this post was submitted on 27 Oct 2024
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Millennials are about to be crushed by all the junk their parents accumulated.

Every time Dale Sperling's mother pops by for her weekly visit, she brings with her a possession she wants to pass on. To Sperling, the drop-offs make it feel as if her mom is "dumping her house into my house." The most recent offload attempt was a collection of silver platters, which Sperling declined.

"Who has time to use silver? You have to actually polish it," she told me. "I'm like, 'Mom, I would really love to take it, but what am I going to do with it?' So she's dejected. She puts it back in her car."

Sperling's conundrum is familiar to many people with parents facing down their golden years: After they've acquired things for decades, eventually, those things have to go. As the saying goes, you can't take it with you. Many millennials, Gen Xers, and Gen Zers are now facing the question of what to do with their parents' and grandparents' possessions as their loved ones downsize or die. Some boomers are even still managing the process with their parents. The process can be arduous, overwhelming, and painful. It's tough to look your mom in the eye and tell her that you don't want her prized wedding china or that giant brown hutch she keeps it in. For that matter, nobody else wants it, either.

Much has been made of the impending "great wealth transfer" as baby boomers and the Silent Generation pass on a combined $84.4 trillion in wealth to younger generations. Getting less attention is the "great stuff transfer," where everybody has to decipher what to do with the older generations' things.

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[–] yesman@lemmy.world 96 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

There is a whole industry to transport Silent Gen and Boomer treasures to the landfill. Most commonly, a waste management company is going to park a construction dumpster in your driveway the same week you die. And there are hands for hire if your children can't be bothered to go through your crap themselves.

There are also auction and estate companies that will try to get value out of furniture. That's dying out though because IKEA doesn't make furniture suitable for inheritance.

[–] Nougat@fedia.io 53 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

Estate companies will take the "good stuff" to auction, and house sale the rest for a few weekends. After that, there are businesses whose sole thing is buying up the remnants for their resale/thrift store. Think Big Lots but for dead people's stuff.

[–] tburkhol@lemmy.world 34 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

I really hope there's a store called "Dead People's Stuff."

[–] cdf12345@lemm.ee 42 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)
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[–] AlexWIWA@lemmy.ml 19 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Personally I hope my stuff gets handled like this. I’d rather someone, who wants the object, gets it for cheap, rather than it be a burden to my kids.

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[–] Zorsith@lemmy.blahaj.zone 20 points 2 weeks ago

I have hoarder grandparents... I sometimes wish for a house to go up in flames while they're not home just so nobody has to deal with going into it.

[–] homesweethomeMrL@lemmy.world 74 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

What the article doesn't say is the stuff is all there is - there's no money. Just stuff.

So if you throw it out, your inheiritance is nothing, otherwise you have to be come an online seller which - if you're not already you know why you're not already.

[–] OpenStars@piefed.social 41 points 2 weeks ago

There are multiple whole entire industries dedicated to fleecing such individuals. Health care in the USA for one... Donald Trump's campaign to name another...

[–] PriorityMotif@lemmy.world 20 points 2 weeks ago

Estate sales and auctions are where this stuff goes.

[–] Track_Shovel@slrpnk.net 69 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (2 children)

archived

It's tough to look your mom in the eye and tell her that you don't want her prized wedding china or that giant brown hutch she keeps it in. For that matter, nobody else wants it, either.

The reality is that we live in a world that is overinundated with stuff, and the value of things that people hold dear and that they paid a lot of money for and they think retained value is not so much, which is unfortunate,"

Woof those are both true

[–] Bob_Robertson_IX@lemmy.world 22 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

My mom keeps investing in diamond jewelry. I've tried explaining to her that diamonds do not hold their value, but she won't hear it.

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[–] Bishma@discuss.tchncs.de 54 points 2 weeks ago

When my grandmother (Greatest Generation) died, it took my mom (Boomer), my wife, and I six weeks to go though everything and six days (over 2 weekends) to sell it at estate sales.

She had full house decor for winter, easter, spring, summer, autumn, Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. She had a giant Rubbermade bin just of tiny porcelain shoes. I've never seen so many candles that had been burned once of twice then put away. At one point my wife screamed because she found an access door in a closet, leading to a smaller closet. and the tiny closed had half a dozen bins full of fake flowers. The house was always pristine and never looked cluttered - she spent decades pulling off one of the better magic tricks I've seen.

