this post was submitted on 09 Jan 2025
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The Onion

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This is one of the best Onion articles ever. Read the whole thing.

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[–] TheImpressiveX@lemm.ee 4 points 3 weeks ago (4 children)

Why didn't he just shoot the gorilla? Is he stupid?

[–] FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 28 points 3 weeks ago

Don’t victim-blame. Someone you love could be afflicted with the heartbreak of gorilla attacks.

[–] TempermentalAnomaly@lemmy.world 6 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)
[–] TachyonTele@lemm.ee 3 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Ive never seen one teaching class

[–] FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 3 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Someone's never been to Gorilla City.

You're never going to become master of the Earth without a classical liberal arts education.

[–] TachyonTele@lemm.ee 2 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (1 children)

That G isn't teaching class - he's holding court!

[–] FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 2 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Yeah, but who do you think taught him world domination skills? That can't be self-taught!

[–] TachyonTele@lemm.ee 2 points 2 weeks ago

Very true. They didn't even offer that as an elective in my school :(

[–] djsoren19@yiffit.net 4 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

With what? and where? A silverback gorilla is no joke, David would need a shotgun and a will of steel to properly aim and fire at a 400lb monster trying to kill him.

[–] Kitathalla@lemy.lol 3 points 2 weeks ago

400lb

Five hundred and twelve. Just saying it makes me quake in fearr. David was such a brave man to face such a force off nature.

[–] Agent641@lemmy.world 2 points 2 weeks ago

This is why America needs universal animal control

Like Obamakill.