Previous years:
TL;DR:
Population: 163
-Fortress is now a barony under Baroness Meng Lalturdeduk
-Baroness Meng Lalturdeduk demands stuff like an office and a dining room. So far her demands have been met with laughter.
-Child menace Zulban Mountaindances in a months-long depression after a half year of wanton murder.
-Military crumbling under the light pressure of occasional Forgotten Beast attacks from the caves
-Necessities still seem to be stable
-Read the year 4 post if you want to hear someone who knows how the fortress works talk about it. I barely found my way around lmao
Fluff:
To Queen Olin Estilaban
The dwarves of Roomtheaters have had a harrowing year. I arrived with a group of migrants in the spring, and found that the fortress had been taken over by a strange dwarf calling himself Emperor Edzul. When I arrived, he was overseeing an operation to locate gold in the depths of the earth. When gold was finally located, it was within a deep cave teeming with vicious monstrosities. The military was sent ill-equipped, and it is only thanks to the fragility of these flying cave pests that no one was seriously harmed.
The gold plundered from this dangerous cave was then promptly mixed with copper, and from the resulting alloy this so-called Emperor minted coins. He proclaimed these rose gold pieces to be the official currency of Roomtheaters. I later learned that he had upset an Elven caravan by offering them goods made from animal bones. Perhaps his obsession with currency stems from this?
Edzul (I will no longer be using his assumed title), now satisfied with our stockpile of rose gold coins, turned his attention to another unusual endeavor. It was on the 9th of Hematite that he began to erect a wooden building--like the ones humans live in!--on the northern hill in some misguided attempt to promote positive relationships with other peoples. Every day that eyesore grew taller, The Ochre Tower he called it, and now it teems with foreign visitors. Edzul (if that is his real name) claimed that its genius would be acknowledged by future generations and that the tower will only grow taller, that some day a dwarf shall stand atop it and see no higher point in any direction. I say any fool who tries that is going to start a useless war with elves after cutting down all the available trees.
On the 20th of Malachite, the true danger of the deep cave in which Edzul found his precious gold became apparent. A horrific beast called Geb Gemeshikthag, an evil creature made of snow, emerged from the depths of the caves. Though it was soon slain by a troglodyte, it was a sign of what was to come. Ever since that day, we have been plagued by regular incursions of evil primordial beasts. Our already minimal military has been steadily chipped away, and as I now write to you it is in a dire state.
On the 18th of Limestone, a Dwarven caravan arrived, and Edzul purchased everything they had with stacks of those coins. This was the caravan which accompanied your liaison, the one who offered to turn Roomtheaters into a proper barony. Edzul must have thought it was amusing to designate the nearest newly-arrived stoneworker as baroness. Nevertheless her fellow dwarves accepted her appointment, so you may be displeased to know that Edzul never ordered proper noble accommodations for her. She still eats and sleeps in the same conditions as the rest of us.
On the 20th of Limestone, another ongoing issue with this fortress became apparent. A child named Zulban Onolmatul, the ten year old daughter of the Captain of the Guard, went on a rampage. After toppling a workstation, she murdered a siege engineer in blind rage. On the 22nd of Sandstone, a brawl broke out in the crowded temples near the surface. Several people were killed, mostly dwarves. No one can give a straight answer regarding why the brawl began. I suspect the same child's wanton violence may have been the spark that set it off. On the 6th of Timber, the child's rampages were finally acknowledged and she was convicted of nineteen counts of disorderly conduct and one count of vandalism. And yet, still she roamed free, with no plan to prevent this from happening in the future. Of course it did, on the 22nd of Timber, when she beat the engraver Ineth Loloklid to death. I believe this event (and the truly grisly state of the corpse) may have finally affected the child, because ever since she has been in a deep depression. There have been no further outbursts. Maybe it's just the winter cooling her temper.
In the final days of winter, this Edzul announced his sudden departure. So I write to you in the hopes that you can send a better overseer by the time spring arrives. We need a strong administrator, who can revitalize our military. We need a skilled engineer and architect to design expansions to the fortress, including proper quarters for our baroness and defenses in the caves below. We need a dwarf who can keep our people safe from threats internal and external, who can resolve a child's murderous urges without allowing her simply to remain in a deep depression. I have no doubt that such a dwarf can be found, and where are they needed more than here?
—An anonymous letter from a concerned citizen of Roomtheaters
Other comments:
—The two southern guildhalls on elevation 40 are requesting upgrades to grand guildhall.
—If you're as silly as I am, you should add a few floors to The Ochre Tower on the hill to the north. It doesn't have to all be inn, go wild.
—Of course it is expected that the new standard Roomtheaters rose gold currency be respected.
—Seriously focus on the military things could get bad quick
Unaddressed comments from previous player:
—We are getting more artifacts, and I haven't done anything to secure them. A vault or something might be good, especially since we're letting all these visitors in more or less unimpeded.
—Bedrooms have been addressed, at least for now. I've not been putting cabinets in, hoping that that clears out old clothes rather than letting these guys hoard them in a very egoist way. Further expansion, or plans to do so, is probably warranted though.
—The entry footbridges have cage traps but need weapon traps to really do damage.
—We may want to tap the stream for a water reservoir we can contain in the fort.
—Choose a dwarf to nickname for yourself!
—Dig! What could possibly go wrong?
bnuuy 
It's like if Touhou had a baby with FF14 raid mechanics. Everything is adorable. It'll make you hate your friends for coming near you when they were supposed to stay away, and it'll make you hate them 5 seconds later for running away from you when they were supposed to stack. I highly recommend it. It might even be a fun game to try to get some people from here to play together, since it's pretty low time investment, intuitive, and doesn't necessarily require voice chat. (It's better with voice chat, funnier without it)
Hell yeah nobody I like is on here
Though I have enjoyed a couple SsethTzeentach videos on obscure games I like that only he would ever cover, wasn't aware he was a chud but it doesn't really surprise me from the general tone. Is there something specific he's done lol