My mom majorly downsized a few years later, and just did so again. I think she saw her future and didn't like.

[–] Talaraine@fedia.io 53 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

My father's mother died a few years back and due to a rabbit hole I won't get into, was left with cleaning out her condo by himself. She wasn't a hoarder or anything, but he was floored by the work involved.

During the pandemic hermitude, he absolutely purged his own house of everything like this. He didn't want us to be burdened with it when his time came. It's ironic that I was a little upset over some of the things he threw out xD

[–] bitchkat@lemmy.world 23 points 2 weeks ago

My mom made them sell their house because "it's the only way I could think of to get the basement cleaned out before we die". She didn't want to burden us but it really just changed the time line.

[–] bitjunkie@lemmy.world 45 points 2 weeks ago (3 children)

Anecdotal but so far the only "great wealth transfer" I've seen has been to elder care organizations, not descendants.

[–] jonne@infosec.pub 22 points 2 weeks ago

That's exactly what's happening. Parents live longer, and by the time they die, all their wealth is skimmed off by aged care providers, health care providers and various scammers.

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[–] ArmoredThirteen@lemmy.ml 43 points 2 weeks ago (3 children)

My mom has kept everything from my childhood I mean everything. For a few years she was trying to pass some of it off to me and I kept having to turn down a lot of stuff, it made her feel bad. One day I finally managed to have a proper conversation about it with her. I don't remember most of my childhood and things like second grade report cards don't have any context because of it. Those are her memories of me not my memories of me. She finally understood after that and now she keeps what she can and doesn't feel bad about "robbing" me of anything when she does get rid of stuff. Some heirlooms I've been asked about and many of those I accept, or in the case of one larger one I've accepted it "if I ever live somewhere that can fit it"

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[–] Bougie_Birdie@lemmy.blahaj.zone 40 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

My mom is in the middle of downsizing. I have some storage space, so I let her keep her stuff in my house. It gives her an excuse to come visit and we go through her things while she decides what's worth keeping or donating. I'm involved in the process, and I've saved a couple heirlooms with sentimental value.

My mother-in-law likes to show up unannounced and drop crap off. So far she's given me two lawnmowers, a bunch of rusty garden tools, and a leaky water cooler. I think she thinks she's helping, but it's getting to the point that I feel like I'm her dumping site.

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[–] OpenStars@piefed.social 39 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Wow, can you imagine having that?

A house that you could put "stuff" into?

Oof.

[–] SnotFlickerman@lemmy.blahaj.zone 20 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Seriously, my life has always been downsized.

Going home to parents feels like stepping into a fucking hoarders den, comparatively.

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[–] Cornpop@lemmy.world 35 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Man take the silver, you can scrap that

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[–] AmidFuror@fedia.io 33 points 2 weeks ago (7 children)

My parents went through this when their parents died in the early 2000s. This is an old people vs young people thing. Let's see what millennials accumulate as they go senile.

[–] Samvega@lemmy.blahaj.zone 24 points 2 weeks ago

All my stuff can just burn with the rest of the planet, I don't have kids.

[–] Fuzzy_Red_Panda@lemm.ee 24 points 2 weeks ago

There's going to be so many Funkopops.

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[–] ashok36@lemmy.world 30 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

My grandmother recently died. Her son and his awful wife couldn't wait to swoop in and take all her stuff. I actually didn't mind though. They took all the tvs and old fur coats. Me and my brother got the pictures they left on the walls and the silly fridge magnets she liked. I think we ended up with the better stack of stuff at the end of the day.

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[–] Hikermick@lemmy.world 30 points 2 weeks ago (6 children)
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[–] RememberTheApollo_@lemmy.world 30 points 2 weeks ago (4 children)

This is the truth. Both sets of parents have dumped stuff on us often enough that we’ve had to put our collective foot down and refuse most items. Gone are the days were there might be just a few real nice items people wanted to keep, now it’s collections of Precious Moments figurines or similar that nobody wants.

It’s really hard to get rid of stuff that is still good and useful. You can barely literally give it away. I hate waste, so just dumping whatever it is in the trash is an absolute last resort. Places you would think that would take stuff are also overwhelmed and won’t take a ton of different things. Salvation Army, Goodwill…all of them have gotten picky and will refuse things even if new on occasion.

