this post was submitted on 03 Nov 2024
883 points (95.2% liked)

Lemmy Shitpost

26915 readers
3170 users here now

Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

Anything and everything goes. Memes, Jokes, Vents and Banter. Though we still have to comply with lemmy.world instance rules. So behave!


Rules:

1. Be Respectful


Refrain from using harmful language pertaining to a protected characteristic: e.g. race, gender, sexuality, disability or religion.

Refrain from being argumentative when responding or commenting to posts/replies. Personal attacks are not welcome here.

...


2. No Illegal Content


Content that violates the law. Any post/comment found to be in breach of common law will be removed and given to the authorities if required.

That means:

-No promoting violence/threats against any individuals

-No CSA content or Revenge Porn

-No sharing private/personal information (Doxxing)

...


3. No Spam


Posting the same post, no matter the intent is against the rules.

-If you have posted content, please refrain from re-posting said content within this community.

-Do not spam posts with intent to harass, annoy, bully, advertise, scam or harm this community.

-No posting Scams/Advertisements/Phishing Links/IP Grabbers

-No Bots, Bots will be banned from the community.

...


4. No Porn/ExplicitContent


-Do not post explicit content. Lemmy.World is not the instance for NSFW content.

-Do not post Gore or Shock Content.

...


5. No Enciting Harassment,Brigading, Doxxing or Witch Hunts


-Do not Brigade other Communities

-No calls to action against other communities/users within Lemmy or outside of Lemmy.

-No Witch Hunts against users/communities.

-No content that harasses members within or outside of the community.

...


6. NSFW should be behind NSFW tags.


-Content that is NSFW should be behind NSFW tags.

-Content that might be distressing should be kept behind NSFW tags.

...

If you see content that is a breach of the rules, please flag and report the comment and a moderator will take action where they can.


Also check out:

Partnered Communities:

1.Memes

2.Lemmy Review

3.Mildly Infuriating

4.Lemmy Be Wholesome

5.No Stupid Questions

6.You Should Know

7.Comedy Heaven

8.Credible Defense

9.Ten Forward

10.LinuxMemes (Linux themed memes)


Reach out to

All communities included on the sidebar are to be made in compliance with the instance rules. Striker

founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
 
top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] kryptonianCodeMonkey@lemmy.world 59 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (13 children)

I don't think He/Him are neopronouns as the prefix neo- means new. Surely His would be old (paleopronouns), or timeless (aeternuspronouns), rather than new

[–] RandomVideos@programming.dev 6 points 3 weeks ago

Relative to eternity, the invention of the english language is pretty new

load more comments (12 replies)
[–] half@lemy.lol 45 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (2 children)

In mormonism if you don't do their special ceremonies and have multiple wives, you lose your dick for eternity. I learned that in Sunday school when I was 12 lol.

[–] wjrii@lemmy.world 29 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (1 children)

Mormon theology also pretty much just cuts the Gordian knot proposed in this post by saying, "Fuck yeah he's got a dick. Uses it ALL THE TIME." I believe that a "perfected body" was the verbiage I was taught in Sunday School. Tritheistic heresy, Shmitheistic Shmeresy....

[–] Flocklesscrow@lemm.ee 9 points 3 weeks ago

Begins pissing in a whirling dervish

[–] aeronmelon@lemmy.world 22 points 3 weeks ago

Kid: “Then I won’t do the ceremony because I never wanted a dick in the first place.”

Mormons: “No! That’s not how you play the game!”

[–] Unpigged@lemmy.dbzer0.com 42 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

You should know how much time Christian monks spent reasoning about the foreskin of Christ.

It's a lot.

Long enough to postulate that once the Jesus ascended, his foreskin ascended as well and become. The. Rings. Of. Saturn.

Sky will never be the same, won't it?

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] olosta@lemmy.world 33 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

The weird thing is that a lot of christians (including the Catholic church) affirm that God "the Father" has actually no gender.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gender_of_God_in_Christianity

[–] loaExMachina@sh.itjust.works 18 points 3 weeks ago (8 children)

Does Jesus have a gender tho? As stated above, Jesus has a fully human body and nature (or else you are deemed a heretic by the council of Chalcedon). He is described as a man and several churches and rulers have historically claimed to hold a piece of his foreskin, so he must've had a penis. Therefore:

  • Either Jesus was agender despite having a penis, therefore penis doesn't imply male gender or
  • Jesus was male. So either:
    • Jesus and God don't have the same gender, so they aren't the same entity, which the councils of Nicea and Chalcedon would deem a heresy, or
    • God can manifest as male or agender, making Them genderfluid.
load more comments (7 replies)
[–] Live_your_lives@lemmy.world 32 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

Technically, you can't say that He/Him are God's preferred pronouns because the capitalization doesn't appear in the oldest texts. They are more a matter of tradition than of reality. However, you could say that's even worse because Christians have embraced these neopronouns on God's behalf.

[–] Grail@lemmy.world 7 points 3 weeks ago

What if He came out as trans in the 19th century and influenced the scholars to change His pronouns through dreams?

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] lath@lemmy.world 26 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Considering how consistently the world gets fucked, yeah, I'd say there's a divine Dick out there doing all the fucking.

[–] Valthorn@feddit.nu 8 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Are earthquakes the planet having an orgasm?

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] CptEnder@lemmy.world 25 points 3 weeks ago

Oh there's plenty of Christian nationalist men thinking about "divine dick"

[–] Hupf@feddit.org 18 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

That's it, I'm using He/Him pronouns now.

[–] FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 9 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

And I bet when You do this, You'll expect us all to use the pronouns that You want us to-

Fuck.

load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] zakobjoa@lemmy.world 17 points 3 weeks ago

I wouldn't call them neopronouns, they're more like archeopronouns.

