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another shitty vent post
A friend pointed out that all I do is vent but I never move forward. She's right. That is what I do.
Why did me and my life have to turn out so shit. Why can so many others deal with this and I can't. Suffering doesn't make you stronger, it has slowly destroyed me. I'm not a happy child any more. I'm a dead eyed adult. god I wish heaven was real. My one life, gone, ruined. Wasted. Unable to make anything of it. Because I am a disgusting waste of a human being.
I can't move forward, there's nothing there anyway. I don't blame being trans, or autistic, I blame myself. Because I am a waste. Everyone around me has tried to help, tried to support. I just suck all of their efforts down. I'm sorry for wasting so much of your time.
I don't even know why I'm a failure like this. By all accounts I shouldn't be. Maybe if I struggled more as a child I'd have been able to cope better. Maybe if I suffered less as an adult I'd be able to cope better. Maybe, maybe, maybe. Like it matters.
What matters is I can't do better. I don't understand how other people can and I can't. All the other questions have been answered. I understand so much. But not that. Why is everyone else so much more able then me.
Sorry. There really was no point saying this. I guess knowing other people know how I feel helps. Or something. I can't explain it. :::
oh honey your feelings are valid and i'm so sorry that you are having to deal with so many difficult ones at once. Being trans is life on hard mode and it doesn't clear us from all the usual fears and troubles it just compounds 'em.
I can tell you I had to slog through a lot of black depression before i fought my way through it and felt okay again. but i know it's possible. I believe in you and that you'll find your worth and learn to love yourself limitlessly. โค๏ธ๐ซ
Thank you. It really is, tbh I couldn't do life before this so I have no idea how I'm going to now. And yea, it is making all my other fears and problems worse.
I don't have a fight in me. I'm glad it was possible for you.
Thank you for your kind message, I know I'm still dooming and shit but it really does mean a lot to me. I'll keep re reading it and trying to believe you.