It’s really given me a deep revulsion for “stuff”. If something comes into our house it has to have a real purpose, or if it’s replacing something, the old thing must go ASAP.

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[–] FaceDeer@fedia.io 29 points 2 weeks ago (19 children)

Personally, I think we should bring back the custom of grave goods. If there's some precious heirloom that holds sentimental significance to a person but isn't otherwise valuable or useful, why not bury it with them?

I'm already thinking about getting some land and making an "indefinite time capsule" for storing a bunch of stuff that I have no use for but that I wouldn't want to see go off to a landfill for sentimental reasons.

[–] rocky1138@sh.itjust.works 36 points 2 weeks ago (5 children)

I love that your last paragraph explains that you want to avoid things going into a landfill by reinventing a landfill.

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[–] jordanlund@lemmy.world 29 points 2 weeks ago (3 children)

Silver has an inherent melt value though, $30 an ounce.

So say you inherit a silver set weighing 110 troy ounces.

https://www.silverqueen.com/item/250501?Mcat=e7c15b48-b610-4c99-831d-937f77ccc4c9

Just the silver, BY ITSELF, is worth $3,300.

[–] mox@lemmy.sdf.org 43 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

That might be true if it were pure silver, but it isn't.

At best, it could be sterling silver. If it was made in the past century or so, it's likely just silver plated.

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[–] FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 26 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (5 children)

I'm Gen-X and oh my god you have no idea.

My dad was pre-Boomer (born in 1931), but he just endlessly collected stuff. Thousands of movie soundtracks and classical music albums on both LP and CD. Hundreds of DVDs. Mountains of movie memorabilia and posters. Coins. Stamps. Rare books. Antiques. That's just the major collections. Lots of minor ones- sheet music, British cigarette trading cards, and then there are not just the over 20 books he wrote, but extra copies of them. Most of them are academic texts on film. The rest is stuff like terrible poetry and bad plays that no one is interested in but I can't bring myself to get rid of.

Much of it had value, so I didn't want to just dump it. We did an auction for some of it, garage sales, a flea market stall, I ended up spending about two years selling stuff on eBay, I gave a lot to friends, the CDs eventually just had to go to Goodwill because no one wanted them.

And I'm still stuck with a ton of stuff. A garage full of stuff that I don't want to just toss because someday someone might want an almost life-size ceramic bust of Charlie Chaplin and it feels stupid to just throw it away.

Meanwhile, my also pre-boomer mom (born 1942) has been collecting antique furniture.

I think I'm just going to do an estate sale when she dies.

I have one "collection." 5 bakelite radios and one Weltron Space Ball radio/8-track player. My daughter has my permission to take them to some charity place if she doesn't want them. Preferably not Goodwill or the Salvation Army, but those are the choices you get in this town unfortunately. Nothing else I have is of any real value and I'm fine with that. And having seen what I've already gone through to get rid of all of this stuff, my daughter is too.

Edit: I forgot to say that the stuff I talked about doesn't include all the stuff I said to my brother "just take what you want" about because I really didn't want to argue about it and he was going to fuck off back to Atlanta after the funeral anyway. But he doesn't have any kids and he's 11 years older than me, so I'll probably get all that shit too one day.

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[–] GBU_28@lemm.ee 25 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

Happy I have sane parents who consistently downsize and donate without bothering me. We had one conversation where they asked me what I'm interested in. Of course I told them to enjoy their things as they wish.

There was a painting of a beautiful waterfall landscape, painted in 1890, (verified) my grandmother and grandfather bought early in their marriage. I always admired it and it made me think of nostalgic, fond memories of growing up. My dad hated it because that was the formal room he had to sit in for time out. Yoink. It sits in my living room and inspires me every day. A happy trade based on adult conversation.

Context is everything.

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[–] shikitohno@lemm.ee 25 points 2 weeks ago

Part of this seems like it's attributable to changes in lifestyle and material conditions of younger people, relative to their parents. Different aesthetics might mean their parents' stuff looks incredibly gaudy to them, and doesn't go with anything else in their apartment. My parents' home is larger than any place I can reasonably expect to be able to afford, so I also don't want their big dining room table that I'd have to pay for storage on for years before I can afford a space that it will immediately fill all of. Even if it's a nice piece of furniture, that's just a pain in the neck to go through, all for something I might never get to use.

