this post was submitted on 05 Aug 2024
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traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns

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alright gang, we need another win over the news mega this week! keep those numbers up and keep being trans as hell cat-trans meow-knife-trans cat-trans

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[โ€“] BountifulEggnog@hexbear.net 7 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) (1 children)

So I see a lot of people (or at least some people I guess) talking about how they always pass in public and whatnot. Is that different then what you are talking about? Because if you pass, and just never mention it... that seems like something a lot of people could do. (as long as I have not been misled about how many people can actually pass one day owl-pissed would not be surprised). I guess your partner would probably know... but I'm not sure I understand why you think its a fantasy for 90%+ (even if its not actually desirable). Or maybe I don't understand what you mean by super stealth. I know that you know more about this topic, obviously.

I agree that it definitely feels like it would stick with me too. But idk, I see why people would want to "move past being trans", especially with how much trauma that can come with.

Also I didn't realize you'd been out for that long, that's awesome!

[โ€“] Babs@hexbear.net 15 points 4 months ago (1 children)

There's "I pass to the strangers I interact with on a daily basis, maybe even my friends don't know I'm trans" and there's "nobody will ever know I'm trans and I will take this secret to the grave." The first is extremely achievable, we're gonna make it girlies, but the latter was what so many people were interested in back in the day.

Maybe "finish transitioning" isn't the concept I'm going for here... My body has done basically all the major changes that I'm going for so maybe I'm "finished", but back then the talk was all deep stealth and "disappearing into the woodwork" and there was this emphasis not just on passing, but also essentially not being trans anymore - cutting off everyone you knew before, pretending that you're cis if anyone suspects anything...very self-harmful way of living imo.

Also I didn't realize you'd been out for that long, that's awesome!

This mega is a good mix of babytrans and oldheads, adult transitioners and ~~youngshits~~ people who transitioned in their youth, it's wholesome as hell.

[โ€“] BountifulEggnog@hexbear.net 10 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Hmm, yea that makes sense and does sound really toxic. Treating being trans like a dirty secret is not good.

It is, I really love the mix here. I really can't imagine a space where its all people exactly like me.

Hey I love our young transitioners maddened They aren't shits.

[โ€“] Babs@hexbear.net 8 points 4 months ago (1 children)

I used to be a youngshit, but then they changed what young was. Now my young isn't shit, and what's shit seems weird and scary to me.

It'll happen to you too.

(As someone who came out as a teen in college, It's rad as fuck that more people are able to transition younger and with family support. Youngshit is just the one bit of tttt wordpoison that I find too funny to give up. It's like, a weird compliment, tinged with jealousy. Powerful.)

[โ€“] BountifulEggnog@hexbear.net 6 points 4 months ago (2 children)

lol.

It is really funny, and I am envious of them ~~and you, and most people tbh at least a little bit~~. I just don't want anyone transitioning younger to feel weird I guess, especially since I feel like I heard one of them say that. Very rad though.

[โ€“] Babs@hexbear.net 7 points 4 months ago (2 children)

Almost everyone wishes they came out earlier. It's a pretty universal trans experience shared across ages.

[โ€“] BountifulEggnog@hexbear.net 6 points 4 months ago

I guess that's probably true.

Better not to think about it, or I'll get sad and dysphoric. Thanks for explaining to me.

[โ€“] Hexagons@hexbear.net 5 points 4 months ago (2 children)

Interestingly, I'm glad I didn't realize I was trans earlier than I did! I was like 27, partway through grad school, had good health insurance and a supportive environment (including the best partner ever, love that guy), my parents couldn't say shit, and I'd already spent years living as a woman, interrogating what womanhood meant to me, before deciding I didn't want it. (Don't want manhood either, my gender is "no thank you, I'm good".)

Sure, I maybe could have avoided some pain and awkwardness if I'd realized I was trans sooner. On the other hand, as cool as my parents are, I don't think they would have let me transition as a kid and that would have been a whole different level of hell I don't think I would have dealt with very well. And given the conservative area we lived in, the bullying would have been off the charts, and I was already bullied. No thanks.

Also, I kind of like the empathy and understanding of women that living for so long as one has given me. I know from personal experience what it's like to be a woman in a male-dominated profession, and if I'd transitioned earlier I wouldn't have had that same experience.

I'm glad I've transitioned, I'm much more myself now, but I don't mind having lived 27 or so years of my life as a woman, it was alright. A mask and a performance, yes, but an enlightening one that usually wasn't too constricting.

[โ€“] AcidSmiley@hexbear.net 6 points 4 months ago (2 children)

I feel that a lot actually. I grew up in the 80s and 90s, transitioning as a kid would've been outright impossible back then unless my parents would've moved the entire family to the Netherlands or smth. That was the only place where that was a possibility back then. And i seriously struggle to think of a way i could've dealt with knowing that i was trans in the early 00s. Like, i could see this working out in my favor if we're talking some time travel scenario where i go back knowing all that i know rn, but if i had to navigate the nightmare levels of medical gatekeeping that existed back then on my own, without prior knowledge, at a time where my sexuality automatically made me inelligible from receiving any gender affirming care, my life would've just been constant unsolveable dysphoria with no way out.

[โ€“] magi@hexbear.net 4 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) (1 children)

I grew up in the 80s and 90s

Same, I knew I was different, found out from the crying game basically..that similar people to me existed then spent the rest of the 90s trying to avoid the transphobia

[โ€“] BountifulEggnog@hexbear.net 2 points 4 months ago (1 children)

I've seen you mention it a few times, what is the crying game?

[โ€“] magi@hexbear.net 2 points 4 months ago

It's a bad 90s movie that got way too much traction and sparked a ton of transphobia through the 90s.

It's a prime example of a shock twist surprise transgender reveal, plenty of them going back.. Ace Ventura parodies it.

[โ€“] Babs@hexbear.net 4 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Trans healthcare before informed consent was commonplace was soooo fucked. I'm glad my first therapist was willing to lie about "Real Life Experience" for me.

[โ€“] AcidSmiley@hexbear.net 5 points 4 months ago

Informed consent still isn't commonplace outside of the US and Canada, btw. I still had to get letters from a psychologist to access any gender affirming care, the barriers are just lower now.

[โ€“] ashinadash@hexbear.net 4 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Are you not also a "youngshit"? power-genius

(Holy fuck I hate this brainrot)

[โ€“] BountifulEggnog@hexbear.net 4 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) (1 children)

idk, probably. I can buy booze though and fully went through T puberty so shrug-outta-hecks not like I have my shit together any better then was I was a teen though.

[โ€“] ashinadash@hexbear.net 4 points 4 months ago (1 children)

I dunno if puberty factors in, like I did not fully escape it and people still call me that lmao. Shoutouts to not having your shit together though โœจ

[โ€“] BountifulEggnog@hexbear.net 4 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) (1 children)

This is probably just my age talking but I thought escaping puberty was the big thing. Maybe I am actually a youngshit myself :)

Thanks I am struggling โœจ

[โ€“] ashinadash@hexbear.net 4 points 4 months ago

We struggle together Care-Comrade