this post was submitted on 09 Sep 2024
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Science Memes

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[–] KellysNokia@lemmy.world 118 points 2 months ago (3 children)

Thoughts and prayers for the one patient for whom it actually was a freak accident

[–] hemko@lemmy.dbzer0.com 28 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Probably the priest who fell on a potato while cooking naked

[–] Deepus@lemm.ee 16 points 2 months ago (1 children)

How'd you know he was a priest if he was naked?

[–] hemko@lemmy.dbzer0.com 23 points 2 months ago

He was praying when it happened. "Oh my god"

[–] BarrelAgedBoredom@lemm.ee 27 points 2 months ago

Fun fact: If you actually fell and landed on something with enough force to make it's way inside of you the object would quite literally rip your asshole. When it's a true accident, it's very clear due to the blood loss and whatnot

[–] JusticeForPorygon@lemmy.world 9 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Reminds me of the episode of Seinfeld when Frank gets a pasta statue stuck up his ass

[–] FinalRemix@lemmy.world 6 points 2 months ago

Million-to-one shot, doc!

[–] AngryishHumanoid@reddthat.com 95 points 2 months ago (1 children)

This sign is bullshit, I accidentally put my prostate massager in my butt all the time, sometimes twice in one day.

[–] TerminalEncounter@hexbear.net 30 points 2 months ago

You should try doing it on purpose at least once

[–] TheSlad@sh.itjust.works 90 points 2 months ago (1 children)

If i ever get something stuck up my ass while trying to pleasure myself and need medical help to remove it, I will absolutely try to come up with the most convoluted and ridiculous story for how it got there. Not out of embarrasment, but just to give the ER nurses a good laugh.

[–] irreticent@lemmy.world 16 points 2 months ago (1 children)
[–] over_clox@lemmy.world 4 points 2 months ago
[–] li10 67 points 2 months ago (4 children)

who tf putting a key up there?

[–] over_clox@lemmy.world 66 points 2 months ago (2 children)

Sorry, I thought it would unlock it so I could get all the other items out. Guess it was the wrong key though.. ☹️

[–] geogle@lemmy.world 19 points 2 months ago (2 children)
[–] alquicksilver@lemmy.world 25 points 2 months ago

No, it got stuck because it's dark, so I had to look for it with my flashlight.

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[–] moosetwin@lemmy.dbzer0.com 4 points 2 months ago (2 children)

consider putting a magnet up there to get the key

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[–] usualsuspect191@lemmy.ca 44 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Where else can you store them while swimming?

[–] absGeekNZ@lemmy.nz 13 points 2 months ago

Ah the old prison wallet. Classic.

[–] Eyeuhnluuung@lemmy.world 17 points 2 months ago (1 children)

I work in a ER and can assure you people high on meth put all sorts of crazy shit in their butt.

[–] Deconceptualist@lemm.ee 17 points 2 months ago (3 children)

Dare I ask, why? I mean obviously meth addicts aren't known for their shrewd decisions in general, but is there some sensory or cognitive change in particular that compels them to put foreign objects in their butts more than say, alcoholics would?

[–] Eyeuhnluuung@lemmy.world 21 points 2 months ago

Mainly the intense drive for sexual stimulation on meth combined with disinhibition and just general bad decision making.

[–] themoken@startrek.website 4 points 2 months ago

Also curious. Possibly just sex / masturbation getting out of hand with intense stimulants, or maybe meth induced paranoia makes putting something in your ass for safe keeping seem reasonable... Meth heads generally aren't hanging out in the safest conditions.

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[–] khannie@lemmy.world 4 points 2 months ago

I heard about a guy once, who was a POW, and his friend wanted him to keep a watch for his son so he shoved it way up there.

The reference for the younger among us.

[–] SatansMaggotyCumFart@lemmy.world 41 points 2 months ago

This sign was made by someone who's never wiped with single-ply before.

[–] DarkCloud@lemmy.world 33 points 2 months ago (3 children)

...and I got news for you, if someone is trying to get you to pull marbles out their ass, then that's their fetish... Because no one is worried that small marble sized balls won't eventually come out naturally... They're looking to bring attention that they're up there (and possibly to get someone to try to get them out). People are weird.

[–] frezik@midwest.social 31 points 2 months ago

Given US healthcare, that's gotta be more expensive than a leather fetish.

[–] over_clox@lemmy.world 12 points 2 months ago

Speaking from experience? 🤔

[–] Neon@lemmy.world 11 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Dude, if I have anything up my ass, I'm going to the hospital asap.

"it's going to come out anyway" sounds like Darwin-award last words

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[–] Cagi@lemmy.ca 27 points 2 months ago (2 children)

"Million to one shot, doc"

[–] scrubbles@poptalk.scrubbles.tech 5 points 2 months ago

It was a fusilli Jerry

[–] sundray@lemmus.org 24 points 2 months ago

"We are discreet. But we also think it's funny."

[–] the_post_of_tom_joad@hexbear.net 19 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (2 children)

I know from first hand experience you can't do it by accident as one time, hung over and showering in the dark in the early morning i got a little dizzy and sat down.

Perfectly meeting my starfish to the shampoo bottle on the floor. It could not have been more on target had i attempted this.

I shot up, seeing stars like for real for only the second time in my life. I wasnt dizzy, I was up and at em' baby. Wooo what a rush! Hurt a lot for a minute. Hard as i sat down I don't think that bottle tip made it a millimeter into my pooper.

So yeah, impossible

[–] rockerface@lemm.ee 13 points 2 months ago (1 children)

The sphincter is one of the few muscles that is contracted by default, and you have to consciously loose. So yeah, unless you have some medical condition, not very likely to get something in by accident

[–] the_post_of_tom_joad@hexbear.net 8 points 2 months ago (2 children)

contracted by default

Cool, what others are there? Also, goofy question: what's the relative strength of this 'outer anus'? It wasn't listed in my search for strongest muscles and most results are tips on gaining anus strength

[–] Infynis@midwest.social 14 points 2 months ago

most results are tips on gaining anus strength

Has the Olympics gone too far?

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[–] Evil_Shrubbery@lemm.ee 15 points 2 months ago

... that sign ... they just kept it because it seemed funny after they retrieved it from a pacient.

[–] krimson@lemmy.world 9 points 2 months ago (5 children)
[–] Alawami@lemmy.ml 17 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Fastest salmonella in the west.

[–] ruk_n_rul@monyet.cc 4 points 2 months ago

It comes out the way it went in 😂

[–] nightofmichelinstars@sopuli.xyz 6 points 2 months ago

What if it's fertilized?

[–] GooberEar@lemmy.wtf 4 points 2 months ago

Scramble it.

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[–] SweetCitrusBuzz@beehaw.org 9 points 2 months ago (4 children)
[–] don@lemm.ee 31 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Because pineapples are a bit trickier, obviously

[–] Evil_Shrubbery@lemm.ee 19 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (1 children)

Especially if there is already a pizza in there - people get rally mad & very political

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[–] ArmoredThirteen@lemmy.ml 8 points 2 months ago

Relatively smooth, round and 'filling', comes with a convenient stem to hold on to that definitely won't break on extraction

[–] Evil_Shrubbery@lemm.ee 4 points 2 months ago (1 children)

... I can only assume it's like peanut butter with dogs, but you know, for horses.

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[–] Yorick@sh.itjust.works 5 points 2 months ago

Missed the opportunity to put a golden watch on that picture.

[–] rockhstrongo@lemmy.world 3 points 2 months ago

I know a medical coder that works exclusively with an ER. Oh the stories I've heard...

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