this post was submitted on 09 Sep 2024
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[–] cygnus@lemmy.ca 47 points 2 months ago (1 children)

I guess Aussies aren't familiar with "Boss makes a dollar, I make a dime; that's why I poop on company time"

[–] cmbabul@lemmy.world 7 points 2 months ago

I lived this daily until I got a bidet, not worth it now

[–] trevor@lemmy.blahaj.zone 31 points 2 months ago (1 children)

The boss makes a dollar,

I make a dime,

That's why I poo on company time

[–] Glytch@lemmy.world 12 points 2 months ago

Stolen from reddit:

The boss makes a dollar, I make a dime That was a poem From a simpler time

Now his boss makes 1000 While I make a cent And he's got employees That can't make the rent

When the CEO makes a million And we don't make jack That's when we riot To take it all back

Now Mr investor If this seems extreme I have to remind you It beats guillotines

[–] Frog@lemmy.ca 26 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Tomorrow's news: Amazon sues the Australian Health Department

[–] palordrolap@fedia.io 14 points 2 months ago

Nah, they'll just make life more difficult for any employees who take bathroom breaks, if not find some "clearly unrelated" excuse to outright fire them.

[–] bl_r@lemmy.dbzer0.com 18 points 2 months ago (2 children)

You should take a 20 minute shit every day on company time

[–] li10 10 points 2 months ago

20 minute shit every *hour

[–] RamblingPanda@lemmynsfw.com 6 points 2 months ago (1 children)

What about second shit?

Don't think he knows about second shit, Pip.

What about elevenses? Shiteon? Afternoon shit? Shitter? He knows about them, doesn't he?

I wouldn't count on it.

[–] r_deckard@lemmy.world 2 points 2 months ago

fistbump - Another member of the Ulcerative Colitis club.

[–] TedZanzibar 16 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Back in the 2000s I used to have an app on my PC where I could enter my salary or hourly wage, hit a button when I went for a poop, hit it again when I got back and it would tell me how much I'd earned on the can.

Wonder if there's anything like that for phones these days?

[–] Buddahriffic@lemmy.world 7 points 2 months ago (1 children)

If you want to set up a spreadsheet, the formulas are pretty simple:

Salary / 52 = weekly pay (approx, there's a few extra days in the year but my bi-weekly pay is salary / 26, which actually works out to a slightly higher pay than if they did it by extact days)

Weekly pay / 40 = hourly equivalent (or 37.5 if you want to assume unpaid lunches, which effectively increases your hourly rate)

Hourly equivalent / 60 = minute equivalent

Time in minutes pooping * hourly equivalent = money earned pooping

For hourly pay, just drop that in to the hourly equivalent variable above.

[–] TedZanzibar 6 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Nice! I'm learning Python right now so I'm going to take this and make a script out of it.

[–] Buddahriffic@lemmy.world 9 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Yeah, that script should only take a few days, most of which spent on creating an ascii pooping animation while it's waiting for you to return.

[–] TedZanzibar 2 points 2 months ago

Yeah, minus the animation it took me a couple hours. Well worth the time spent!

[–] paddirn@lemmy.world 15 points 2 months ago (4 children)

The only things I don't like about pooping at work is when there's no private restrooms or when they don't have some sort of white noise in the bathrooms (in the case of public restrooms). Inevitably, there's people who don't care about shitting in the stall next to mine, which I absolutely hate, I don't want to hear you shit. I only want to shit when nobody else is around or when the sound of a fan or something blocks out the noise. It's like some sort of instinctual feeling. Otherwise, pooping at work is great.

[–] TimeSquirrel@kbin.melroy.org 17 points 2 months ago (1 children)

when they don't have some sort of white noise in the bathrooms

Would it help if I sat next to you going "shhhhhhhhhh" as we poop together?

[–] Tujio@lemmy.world 6 points 2 months ago (1 children)

I can sing the Blazing Saddles theme song pretty decent. Final offer.

[–] cdf12345@lemm.ee 3 points 2 months ago

What about the theme to rawhide?

[–] TheTetrapod@lemmy.world 11 points 2 months ago

Am I the only one who finds this kind of wild? You're in the shit room, you shouldn't expect others to be ashamed of their bowel movements there. Get earplugs, I guess?

[–] reddig33@lemmy.world 8 points 2 months ago

The worst is when people talk on their cell phones in the public restroom. No one wants to hear that on either end of the phone.

[–] lustyargonian@lemm.ee 1 points 2 months ago

Would playing white noise on your phone help?

[–] Sanctus@lemmy.world 14 points 2 months ago

Homie, I dont take a shit unless its on some tycoon's clock.

[–] catloaf@lemm.ee 10 points 2 months ago (2 children)
[–] lnxtx@feddit.nl 4 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Extra-thin one or like a sandpaper.

[–] calcopiritus@lemmy.world 4 points 2 months ago

Fold it twice, still free

[–] palordrolap@fedia.io 2 points 2 months ago

Within reason.

You could try your luck and see how much you can get away with before someone notices, but I wouldn't recommend it.

[–] OhmsLawn@lemmy.world 7 points 2 months ago

Always shit on company time.

[–] TheGrandNagus@lemmy.world 6 points 2 months ago

If I need a shit in the morning, I try to wait until I start work. May as well be paid for it.

[–] raynethackery@lemmy.world 4 points 2 months ago

Our restroom light has a 15 minute timer. Sucks when you have IBS and no one comes in during that time.

[–] FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 4 points 2 months ago

Yeah, but the assholes I have to work with poo there. I can't deal with that.

Thankfully, I can usually get it all out right after I get up.

[–] calcopiritus@lemmy.world 4 points 2 months ago

I poo almost daily at work. It's almost impossible to hold it in for 8:30 continuous hours.

If someone tells me off for it, they will find out how much my productivity drops when I have to focus on holding the shit instead of doing my work.

Poo in work. Not only is it a nice break, but it also is more productive than not pooing. Win-win for everyone.