traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns
Welcome to /c/traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns, an anti-capitalist meme community for transgender and gender diverse people.
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Brains are confusing
I relate to this so much, and I find that I have to rely on myself to interpret things. Which is, like, terrifying, because if I misread things I might feel super embarrassed. I'm very much used to relying on someone else's opinions
Sadly I am pretty much the opposite, I am quiet to the point that I can't engage and others don't know how and neither do I. It's frustrating because I can't hate myself but also, hot damn I would like to change this about myself. I wish I had better insight for this specifically
No kidding...
I have very much got into the habit of just not making any assumptions or interpretations beyond the very literal. I must be infuriating to talk to but lol
If you find a really weird special interest that you really like, maybe it'll drive you to talk more? :3 The vast majority of my social motivation is talking about weird stuff, Idk.
Interpreting is annoying
Beyond the core assumption that people don't want to talk to me, I have avoided interpreting to an intense degree, in that if people don't talk to me I assume that means they just don't want to. If I initiate a conversation, and the other person doesn't initiate the next time, I am left in analysis paralysis and we often don't talk again. It's like I want someone to run in and slam the "Executive Function" button for me.
I grew up watching reality TV so sometimes I use my imagination and pretend I'm in a confessional on an island in Panama, or whatever. It's a framing device for me and only me lol
I have interests that I go nuts for, I just get caught in this assumption that people don't want to hear about it. Because if I talk and nobody responds, I get very caught up in why people didn't respond. I'm fighting years of post-game analysis every time I say something and wonder what people think. I want to understand so I can improve. But the world just at large doesn't care if I specifically understand things, so...
yeag
Aaaaaaaaaaa me shouts to every connection that died due to this!!!
Yeah, I mean it's kind of like this. I can tell you with complete certainty that probably 90% of the time when I post long rambling yapsessions about some weird novella nobody has ever heard of, nobody cares. I'm just going off into the void most times, and if someone replies that's rad. There aren't any negative consequences for it, so why not right?
People "don't respond" for such a wide variety of different reasons, and I can tell because I've had people here speak up to the effect that they enjoy reading my trash (???) which I greatly appreciate, and which also surprised me because they'd never said anything to me once, lol. Our minds catastrophise about the worst possible reasons but I find it's usually pretty mundane stuff. If anybody hates my guts for being an annoying yapper they have not made it known :3
Oh totally, and for a long time, "not responding" had a ton of negative baggage for me, like I'm knowingly being ignored or something, which is rarely the case. I try to view it more neutrally, accept that I have the same freedom to respond to others (or not) as anybody.
Pretty much how I view it too, it's hard to detach in that way but y'know, better for you.