traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns
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autism (a bit sad)
I was thinking about stimming earlier, so I looked up some information on it. I didn't really understand the line between NT and ND stimming, but overall thought mine wasn't that bad or often. A few things I did were on the ND list and the ones on the NT list seemed really mild, but yea. Not bad. I just have this one particular thing I do a lot, that I need to quit. Hmmm, lets try not doing that for tonight and note what happens.I started crying and doing all my other ones. I don't understand why I am able to not do it for a few hours/all day if I'm out but when I'm alone I need it. The idea of giving it up is deeply upsetting, but I have to for a few reasons. I have not discovered anything as good as this. I feel very emotionally immature. Like a child. spoiler really sad now I feel like I'll never be as good as normal people because I have autism. Like I'm stunted. A child. :::
spoiler
There is extreme pressure to avoid this in public, I simply can't. And yea, parents made me stop a lot. I really wish my parents had taken me to a doctor and got a diagnosis.I knew I wouldn't be able to just be done with it forever, but I hoped to make it longer then like 10 minutes. I really just wanted to see where I was at with stimming. I don't need to give it up immediately or anything, but the item I usually do it with is kinda falling apart. Doing it with other things isn't as effective either.