"Hey that didn't feel great when you said that"

"Oh I'm sorry I'll try better next time thank you for telling me."

Literally that easy folks.

Shout, shout, let it all out

Ableism's a thing I can do without

I don't want to keep a tone tag reference sheet open to have a conversation though

THERE'S LIKE 5 WTF ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT

Yes, fuckin preach

Had to look up what a tone tag was. Didn’t know there’s a name for it or that it was used outside of Reddit. I assumed it originated from Reddit because it was a reference to HTML and everyone on Reddit is a stemlord

It is pretty toxic how rare it is for people to ask clarifying questions rather than just assuming the worst and taking the opportunity to dunk. Just no good at all and it can be tiring, not least because I'd like to believe the other person isn't that malicious or incompetent irl.

In my experience practicing deescalatory / "organizer mode" conversation irl can really help with this. I don't know why it does but it's like working out a muscle and it gets stronger over time and eventually it forces me to be more patient even with very wrong and belligerent people. In turn this actually helps me out because I get less frustrated overall and can put my limited emotional resources into other things. I have no idea if this would be helpful for you, just sharing something I've recognized in myself.

"Hey Gorb cheer up mate its not that bad"

Me literally sitting and vibing to music doing my work.

I cant even just sit quietly and enjoy my time alone with them getting uppity. NT's go in the bin

I don’t identify as neurodivergent, but I tend to misread/assume negative (which is the result of my own set of traumas and history that I need to police). And it’s a stark contrast, because you’re saying you tend to be understanding as a neurodiverse individual with misreads, holy shit most neurotypical people are the exact opposite. Zero consideration that they might have been putting out negative signals, it must be the person misreading‘a fault.

TIL tone tags exist.

That whole "communication is a two-way street" pisses me off, because it always means I have to cater to them, never the other way.
When I get interrupted or am having a stressful conversation, my reaction is to raise my voice. Some people cry, I raise my voice. It is completely involuntary. I developed it because people keep interrupting me, and so I have learned to stand my ground.

And NT fucking love to say that I'm bad at communication, but seems to me they're the ones who suck at it.
I have ADHD and I've learnt I can be grating in ways I do not perceive myself. I've learnt to be upfront. If I am working on a project with a colleague and it seems like we're not getting along I'll ask "hey it seems like we're not getting along, but since we're going to have to work together we can't just ignore each other. Would you mind telling me what I'm doing that's frustrating you?"
It never goes anywhere though. They always say "nothings wrong! I think we're getting along great!" Then two months later at some informal event they'll finally have worked up the liquid courage to tell me what it is.
It's always something I'm doing wrong and never a question of maybe being misunderstood! It'll be something like raising the voice. But instead of asking why I do it, it's always "this is wrong of you to do" but if it's a two-way street why tf do they never stop and wonder WHY I am raising my voice? Could it be that they're also doing something?
I'll get told that I'm bad at communicating, but I'm not the one who can't figure out to voice my frustrations with the other person, nor am I the one who can't perceive an issue or ask about it so that it can be solved.

People like to say autisticics are bad at communication, but my autistic friends are some of the easiest to get along with. They'll be at a party and straight up tell me "hey there's too much going on and I'm getting kind of tired. Do you have a place I can retreat to for a while, otherwise I'll have to go home?"

My NT friends will join a group playing a drinking game and actively sabotage the game so its not as fun, so they can convince people to stop playing the game and do something else instead. My NT friends will say shit like "is it just me, or do you feel a breeze too?" Which apparently means "close the window", so when I answer "no I don't feel a breeze, but then again I am wearing a long-sleeved shirt" IM THE RUDE ONE.

You know what my autistic friends do when they want me to close a window? They say "hey I'm cold, would you mind closing the window?"
But yeah it's definitely the neurodivergent that are bad at communicating.

Never look inwards NT people it's never you. And you are oh so accommodating! All the times ND people annoy you and you say nothing? So grand of you. Could it be that you also annoy ND people and we say nothing? Surely not, and if it is the case, then that's just those weird ND people who need to learn to chill out and fit in.

I support this but I dont know what this is

This is because many people are illiterate. Literacy is more than just understanding all the words in front of you. Understand the intended audience is part of it. Understanding tone from what is written is another. Understanding the implicit meaning is another. Understanding the subject of the material another. Understanding the entirety of it and how each part works together to convey the message is another.

People are seriously lacking ALL OR MOST of these skills. It is a literacy problem. When you see someone respond to a tweet putting "some people" on blast as if it pertained to them personally, they are illiterate. They lack reading comprehension skills. They did not understand the subject and intended audience of the tweet. It may be due to some cognitive or learning issue but usually it is not. They simply cannot read well and were never really taught well. I find that this is largely Americans who have this issue.

It is not an online thing. This is a problem in general.

/s goes at the end because it's funnier. tags conveying important meaning should have the open tag too (this shit all comes from computer nerd shit) like the inverted leading punctuation used in spanish so that you read with the correct inflection the first time instead of having to re-read.

I pepper end-smilies at the end of my sentences for that purpose 🤷

It conveys the same thing usually and helps with the missing body language.