Welcome to /c/traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns, an anti-capitalist meme community for transgender and gender diverse people.
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her,,, expolde
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Hi I don't normally participate in this comm but I noticed the thread pic is Vivian and I will always upvote Best Girl
Here's some nature shots from my Grass Touching Sojourn. Mixed in some river, some lake and some sea.
look i like water ok 
More trans memes shamelessly stolen from Dorley Discord:
i love saying "hot girl shit" about literally anything i do
trips and spills a whole pot of beanis and the pot cracks tiles on the floor h-hot girl shit
Watching a video on some bad obscure visual novel and this is supposed to be the run-of-the-mill straight male audience stand in
This is literally just an egg
transition anxieties, not consequential
Why is it that now that I've actually started the process of getting HRT, I'm suddenly getting doubts again 
I experience physical dysphoria and I've wanted this badly for over a year. I think feeling this kind of anxiety is normal, but still. brain, why?
transphobia
Had an old man with an hat get in my face last night and saying classic transphobic shit. I just laughed at him and said nice try. He was so mad, chat. Proud of myself for slowly getting confidence over these shitbirds.
[CW: body image]
As a guy I worried so much about being too small / skinny etc.
As a girl I constantly fret I'm not small / skinny enough
It never ends 
how can one be silly without being embarassed or fearing judgement? masc upbringing broke this side of me
It just kinda feels weird being a trans woman but then being like, I wouldn't say a tomboy... But yeah. Futchy. It's really hard to get across my gender really. My two friends I was hanging out with yesterday are so femme and cute and sometimes I wish I wanted to be that cute and fem but like if I do that much it ends up making me feel weird lol. Like it would be easier to assert my gender if I wasbt playing in the middle or something. Such a confusing feeling.
Gonna make another post about my body
My cishet housemate has such brainworms about gender, its so weird. Like she always judges people on their gender, says their gender explains whatever personality trait she's talking about. She is in theory supportive of trans people, but its clear that she sees us as outsiders to the "normal" gender roles. She is a feminist, but completely entrenched in cishet gender norms. Its bizarre. I have no conception of gender so to see someone so obsessed with gender in such a weird way is just strange
It's the 51st anniversary of a terrible tragedy, but this is the trans mega, so we'll talk about the gender reveal instead 
saw my therapist in person for the first time yesterday and got my annual reminder that I can talk to people irl when I want to
therapy this aft, i'm gonna bring the itemized list of reasons i cant dress cute to it and demand she make me stop caring about them, while also being on a video call with my cute ultra-fem hair that i cut myself.
then, the next stage in my evil plan is to turn on my camera at work tomorrow and unveil my cuteness 
watching am*rican cooking videos is driving me insane wtf is ""half a cup"" as if that's a real measurment??
me: maybe I'm not autistic
also me: scores higher than 100% of neurotypical people and 90% of autistic people on the monotropism questionnaire
This whole "being trans" is probably the most emotionally draining thing I have ever experienced. I'm not sure if I've ever stretched my brain like I have these past months. Its overwhelming. My social battery being drained right now probably doesn't help. Maybe I'm conflating the two a little bit.
I am starting a diary on gender feels.
I have had the same beard for 10 years. I've trimmed it of course, but it's been a long time since I ever shaved it off. I was going to put it off to the weekend, but I decided to go for it and just get rid of it.
I thought I might feel euphoria from shaving it, and I was worried that I'd feel nothing at all. However, it turned out to be a third thing that I was not expecting.
CW Dysphoria (pretty sure)
spoiler
I felt happy as I started shaving, but then when I was finished I was looking at my face and I don't even recognize myself. It's been so long I had no clue what I looked like without facial hair. I don't like my lips, they are so thin. I don't think my bare face is particularly masculine, at least not stereotypically masculine, but it's not particularly feminine either, nor androgyne. I don't even know what it looks like, but I really don't like it as is. I've been growing my hair out longer (which was part of the process of figuring things out), and my current haircut doesn't fit with my face. With the beard, it was presentable as a male face, more aesthetic at least. Without the beard, I don't like it very much at all, and I feel nervous about going to work where my co-workers have never seen me without it. I don't know what this means.
I nuzzled my cat. I liked the feeling of her fur on my face, unimpeded by facial hair. My face still hurts though from the cheap razor (and not properly washing my face first because I didn't want to drag my feet.)
I don't think I want my beard back, but I do want a face that I can like. I feel very sad right now.
On a more positive note (still dysphoria mention), I recorded myself with some different voice pitches earlier today. I definitely like the higher ones. I've never really liked my voice. Trying to sound deeper/more masculine was always hokey and fake, and I hate my default voice.
new roommate is a cis woman, i share a bathroom with her. she just asked me if i'm okay with her keeping her period products in the bathroom and I'm just sitting here like... god I can't even think of an emoji for that one
CW: extremely blatant chaserism and transphobia
I logged back into @Ho_Chi_Chungus@hexbear.net and looked through the inbox to see if I missed anything and I missed a DM from a wrecker from five months ago that just says "Send me pictures of your girl dick" and I know I should be grossed out but I can't help but thinking that's extraordinarily funny because of just how weird it is? like, no, I'm not going to do that, nerd. you're already banned and have been for almost half a year. idk why I think it's really funny but it just was to me
CW misogyny, SA, and discussion of .mil service
Trans guy here, forgive the rambling but edibles are hitting hard rn and I need to dump this somewhere. If anyone can relate or has had a different experience, please feel free to share with the class.
