BountifulEggnog
Sorry for taking so long to get back to you. This is all very helpful, thank you for telling me. I will keep trying.
So while you were attempting to restart their heart, they suffocated and died.
Are you saying they are breathing without a pulse? I'm trying to understand what you're saying. They aren't getting air unless you give breaths, and blood isn't flowing unless you are giving compressions. Blood flow to the brain is what's important.
Isn't it lonely for you, feeling like an outsider with no connections? It is for me, its crushing.
I don't know who I am either. But I don't know, on some level just doing what I want to do is nice.
This has been me my whole life. I have always felt... distant and separate. I am slowly getting better about it now.
Being on the island sucks, it is a prison. Please try to escape.
spoiler
This is helpful, thank you. I'll try and break down those parts. Sorry this is a short reply, I feel very shitty right now.
I get scared too. Stimming helps, I have solved my Rubiks cube so many times the last week.
spoiler self harm I'm sorry you struggle with it too, I'm glad you replaced it with a better stim. Hugging myself is great.
I just want to say/clarify (I hope this isn't being shitty) but self harm is not that for me. It is very deliberate. I usually use a knife or razer blade. :::
trauma/abuse
I have been talking with my two closest friends about some of my childhood. They both think my parents were abusive.
I don't know how to process this. I have been in fight or flight for the last like, day. I didn't eat yesterday. Got like three hours of sleep at 7am. I have cried so much. After finally telling someone some of what I remember its just... so sad. They loved me... but still did things I have had trouble getting over since. I have wondered for a while. I knew it was wrong, I knew it made me feel awful, and scared, and many other things... but it felt normal. I blame(d) myself.
I feel sad. Numb. Broken. I feel/have felt for a long time that what I dealt with was not enough to be legitimate. I'm still denying it a little bit. I guess always feeling on edge/a bit scared around dad makes sense with this framework though... spoiler self harm I am fighting the urges. My brain is convinced this would be easier to deal with if I did it. I am keeping myself from doing it only because I feel like other people would say its bad. ::: Thank you for reading. I am feeling a lot and I don't know how to deal with it. Advice is welcome, I'm not ready to talk about details though so please don't ask.
It means he needs to be gulaged and re-educated.
Your people skills are just improving that fast 
I'm sorry :meow-hug: