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this post was submitted on 19 Aug 2024
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I think I kinda get this. It's not that I think there's anything inherently sacred about how my body is or whatever, but getting it altered in a massive, surgical way can feel "odd" I guess.That said your balls suck, remove em and put your balls in the ball crushing machine. That's a part of you that will make you happy to remove.
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I think some of it is the like... coldness of it? Cynical-ness? At least its my decision, that I'm consenting too.It will be good to (eventually) be rid of them.
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Oh as in, how it's "just a procedure" kinda thing? I know after making the big important decision to do it, it feels weird to just go and they just like, scalpel, in and out of the hospital. Clinical, even...spoiler
Yea. They're just gonna cut me open, take a couple bits out, and throw them in the trash. Like damn. I don't usually value my body that much but like... having part of it be completely destroyed while I'm still walkin' around feels wrong.I am unfortunately very attached to the past. I keep archives and copies of lots of things most people wouldn't. I suppose this might be an extension of that.
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I don't think that attachment is inherently bad =) But I see what you mean, almost conveyorbelt like yeah. Sometimes nurses are very personable so fwiw it's usually a lil less clinical than that, even if that's literally what's happening.But people have to get stuff removed all the time, not just for gendery reasons, and it's always a net good, that bit needed to get yeeted.
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We keep like polyps and stuff after colonoscopy cause they need to go to the lab. But stuff like a perforated appendix will just end up incinerated in biomedical waste. It's not functioning anymore, it's actively harmful, it cannot be repurposed - the only left is to remove it and destroy it.I got the surgery nurses to retain a little patients' appendix (not perforated just severly inflammed) so he could see it when he woke up. But he didn't want to keep it, was just kinda morbid and fascinated at the idea. I've shown patients their CTs and MRIs and told em now they were one of the few people who have seen what the inside of their own brain looks like.
It is weird to have parts of yourself discarded, there's no doubt. Maybe it feels weird to be throwing out the things some people wish for the most (not just trans people either). Or maybe it feels like identification with something that was literally just in you connected to your blood and bathing you in (unwanted albeit) hormones, something that was part of your hopefully harmonious whole.
In a OR situation it's all professional and there's like 4 people in there. Day surgery without GA might be more relaxed. I dunno, you get used to stuff coming out of people and touching blood or poop or whatever but I can still appreciate feeling at least a little attached to yourself. After my tracheal shave I was more elated that my Adam's apple was reduced instead of curious what they did with the extra (I knew they'd just throw it away).
Obviously you know more about medical stuff then I do, but I actually do not understand the harm in dropping it in a jar of formalin. I'd be fine to pay extra or sign whatever paper work. The only thing I've heard is some vague notion of legal issues.
Getting to see the inside of your brain is super cool though, I've seen a few people who got copies of their scans and 3d printed them.
I hope they let you!
Sorry if it sounded like I was frustrated with you. Thank you.