this post was submitted on 23 Dec 2023
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Lemmy Shitpost

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Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

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[–] ChickenLadyLovesLife@lemmy.world 57 points 11 months ago (5 children)

I used to work for a large corporation and one day I found myself in a meeting with a bunch of female vice presidents where I was the only man there. The presenter was unable to display on the big screen because she didn't have a connector; I happened to have the right kind and loaned it to her.

She said "you're pretty handy to have around." My brain decided that a clever thing to say in response would be "well, I'm pretty well-endowed in the dongle department" and I started to say that before my brain thought better of it and cut me off. So what I actually said was "well, I'm pretty well-endowed". One woman in the room actually guffawed but everybody else managed to ignore it - although I'm willing to bet this story was told later more than a few times.

[–] NikkiDimes@lemmy.world 18 points 11 months ago

Jesus fucking Christ, how did you not just die on the spot?

[–] victron@programming.dev 18 points 11 months ago

I felt the pain through my phone.

[–] Wilzax@lemmy.world 13 points 11 months ago

When you realize how that sounded you can save it by looking embarrassed and apologizing, and clarifying you meant something like "equipped". Typically a gaff is better than leaving things at creepy

[–] BigBenis@lemmy.world 13 points 11 months ago

This one's a ~~weiner~~ winner

[–] Agent641@lemmy.world 3 points 11 months ago
[–] originalucifer@moist.catsweat.com 44 points 11 months ago (4 children)

no worries, my brain will remind me every 45 seconds for the next 3 weeks

[–] user224@lemmy.sdf.org 16 points 11 months ago (1 children)

And keep going for the rest of your life, just at a lower frequency because there's more screw-ups to keep getting reminded of.

[–] originalucifer@moist.catsweat.com 5 points 11 months ago

ha, yep. theres a lot of backpressure there in that pipe

[–] Sylvartas@lemmy.world 1 points 11 months ago

Only 3 weeks ? Lucky bastard

[–] Olhonestjim@lemmy.world 1 points 11 months ago

Weeks? Luckyyyy.

[–] FrankTheHealer@lemmy.world 17 points 11 months ago (2 children)

26 year old here. Happens constantly. I really wish reality would let me kinda pause time for a second like in a video game, so I have time to weigh up my options. Tbh tho, I'd probably still end up regretting things I've said

I'm getting better though. I can have a conversation with most people and most likely not say something completely fucking retarded. But there are times I say dumb shit and end up reliving those moments constantly in my head.

[–] Cheskaz@lemmy.world 9 points 11 months ago

Give me that quick save/load function

[–] GratefullyGodless@lemmy.world 4 points 11 months ago (1 children)

One thing you can do for a pause in the conversation, is simply to put a thoughtful look on your face and stroke your chin for a moment while you figure out the best answer. This way the person you're talking to knows that you were listening, so they don't feel ignored, and it gives you that moments pause you need. Plus, bonus, sometimes they think you're smarter and more thoughtful than you actually are.

[–] wurosh@lemmy.ml 3 points 11 months ago

Or just be honest and say "I need to think about it." Wins hearts and minds big time.

[–] Kjatten@lemmy.world 15 points 11 months ago

And then you imagine the "person will remember that" up in the corner

[–] Kolanaki@yiffit.net 15 points 11 months ago

Just like Fallout 4, I only ever select the sarcastic option.

[–] racsol@lemmy.ml 12 points 11 months ago

After that, you just start anticipating this feeling and unlock social anxiety.

[–] bucketofcandyfloss@thelemmy.club 10 points 11 months ago

How to load previous save?

[–] puchaczyk@lemmy.blahaj.zone 9 points 11 months ago

Me starting a conversation with my dad about some mundane things that instantly turn into him talking about conspiracy theories.

[–] simin@lemmy.world 9 points 11 months ago (1 children)
[–] chaosppe@lemmy.world 5 points 11 months ago
[–] rony4102@lemmy.world 3 points 11 months ago

Instant regret

[–] Czarb@lemmy.world 1 points 11 months ago

It's the missed quicktime events that gnaw at my soul.

[–] rockSlayer@lemmy.world 1 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago) (1 children)

I was talking to my dad about family drama a couple weeks ago, and instead of wording my sentence properly I made it seem like I called my cousin a cow. I immediately felt bad because even though she's being a fucking idiot, I still like her.

[–] OutlierBlue@lemmy.ca 1 points 11 months ago

That's when you clarify that you like some cows. They can be sweet, dumb animals.

[–] pimento64@sopuli.xyz 1 points 11 months ago

"Oh, you're not pregnant? I thought you were, you look like it"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IfwA79JwS6Q

[–] AgentGrimstone@lemmy.world 1 points 11 months ago

It's been over 20 years and there are two that haunt me to this day.