[–] omega_x3@lemmy.world 16 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

God never addressed themselves as him/her. They referred to themselves as I am.

[–] Pacattack57@lemmy.world 7 points 3 weeks ago

There are definitely He pronouns in the bible

load more comments (1 replies)

There are several other gods and goddesses named in the old testament, so I'm willing to buy that the Christian god has a dick, and it's for inserting into goddesses. And given the personality on display by said diety, I'd wager said dick could pass through the eye of a needle and still have room for the camel.

[–] sheridan@lemmy.world 14 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

Captain Kirk: "What does God need with a penis?"

[–] Tabula_stercore@lemmy.world 8 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

Masturbate while watching you

load more comments (2 replies)
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] aleats@lemmy.blahaj.zone 13 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

The whole capitalization of pronouns thing was pretty much entirely made up around the 19th century anyway (as well as the capitalizing the word "Lord", which the King James version invented outright), so you can argue that protestant churches are following a woke plot to change the pronouns of the christian god as well.

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] EleventhHour@lemmy.world 13 points 3 weeks ago

I would love to see the prompt that generated this ChatGPT response.

[–] BrokenGlepnir@lemmy.world 11 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

I mean it was up in the sky about a month ago. The last time it was visible was apparently in ancient Egypt. If you missed it, to bad. The news said it wouldn't be visible again until he gets a prostate exam in over a thousand years

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] Naz@sh.itjust.works 10 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

If you ask about gender in death, people will just look at you weird.

There's compounding evidence that a lot of religious canon was simply written by mankind as a kind of societal control.

The living should be kinder to one another.

💙

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] Stache_@lemmy.ml 10 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

Now I’m wondering if God has a belly button….cause that would imply an umbilical cord

[–] Zorg@lemmy.blahaj.zone 12 points 3 weeks ago

Nah, that would be silly.

God is more like a platypus. No nipples or bellybutton (but could surely produce milk if they felt like it), venomous, and hatched from an egg.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] jol@discuss.tchncs.de 10 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)
[–] Pacattack57@lemmy.world 6 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

Cut due to Jewish tradition of circumcision.

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] HelixDab2@lemm.ee 9 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

According to Mormons, god is literally male, with (perfect) male genitalia. There is also a god--the-mother, who is female, and is both secret and sacred (they really don't like talking about her), and also utterly subservient to god the father, because of course she is. According to Mormon theology, both gods were once mortal, and were raised up to godhood by their godly parents; Mormons--if they're good enough--can go to Mormon super-heaven, where they will also become gods in their own right. Before everyone was born physically, they were born spiritually, in... More or less the same way babies are born now, except in heaven, to a heavenly mom. And there were hundreds of billions of spirit babies, so I guess that god the dad and god the mom really like sex or something? The implications start getting really, really weird, very fast. Which is part of the reason why Mormons don't usually want to talk about stuff like this with people that aren't Mormon.

I believe that the quote is, "As man is, so once was god. As god is, so man can become," or something like that.

Source: was Mormon for >25 years.

[–] RidderSport@feddit.org 7 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Congrats for getting out I guess?

[–] HelixDab2@lemm.ee 10 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

To paraphrase Nietzsche, that which doesn't kill you psychologically scars you and leaves you with a lifetime of therapy bills.

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] exu@feditown.com 8 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

God created both men and women in his image, so he must have biological gender traits from both.

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] werefreeatlast@lemmy.world 8 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

This is excellent:

If God has no cock, then being male doesn't need a cock to be real.

If he has a cock, then does he only use it to pee? Or does he use it to both pee and fuck? Does that mean he had sexual relations with a minor who was also married already?

Does the Trinity have a cock? Or is it only the father or is it only the son? You can clearly see that the son had a cock. But did he keep it as a ghost cock? Do they have 3 different cocks? Or do they share a cock?

Since they supposedly are virgin, do they have to jack off? Do they jack off at the same time? Or does one have to hide somewhere to jack off? Or are they okay just jacking off in front of the others?

What do they pee? If you take a shower in god pee, do you smell good? Or bad?

And why all these questions about pee anyway...how about poo? Is God poo good or bad? If it's bad, doesn't that mean that God has bad things inside of him? Does that mean they gotta eat something? What do they eat? Can we eat it too? How come God let's people die of hunger if he has a source of God food?

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] bluewing@lemm.ee 7 points 3 weeks ago (3 children)

I would assume since gods are omnipotent, their dicks are always the perfect size for the situation. Or perhaps they are inconceivably huge. Since they seem to like swinging them around so much.

Pronouns? God don't need no stinking pronouns. God got dick.

load more comments (3 replies)
[–] Grandwolf319@sh.itjust.works 7 points 3 weeks ago

You see, god stoked his divine dick and then, there came a big bang and billions of galaxy came out of the ejaculated foam.

[–] ytg@sopuli.xyz 7 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

I can follow this, up to

they are neopronouns

I believe that that's a decision made by translators of the bible. Hebrew doesn't have lowercase letters, and the Greek versions of the New Testament that I found don't capitalize as much. And are they distinct?

load more comments (1 replies)

Well the church is Christ's bride so we can only assume it's going to get dicked down.

[–] Jake_Farm@sopuli.xyz 6 points 3 weeks ago (3 children)

Well the Holy Spirit 100% has a dick given he was the one that inseminated Mary.

load more comments (3 replies)
[–] Sassington 6 points 3 weeks ago

Want to know why life is always fucking you? If God has a dick, his dick would be omnipresent therefore you're constantly being dicked by God.

load more comments
view more: next ›