On the topic of collections, boomers just fundamentally ignore key parts of collectibility. First, old collectables only became so valuable precisely because people weren't obsessively hording and caring for everything with the intent of selling it down the line. Old Superman comics are rare and valuable due to people who bought them at the time they first came out largely treating them as disposable. They didn't assume they were anything special that merited being held on to and cared for, so they didn't. When everyone and their dog buys up commemorative plate sets, or Beanie Babies, or whatever other collectable grift boomers fell for, and they take great care of them, they don't generally see their value do anything but decrease. The supply doesn't get significantly reduced, and everyone else can see that they didn't pan out as the collectable investments they were billed as, so who would want them?

That said, even for collections of items of genuine worth, you mostly need to hope that whoever you're looking to give it to is as into whatever hobby as you are. If I were planning on having kids, I think it would be pretty unreasonable to expect them to know what to do with my fountain pen collection, unless they were into them as well. Otherwise, it's just a ton of fussy pens that seem to have a fair number of duplicates that are really only distinguished by knowledge I couldn't expect them to take the time to go gathering. Then, it's still a big pain to actually identify things, make sales listings and sell them off. Hell, I have the knowledge, and even I find it annoying to do so.

Maybe we could address this, in part, by normalizing expanding options a bit for inheritance. If my hypothetical kids aren't going to know how to make heads or tails of my pen collection, but I've got a younger friend who is just as into the hobby as I am, it would be nice if I could just leave them that specific collection, without having to worry it'll kick off some acrimonious squabbling. Failing that, have parents indicate who they trust to sell an item for a fair price if nobody wants it. You can take it and think about it, but if it's just not for you, you've got a trusted source to sell it off for you, so you (hopefully) don't have to go through an ordeal trying to find someone to sell it for you that will give you a fair shake.

[–] nul42@lemmy.ca 23 points 2 weeks ago (5 children)

A trip to the thrift store can help. Its full of fine silverware and crystal and all sorts of nice boomer things. They will see that their treasures are worthless and can be painlessly donated or disposed of.

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[–] 5in1k@lemm.ee 23 points 2 weeks ago (6 children)

My dad just passed and I got a box of ninja swords and a telescope. He didn’t even have any pictures. I wish I had stuff to remember him by but he was destitute the end of his life.

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[–] Blackmist 21 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Yeah, but there's likely a house included in that. For some of you that's the only house you're going to get.

A small price to pay for having to take a load of Precious Moments to the tip.

I myself have a baby's cot in the attic, courtesy of a mental mother-in-law. Nicotine stained blankets, the lot. I have no idea why. We don't want kids. We have never expressed any interest in having one. It's just taking up room. Shipped to us at great expense by somebody who I can only assume thinks she's getting grandchildren out of this. She is not. Not from us anyway. So in the attic it will sit until she dies and then the missus can finally throw it away, safe from a random surprise inspection to make sure we still have it.

If it was left to me it would already be gone, probably into a bonfire.

What really pisses me off is that she had a NES in the room she kept this junk in. Didn't fucking send us that.

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[–] NeryK@sh.itjust.works 21 points 2 weeks ago

"It's not like you guys aren't going to have stuff, because guess what? Amazon is at your house every day,"

Ouch. Right in the furniture.

[–] friend_of_satan@lemmy.world 19 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

We are not a sentimental age

We don't want our parent's china or their ticker-tape parades

We are not a sentimental age

We're out getting high on fire escapes

We are hooking up with strangers we will never see again

We are not a sentimental age

We are not a sentimental age

...

We are not a sentimental age

On our shoulders is a boulder of a debt we cannot pay

We are not a sentimental age

Diagnosis says I tend to disengage

I'd rather have my privacy, I'd rather have my space

These are just the pills I have to take

We are not a sentimental age

https://youtu.be/VMOdzWBu8Ic

[–] fibojoly@sh.itjust.works 17 points 2 weeks ago (5 children)

My auntie has done the opposite for fucking years : she'll come visit her mum and leave with some knicknacks she's had her eye on from a previous visit. My mum is absolutely fuming about it. She absolutely does not need anything, but just the principle of her sister being such a fucking vulture...

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