The Onion

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The Onion

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I’m an Undecided Hobbit, Torn Between a Dark Lord Who Promises an Age of Chaos and an Elf Queen Whom I Just Wish I Knew More About (www.mcsweeneys.net)

submitted 1 month ago by geekwithsoul@lemm.ee to c/theonion@midwest.social

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I’m torn. Both Galadriel and Sauron say the other is a threat to Middle-earth. One has to be wrong, so whom am I to trust? Should I trust the Dark Lord who attempted to topple the White City of Gondor, dominate all life, and attempt to stay in power for eternity? Or do I trust the Elf Queen representing the coalition of Men and Elves who defeated Sauron when he tried to enslave the Free Peoples… but could maybe do more meet-and-greets?

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[–] geekwithsoul@lemm.ee 10 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (2 children)

For the purposes of the satire, they left the ring out of it. Otherwise it's just a Monty Python sketch and would be about "the violence inherent in the system" 😉

And as I commented to someone else who picked Frodo - he too gave in to the ring in the end and was only saved by someone biting off his finger that had the ring on it. He's also an upper middle class nepo-baby who's a landlord. If you're going to pick someone else, you have to go with proletarian Samwise.

[–] TC_209@hexbear.net 25 points 1 month ago (1 children)

For the purpose of the satire, they left out the whole point of the books, which is something you'd know if your knowledge of LotR wasn't based entirely on cultural osmosis.

[–] geekwithsoul@lemm.ee 5 points 1 month ago (1 children)

You don't know what satire is, do you? And man, with everything else thrown my way because of this post, insulting my nerd cred is a low blow even for someone from hexbear. I thought you all at least had standards!