this post was submitted on 13 Dec 2023
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Lemmy Shitpost

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Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

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[–] ThatWeirdGuy1001@lemmy.world 133 points 11 months ago (5 children)

I know it's a joke but if this was a man posting a dildo with the same text he'd get flamed

[–] Sprucie 122 points 11 months ago (3 children)

If it was a bar of soap moulded into a cock though we'd probably be seeing a pretty similar post

[–] ThatWeirdGuy1001@lemmy.world 53 points 11 months ago (9 children)

Rubbing soap on your dick is safe though.

Sticking soap up your snizz is how you get an infection.

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[–] Fuckfuckmyfuckingass@lemmy.world 48 points 11 months ago (3 children)

Idk man, fucking a bar of soap, clearly on the reg , and leaving it for the world to see is a bit different. Plus I feel like most dildo users have the presence of mind to put that shit up when they're done.

[–] ThatWeirdGuy1001@lemmy.world 14 points 11 months ago

My ex would disagree as she'd leave hers lying out even when we had company over.

We were both also very mental unwell so that could be a part of it

[–] shalafi@lemmy.world 11 points 11 months ago (9 children)

That was made that way for the joke. How would you even begin fucking a flat bar of soap? Even pre-drilled, it would wear out too fast to be any fun.

Don't use conditioner guys!!!

For the 4th time (I'm an idiot) I got serious dick issues. Don't know if it dries the skin out or what, but the end gets hypersensitive, turns dark red, skin turns black and peels off, hurts like hell, and then you get nice, new pink skin. It's painful and revolting and takes about a week for the whole process.

Thought was just me until I saw a reddit post a few months back. LOTS of dudes experiencing the same exact thing.

Don't use conditioner guys!!!

[–] GBU_28@lemm.ee 11 points 11 months ago

What in the bed bath and beyond is this shit

[–] MadBob@feddit.nl 10 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Would you mind choosing a verb other than "use" so I know what in God's name I shouldn't be doing with conditioner?

[–] shalafi@lemmy.world 12 points 11 months ago (3 children)

If the context didn't provide, I meant jacking off. Paddling the pink canoe. Abusing the wicked stick. Battling the purple-headed yogurt slinger. Shaking hands with the milkman. Boxing the one-eyed champ. Taking the self-guided tour.

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[–] captainlezbian@lemmy.world 25 points 11 months ago (5 children)

If this were a woman posting a dildo she’d get flamed. Use sex toys all you want, but don’t fuck soap, it’s ironically unsanitary

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[–] scottywh@lemmy.world 24 points 11 months ago

A shower dildo left there to be found? No.. that'd be fuckin weird too

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[–] Draegur@lemm.ee 124 points 11 months ago (3 children)

Stupid. This dude has the cleanest dick in the country.

"Eew this penis is too clean to go inside my body" that's what this whiny bitch sounds like.

No, they totally SHOULD leave. They are clearly too filthy for this CLEAN KING.

[–] FeetinMashedPotatoes@lemmy.world 18 points 11 months ago

"yeah baby you like my baby smooth dick?"

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[–] Shayeta@feddit.de 87 points 11 months ago

Hey, at least you can be sure it's clean.

[–] MrGG@lemmy.ca 63 points 11 months ago (1 children)

He'd end up disappointed that her pussy doesn't bubble during sex, anyway.

[–] the_joeba@lemmy.world 32 points 11 months ago (1 children)
[–] Death_Equity@lemmy.world 23 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Whoever your point of reference is, tell them to go to the doctor.

[–] And009@reddthat.com 24 points 11 months ago (4 children)
[–] AgentGrimstone@lemmy.world 9 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Found the guy that told his gf not to take her antibiotics

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[–] EyIchFragDochNur@feddit.de 61 points 11 months ago (2 children)

Because real men wait until marriage to masturbate

[–] bobs_monkey@lemm.ee 25 points 11 months ago (1 children)

I mean, it just never occured to me to drill a hole in a bar of soap, lotion and Palmela Handerson work just fine.

[–] Lemminary@lemmy.world 12 points 11 months ago (2 children)

That's funny. We say Manuela in Spanish because "mano" means hand

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[–] Pinklink@lemm.ee 36 points 11 months ago

That’s just a handhold so you don’t drop it

[–] 100_percent_a_bot@lemmy.world 32 points 11 months ago (1 children)

“It's a part of me and I can wash it however fast I like!"

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[–] Slovene@feddit.nl 32 points 11 months ago (1 children)
[–] pigup@lemmy.world 21 points 11 months ago (1 children)
[–] CCF_100@sh.itjust.works 17 points 11 months ago (2 children)

What a terrible day to have eyes

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[–] MindSkipperBro12@lemmy.world 28 points 11 months ago

How else are you suppose to clean it?

[–] saltnotsugar@lemm.ee 24 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Look, if there’s a more subtle cock soap, I’m all ears.

[–] icerunner_origin@startrek.website 13 points 11 months ago (2 children)

If you're all ears, how would you propose to use the soap?

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[–] ohlaph@lemmy.world 20 points 11 months ago

I didn't know that was an option.

[–] Thcdenton@lemmy.world 19 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Chill he was just blowing bubbles

[–] johker216@lemmy.world 24 points 11 months ago (2 children)

He also knows Bubbles? Small world!

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[–] art@lemmy.world 18 points 11 months ago

At least it's clean.

[–] qyron@sopuli.xyz 16 points 11 months ago (1 children)
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[–] InternetCitizen2@lemmy.world 16 points 11 months ago (4 children)

Innocent, I'm not that big.

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[–] KingJalopy@lemm.ee 16 points 11 months ago (2 children)

Soap is abrasive. His dick fucked up.

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[–] BuffLemmyworlder@lemmy.world 15 points 11 months ago (5 children)

His penis will burn from that

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[–] ASeriesOfPoorChoices@lemmy.world 14 points 11 months ago

Soap on a rope, but slipped off the rope?

[–] PP_BOY_@lemmy.world 13 points 11 months ago

Yeah leave bitch, he clearly doesn't need you

[–] kttnpunk@lemmy.world 12 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Poor dude probably just dug out the prize lol

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[–] Shadywack@lemmy.world 10 points 11 months ago

There was a head out alright.

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