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I’m an Undecided Hobbit, Torn Between a Dark Lord Who Promises an Age of Chaos and an Elf Queen Whom I Just Wish I Knew More About (www.mcsweeneys.net)

submitted 1 month ago by geekwithsoul@lemm.ee to c/theonion@midwest.social

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I’m torn. Both Galadriel and Sauron say the other is a threat to Middle-earth. One has to be wrong, so whom am I to trust? Should I trust the Dark Lord who attempted to topple the White City of Gondor, dominate all life, and attempt to stay in power for eternity? Or do I trust the Elf Queen representing the coalition of Men and Elves who defeated Sauron when he tried to enslave the Free Peoples… but could maybe do more meet-and-greets?

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[–] geekwithsoul@lemm.ee 8 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Wow, I never realized you could see outraged, frothing at the mouth spittle flying around via text before. Thanks for the educational moment.

[–] frauddogg@hexbear.net 23 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

The better parts of you clearly soaked into the mattress on the night of your conception. You physically disgust me, in every way, you smug fuck. What galls me is I went to the effort of finding evidence from a rag somebody like you would read, and all you've got is soulless redditorisms.

I eagerly await the fall of your society.

[–] geekwithsoul@lemm.ee 8 points 1 month ago (2 children)

Do you need a hug? It sounds like you need a hug.

And jokes on you, I was conceived in the backseat of a car. Don't you feel foolish now?

[–] frauddogg@hexbear.net 22 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

Die screaming, thanks. I don't even have anything pithy for this, I just pray for the absolute worst for you, and everybody like you.

[–] geekwithsoul@lemm.ee 5 points 1 month ago

Okay. See ya!