
Interestingly, I'm glad I didn't realize I was trans earlier than I did! I was like 27, partway through grad school, had good health insurance and a supportive environment (including the best partner ever, love that guy), my parents couldn't say shit, and I'd already spent years living as a woman, interrogating what womanhood meant to me, before deciding I didn't want it. (Don't want manhood either, my gender is "no thank you, I'm good".)
Sure, I maybe could have avoided some pain and awkwardness if I'd realized I was trans sooner. On the other hand, as cool as my parents are, I don't think they would have let me transition as a kid and that would have been a whole different level of hell I don't think I would have dealt with very well. And given the conservative area we lived in, the bullying would have been off the charts, and I was already bullied. No thanks.
Also, I kind of like the empathy and understanding of women that living for so long as one has given me. I know from personal experience what it's like to be a woman in a male-dominated profession, and if I'd transitioned earlier I wouldn't have had that same experience.
I'm glad I've transitioned, I'm much more myself now, but I don't mind having lived 27 or so years of my life as a woman, it was alright. A mask and a performance, yes, but an enlightening one that usually wasn't too constricting.
I feel that a lot actually. I grew up in the 80s and 90s, transitioning as a kid would've been outright impossible back then unless my parents would've moved the entire family to the Netherlands or smth. That was the only place where that was a possibility back then. And i seriously struggle to think of a way i could've dealt with knowing that i was trans in the early 00s. Like, i could see this working out in my favor if we're talking some time travel scenario where i go back knowing all that i know rn, but if i had to navigate the nightmare levels of medical gatekeeping that existed back then on my own, without prior knowledge, at a time where my sexuality automatically made me inelligible from receiving any gender affirming care, my life would've just been constant unsolveable dysphoria with no way out.
Same, I knew I was different, found out from the crying game basically..that similar people to me existed then spent the rest of the 90s trying to avoid the transphobia
I've seen you mention it a few times, what is the crying game?
It's a bad 90s movie that got way too much traction and sparked a ton of transphobia through the 90s.
It's a prime example of a shock twist surprise transgender reveal, plenty of them going back.. Ace Ventura parodies it.
Trans healthcare before informed consent was commonplace was soooo fucked. I'm glad my first therapist was willing to lie about "Real Life Experience" for me.
Informed consent still isn't commonplace outside of the US and Canada, btw. I still had to get letters from a psychologist to access any gender affirming care, the barriers are just lower now.
Are you not also a "youngshit"?
(Holy fuck I hate this brainrot)
idk, probably. I can buy booze though and fully went through T puberty so
not like I have my shit together any better then was I was a teen though.
I dunno if puberty factors in, like I did not fully escape it and people still call me that lmao. Shoutouts to not having your shit together though โจ
This is probably just my age talking but I thought escaping puberty was the big thing. Maybe I am actually a youngshit myself :)
Thanks I am struggling โจ
We struggle together