New in-bowl ad-screen market.
this post was submitted on 02 Mar 2024
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They already have a smart toilet to chemically analyze your piss. I'm feeling an inefficiency in the market.
Phones have definitely not gotten rid of mind shattering, other-worldly dumps that take all your concentration and make you take your shirt off after eating a big, greasy and/or spicy meal.
Hey man are you OK?
I will be once I get off the toilet.
Two hours on it and still going strong.
Can confirm. I've been stopped up the last couple days and gave birth to a football this morning. No time for phones, just visceral panic and pleading to the almighty
Glycerin suppositories are the best relief for that.
Gulping a big spoonful of olive oil does it for me. That's if I haven't had enough fibre. The oil lubricates things.
It's gross, but not as gross as pushing something up your shit-clogged rectum.
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And eating enough fiber to prevent it. Or metamucil, I guess.
I'm on a medication that makes things move slowly despite fiber and water. Sometimes I just need help.
my brother in christ eat more fibre, just get some psyllium husk if that's what it takes
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Oh they apparently didn't experience the real diarrhea shitting, it's so Zen when your body wants to turn itself inside out for so long that you don't feel anything anymore. And the feeling after it as if you were raped with a continent. So Zen.
You know it's about to get real when the shirt comes off and you put the phone down.
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Smoking is up there. Just close your eyes, atomize the world in front of you, and draw it in through the small, paper tube. Open your eyes and exhale a bit of yourself back into the world.
You leave a bit of yourself in the world, the world leaves a bit of carcinogens in you ❤️
Yin Yang
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Yes. And deep breathing is that without the paper tube.
I mean in the olden days shitting was that time when you could really engage with the ingredients of that shampoo bottle. Or, you know, books and newspapers. Reading while shitting is probably common since both exist.
here in sweden almost everything has translations in the other nordic languages, and school toilets have heating elements, so before phones it was universal that all students ended up learning "ei sa peitää" which means "do not cover" in finnish
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When I drank a lot, I was definitely on my phone while vomiting
YOU HEAR THAT, GOD?
“Son, never trust a man who doesn’t drink because he’s probably a self-righteous sort, a man who thinks he knows right from wrong all the time. Some of them are good men, but in the name of goodness, they cause most of the suffering in the world. They’re the judges, the meddlers. And, son, never trust a man who drinks but refuses to get drunk. They’re usually afraid of something deep down inside, either that they’re a coward or a fool or mean and violent. You can’t trust a man who’s afraid of himself. But sometimes, son, you can trust a man who occasionally kneels before a toilet. The chances are that he is learning something about humility and his natural human foolishness, about how to survive himself. It’s damned hard for a man to take himself too seriously when he’s heaving his guts into a dirty toilet bowl.“ - James Crumley
Son, never trust a man who doesn't drink when he drives; he's afraid he'll crash, and a fearful driver is a dangerous driver.
Who's out there putting hands on the rim of toilet bowls? 'fess up.
Depends how drunk and how violently I'm vomiting, really. At some point I just need all the support I can get... You're not gonna die from touching some old pee.
Normally? No
When I had E. Coli last year? Yes. And when I got too weak to do that I slumped over the bowl almost kissing the porcelain, absolutely disgusting but it was that or...
When I got to weak for that I flipped onto the floor and spiritually connected with mankind from years past cuz holy shit do I understand how diarrhea killed people now
I'm already leaving the situation needing to clean myself. There are other things taking priority over hand placement
If it's my own toilet it's probably one of the most sanitised places I can put my hands
(I'm very hygienic when it comes to my toilet, it gets sprayed with disinfectant several times a day)
I clean the rim of the toilet bowl in case I need to vomit later. (Was in a frat)
I keep the seat down and hover depending on the velocity. If it's gonna return fire, I'll use the seat for support.
Read this while wiping.
read this while shitting
They're not wrong.
You can tell they're normal because they don't know what gooning is.
I'm sorry for anyone that has eyes right now.
I like to have a podcast on while I’m vomiting. I might as well use that time to learn more about WWII.
This post was brought to you by Han-Tyumi, the confused cyborg
Phone = Bad = Logic = Funny
The OP thought of this meme while puking
As I currently writing this on my phone while puking.
In your face god!
I've done it when I was sick and was it was taking a while for the rest to come up... So technically I was looking at my phone in-between the individual pukes
If I may quote something in response...
Ahem
YOUR GOD IS DEAD AND NO ONE CARES
IF THERE IS A HELL I'LL SEE YOU THERE
.... That is all.
eating is like this
When I put away the phone for a meal I feel like a fancy Frenchman
Idk I usually am thinking that I just wanna die
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