And Stone Butch Blues is already on my to-read list, but if anyone reads this braindump and can recc me theory that deals with any subject that's touched on I would be eternally grateful please and thank you :3
spoiler
Evo psych is bs and smarter people than I have discussed at length why that is. This pattern of behavior though is def something I've experienced and observed throughout my life, especially as the majority of my hobbies and workplaces have always been male dominated. What fucked me up the most tho was the form this behavior took in the .mil. It’s notable bc the .mil has an extreme and explicit form of institutionally enforced hierarchy so the behaviors are particularly toxic and unsubtle and vile.
I refrain from going into how race and class and sexuality etc affected the dynamics not because I didn’t see or experience it, but because I don't want to write ten thousand words rn. I might type it out and clean it up and post it here at some point bc it's been rattling around in my head for years and I need to process it. Until then, assume everyone involved is a wh*te cishet enlisted soldier from families of similar income levels.
||||||
The acceptance from high skill males was conditioned on demonstrated competence. There's always an initial distrust from the misogyny ofc, but the second I or any girl proved we could hang (i.e. be good at the job and perform at least some aspect of masculinity), the most skilled and professional guys took us under their wing and kept other boys from fucking with us.*
Skilled males treated the unskilled women slightly worse than they treated similarly unskilled men. Unskilled males treated unskilled women with more contempt than they treated other unskilled men, and the skilled women on par with the below average men.
If a woman met or exceeded the current cultural beauty standard (and thus performed too much femininity to be taken seriously by brains riddled with patriarchal brainworms), she was taken less seriously by both groups than plain janes and uggos—I counted myself among the latter and it was repeatedly made clear to me that my assessment was correct—that were at similar competence levels. If she was skilled she was taken slightly less seriously than the skilled plains/uggos. If unskilled she was take much, much less seriously.
Regardless of competence the attractive women had more success at the social aspect of the job and thus had slightly more opportunities given to them by less skilled males that had a high enough rank to grant them favors they hoped would result in them getting their dick wet. They often succeeded because they mostly targeted low ranking women who couldn’t really say no because of the implication. 
High rank unskilled males treated the unskilled plain/uggo women with disdain but more or less ignored them like they ignored low ranked unskilled men. With skilled plain/uggo women they had active contempt for them and went out of the way to fuck with them. If a skilled plain/uggo woman didn't have the protection of a high rank skilled man of equal or higher rank to the high rank unskilled man, skilled plain/uggo women were in for an especially miserable time.
Now that I pass as a cis guy and am stealth irl, I feel an immense relief that I'm no longer subjected to the treatment women get.
I'm still a militant feminist and revel in using cis male status to advocate for women and shut misogynistic behavior down, but like yeah, not being treated with automatic contempt because of my gender is so freeing. It's a similar reduction in the background stress I got from getting top surgery, and I sincerely cannot emphasize enough how freeing top surgery was.
Tbh it feels silly to say but I think I've got a sort of survivor's guilt from it. Because of the dysphoria rather than the hardship of being perceived as a women there's no way in hell I would ever go back, but I do feel like I abandoned the homies.**
*when I was in there was a soldier shortage and almost every unit was understaffed, so idk how much of this "acceptance" was driven by the necessity of needing every able body they could get to do the job. I'm curious to know if the pattern holds when they've enough skilled males. I’d also be interesting in knowing how each job and each branch’s culture influences the pattern.
**Until I was able to articulate this to myself, I respected but didn't really fully understand why some binary trans men that identified strongly as a butch lesbian or even non butch lesbian prior to realization/transitioning continued do so after transitioning. Like there's a whole culture to being a woman, a stronger culture to being a lesbian, and an even stronger culture to being a butch lesbian–culture and community is such an essential part of our lives that dropping them is like chopping off a favored limb, and no one should be obligated to chop off a limb.
CW: Codependence, relationships
Yeah, this is one my therapist has been working on with me for the past few weeks. It's crazy looking back at my last relationship how hard I align with her paper. One that caught us both off guard was "Accepting sex as a substitute for love". This is one that I never really had an issue with, but I have like an addiction to positive physical affection such as getting headpats, being held, handholding, ect. There were so many times that I let my ex get away with really harmful shit by just snuggling with me very closely afterwards. I'd often let her treat me like a man during sex because there was a certain way she'd hold me that she'd only do after we had sex and it was my absolute favorite.
I'm really struggling with craving that physical intimacy again even though I know I'm not in a position to connect with someone enough for it to be real intimacy. Sorry for the rant, just kinda wanted to pop off a little bit
I remember hearing "would you still love me if I was a worm?" and laughing about it, what a silly question!
Then I transitioned and started taking E and - to my horror- hearing those exact words coming out of my mouth in complete sincerity to my ex lmao
Oh look another town in a rural area that had a train system that was demolished in the 20-30’s for car infrastructure. 
been applying to jobs for weeks and finally got offered two interviews at once. both jobs suck but it'll be okay
Well, no one at work has commented on me shaving my beard. I work at a place where most people wear casual clothes, so I decided to overdress as well ( black slacks, white shirt but no tie) and no one commented or asked on that either. It just feels really weird since none of them have ever seen me clean shaven. I am trying to resist the temptation to overanalyze.
Kinda want to leave my apartment forever. It's so lonely and boring here
My dreams sometimes feel like very good stories that are being read to me. I just woke up from an awesome matrix-like story concept that had good twists and just really creative little concepts throughout. But because my dreams are super abstract I can’t write them in words and will just have to keep the cool stories to myself.
Sometimes I wish I could communicate with others through the abstractions that are my thoughts and dreams because words are so limiting
My COVID consciousness club is going to have some hardline rules: no Blue MAGA/Blue-no-matter-who, no pro-Dem/pro-Kamala bullshit, no COVID minimization.
Basically, no liberalism allowed. I anticipate it will not be popular in my school full of white libs.
which link are you? I aspire to be sassy windwaker link
Ass so fat I get taller when I sit down