this post was submitted on 09 Apr 2024
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Lemmy Shitpost

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Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

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[–] RedditWanderer@lemmy.world 67 points 7 months ago (1 children)
[–] Mr_Fish@lemmy.world 25 points 7 months ago (2 children)

<2$ of large keyring is an option

[–] BobbyNevada@discuss.tchncs.de 17 points 7 months ago (1 children)

Stealing a doormat is also an option.

[–] HootinNHollerin@lemmy.world 11 points 7 months ago (1 children)

That’s how you get a turd on your doorknob from a neighbor

[–] melpomenesclevage@lemm.ee 3 points 7 months ago (3 children)

So steal near a friends house.

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[–] Ghostalmedia@lemmy.world 3 points 7 months ago

Then $40 for sexy cargo pants to hold your giant keyring.

[–] MrJameGumb@lemmy.world 44 points 7 months ago (3 children)

I think the real question here is wtf kind of crazy doorknob is that?!?!?

[–] Raptor_007@lemmy.world 31 points 7 months ago (3 children)

I’m betting this is less of a knob and more of an immobile handle.

[–] Obi@sopuli.xyz 8 points 7 months ago

You'd be correct, my front door works similarly (minus the key-swallower under it).

[–] cm0002@lemmy.world 7 points 7 months ago (1 children)

That just makes this even more evil lol

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[–] nodiet@feddit.de 2 points 7 months ago (2 children)

What's the difference? (Asking as a non-native English speaker)

[–] JasonDJ@lemmy.zip 2 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago)

The key opens what is basically a deadbolt, and the only actual latch for the door.

The "knob" isn't so much a knob, but a stationary/fixed handle for pulling the door.

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[–] Madison420@lemmy.world 8 points 7 months ago

90° rotated robotic horse penis and it. Is. A. Fan. Of. Yoooohooouuuu!

[–] JeeBaiChow@lemmy.world 5 points 7 months ago

Small pistol grip, John woo style.

[–] 5714@lemmy.dbzer0.com 40 points 7 months ago (1 children)

I'd keep the keys attached to a belt or wrists or something. If I lived there long enough, I'd even steal the lid and replace it with something finer...

[–] variants@possumpat.io 18 points 7 months ago (1 children)

It's fine the person in the picture is a pro that can hold the keys like a power puff girl

[–] VindictiveJudge@lemmy.world 4 points 7 months ago (1 children)

Wasn't there a scene where they discussed how weird their hands were?

[–] variants@possumpat.io 3 points 7 months ago (1 children)

I think when the professor got turned into one or something and couldn't pick things up

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[–] aeronmelon@lemmy.world 39 points 7 months ago (2 children)

I hate drain holes that appear to go all the way down to bedrock where you can feel heat coming from the earth below. Like it's the first chapter of Journey to the Center of the Earth.

[–] Nasan@sopuli.xyz 5 points 7 months ago

Guy in front of a no knock raid party gets to confirm the hollow earth theory for himself.

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[–] sagrotan@lemmy.world 15 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago) (3 children)

Cheap pickset and learn to do it: priceless. No. 1 life skill.

[–] Carbonizer@lemmy.world 11 points 7 months ago

Until you drop that down the grate too

[–] bruhduh@lemmy.world 11 points 7 months ago

Lockpicklawyer alt account detected /jk

[–] general_kitten@sopuli.xyz 7 points 7 months ago (1 children)

At least where i live your regular home locks are secure enough that non-destructive entry requires specialized tools and close to LPL level skill. In my country there was once a serial burglar that could do that and for a long time police didnt even believe the that there even was any burglary.

[–] yuriy@lemmy.world 7 points 7 months ago (1 children)

You in one of those schmancy countries where everyone’s got them fucken assa abloys on their tool sheds?

[–] general_kitten@sopuli.xyz 4 points 7 months ago (3 children)

Ye but the sheds have the worse assa abloys

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[–] someguy3@lemmy.ca 14 points 7 months ago (1 children)
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[–] Ghostalmedia@lemmy.world 14 points 7 months ago (1 children)

Seeing all these “just get a giant key chain” comments reminds me that Lemmy’s core user base is the software engineer who stores a giant keychain in his cargo shorts, along side a multitool and the world’s thickest wallet.

[–] knexcar@lemmy.world 5 points 7 months ago (1 children)

You mean it’s NOT an accurate random sample of reality?

[–] Ghostalmedia@lemmy.world 4 points 7 months ago

Wait. Everyone isn’t running Linux on their daily driver?

[–] boatsnhos931@lemmy.world 11 points 7 months ago

Look... If you had... one shot... or one opportunity... To open every door you ever wanted... one moment... Would you capture it? Or just let it slip? Yo His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy There's vomit on his sweater already, mom's spaghetti He's nervous, but on the surface he looks calm and ready to drops bombs, but he keeps on forgetting what he wrote down, the whole crowd goes so loud He opens his hands but the keys won't come out He's chokin, how? Everybody's jokin now The clock's run out, time's up, over - BLAOW!

[–] taanegl@lemmy.world 10 points 7 months ago

House owner: That's $499 for a new key.

[–] synapse1278@lemmy.world 9 points 7 months ago (1 children)

Just use a keychain that is bigger that the grill pitch, any small trinket will do.

[–] Ghostalmedia@lemmy.world 4 points 7 months ago

But then you need to carry around a big keychain.

[–] MalachaiConstant@lemmy.world 9 points 7 months ago (3 children)

NO.

If anyone has a term for this specific phobia, please let me know

[–] Squirrelanna@lemmynsfw.com 4 points 7 months ago

llllkeyllllphobia. Makes about as much sense as some other phobia names!

[–] tetris11@lemmy.ml 4 points 7 months ago

His palms are sweaty
Knees weak, arms are heavy...

[–] Ghostalmedia@lemmy.world 8 points 7 months ago

This could make me carry around my keys on a retractable lanyard like a postal worker.

[–] sirico 8 points 7 months ago

My partners keys would be safe

[–] Sam_Bass@lemmy.world 5 points 7 months ago

Folded beach towel is one and done

[–] mikezane@lemmynsfw.com 5 points 7 months ago (2 children)

You could just get a largish key chain accessory.

[–] dejected_warp_core@lemmy.world 3 points 7 months ago (1 children)

I think you'd be in gas-station-keyring territory to do the job reliably. How about a hubcap?

[–] Dasus@lemmy.world 3 points 7 months ago

I prefer those little plastic shovels.

[–] Administrator@lemm.ee 3 points 7 months ago

this guy drops (his keys)

[–] Semi_Hemi_Demigod@lemmy.world 4 points 7 months ago

Some window screen and zip ties would solve that problem.

[–] dumbass@lemy.lol 2 points 7 months ago (1 children)

If you had a basement that lead up to that drain you could put some mesh angled down, busy a hole into the the drain from your basement and if some stranger tries to grab your keys you can drop them inside.

[–] helpImTrappedOnline@lemmy.world 4 points 7 months ago

if some stranger tries to grab your keys you can drop them inside.

When it finally happens "HA, I've been waiting 49 years for this exact situation! they all said I crazy." Old man shouts at sky "I told you Grettle that I'd have a use for that hole someday!!!"

A few moments later "Now, how do I get to the basment with no key"

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