Setup an appointment with the campus counseling services. They don't offer long-term care (or gender care), but I should at least be able to get a referral for insurance purposes (IDK how much it'll be with the shitty student health plan). I've never felt able to pursue treatment, due to a paranoia of being involuntarily institutionalized. I've always lied on intake questionnaires.

I also need to contact local LGBT+ groups to figure out what external providers have a good track-record with gender affirming care. I've seen plenty of horror stories (here and elsewhere) about therapists.

EDIT:

how to convince cat that chickens are friends not food?

i wanna gossip so bad about a group chat i'm in but i realized it's basically dredge tank level liberalism

My girlfriend and I made each other playlists. That's my type of gay shit

up with trans

::: spoiler cw mental/physical health Im slowly realizing how much the years of physical therapy I had as a child fucked me up emotionally without actually doing anything for me physically. One hour a week of being told that the way my body exists is wrong and bad, and that the way I move my body was wrong. I stopped dancing, i used to dance so much and i loved it, i just stopped being able to move my body in expressive ways. and it all coincided with puberty where my body went from fine to actually terrible for me to exist in and i got all dysphoric without having the words to talk about it. Fuck i never had a chance did i?

For the people who asked for mini pics a few days ago, here are the last two I did.

The first one is the mini of the month. It was supposed to be a joke mini as the theme for this mini from my store was supposed to be camo. I was going to poorly paint it in Ultramarine colors, put an awkwardly painted omega and write “Ultrahumies” on it. I know it’s AoS, but I wanted to have fun. But it turned out very nicely, so I just ran with it. It’s one of my better paint jobs for sure.

Not fond of the second one. Kept the colors flat as I didn’t want to mix up proper highlights and the like for that color of blue. It turned out fine, but it’s really flat and I hate it. I’m not gonna go back and fix it.

down with cis

Been thinking about monsters lately, it's getting to SPOOKY season so it's on my mind.

I think it's pretty well known that monsters generally represent the neuroticisms and anxieties of a given culture. Two of the best known are: Vampires, old perverse aristocrats literally sucking the life blood of the peasants/working class and seemingly unable to enjoy any of the wealth or food they've pulled together; Zombies (more Romero on), representing mindless consumerism and the loss of individuality.

Mummies come about out of colonial guilt and fascination with Egypt, the guilt of plundering ancient resting places and grinding ancient kings into paint (and also food). And of course, Indian Burial Grounds in King and pop culture more generally giving rise to cursed land that drive out or kill white settlers like in Poltergeist or Pet Semetary. Or Frankenstein coming about at the frontier of biological sciences, if they can make microbes come back to life and make dead frogs and their legs bounce about with the application of electricty - why not a human? Or even more recently, Jurassic Park (now more child friendly because of the movies but the original book is quite horrific) showing we are fucking around with things we don't understand on the edge of microbiological sciences. I remember a similar feeling when I was in a genetics lab and we were inserting vectors in E Coli to make them antibiotic resistant and glow in UV light and thinking "mkay this is way too prosaic of a setting, an early morning lab in a 2nd year Bachelor's degree course, for us to be messing this closely with genes, cause across the way they're inserting fluorescent anti-cancer antibodies and messing around with HeLa cells, and etc."

And then the way more recent, like the past couple decades, monsters are like Slenderman or the momo challenge or the backrooms seem to be more about the leaking of computer/the internet with the real world with usually terrifying or deadly consequences.

Anyway, that's my yapping

TIL I have the energy of a guy with a trans gf (it was said in a friendly way and like, I do, two of thjem actually, so).

I managed to get home from work early so I should have time to do all those chores I was supposed to do yesterday.

Surely I won't procrastinate and go to bed unhappy again.

Uhhh everyone I know irl has such terrible security culture, is addicted to instagram, and wants to be publicly sharing things that put my comrades at risk and i feel like I'm screaming into the void when i talk to anyone about it

Honestly if youre in an organising space, pick an alias, half the people I've met through organising, I really wish they didnt know my name.

i never know what to post here. my life sounds very strange to most people, and has little to do with being trans anymore. but i wanna do my part for the war effort. so have an update on my morning.

i drove to the nearest village to do my weekly check for mail. my package wasn't there. very annoying. but i didn't want to waste a trip so i went skipping and found some floor tiles, 10m of agricultural hosepipe, a bucket, a chair and a window frame. this will all come in handy.

holy shit I'm reading this book chapter assigned to me by a professor and... I think the author is an ML? in academia?? oh my god???

okay I did some further research into this person and apparently he currently teaches in Vietnam?

Last night I shaved my legs and did a little fashion show in the mirror other the only femme clothes I own: my socks. It was so funnnn

This is the 2nd kid in as many days where they parents saw a tiny little bit of improvement and now they wanna go home.

Cmon, your child couldn't breathe yesterday in emergency until they got dex (one kid needed mag sulfate 😬) and back to back ventolin. They still needed oxygen overnight to maintain their sats even though we got them off hiflo. No. The doctors will not discharge you - you can always leave against medical advice (this isnt prison) but it's a whole thing, just stay the extra night and day.

Also, already getting weary of anti medicine and anti immunization parents and respiratory season barely started. What the fuck do you want us to do. You don't believe in medicine for your child and don't want them to get anything. Like. That's what the hospital is for. Sure, we can get an xray - oh whaddya know, bronchitis/asthma exacerbation. Would you like to treat it besides the oxygen nasal prongs your kids been fighting for the last day?

OK so please don't Matt Walsh me, but what the fuck is a woman? It's an undeniable fact that I prefer she/her to he/him. I love my chosen name so many times more than my birth one. Every time I remind myself I'm wearing lady socks, I feel cozy (most accurate word I can think of). But if I ask myself if I actually "feel" like a woman, I can't answer it. I get that I get to claim the word if I want it, but I can't figure out if I do. It's weird.

I have gained gender confusion once again

I'm movin' different, this shit ain't nothin' to me, I'm not a man. I'm a doggirl.

I'm putting the finishing touches on an app I'm working on and just now realizing a big part of UX design is preventing users from doing something stupid or at least telling them to stop trying to do stupid things

though I will admit sometimes I need that when I'm the user

If you're sick with something, even if it's not even bad or a real illness, you're supposed to like lay in bed 24/7 until it goes away right?

just got called gay by someone called achilles

i have a strong urge to play hide and seek

Edit: The fictitious equivalence in the word "totalitarianism" matches the libs here — obviously "fascism" would be preferable to insert here regardless of Orwell's stated intent

Tucking sucks and free balling is painful because of the seams going right down the center. Wat do