BountifulEggnog

I can't tell you to do anything I wouldn't do

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Good job with the drinking stuff, buying hobby equipment instead would be very exciting!

I have avpd, if you ever want to talk about it you're always welcome to message me here or on matrix.

That's awesome, hybrid animals (the ones that don't have major issues) are really cool.

I think I already did some cubeposting a little bit ago so I'll try to not repeat myself. If I didn't or you missed it, I love solving the rubik's cube, lot of patterns, very step by step and methodical, feedback (both knowing how I can do better and the tactile feedback of the cube), stimming, yaknow all good things.

I'm trying to learn f2l. Right now I'm just solving with beginners method, very basic and boring. The basic idea is you solve the white edge pieces first, then insert the white corners where they belong, solving the first/white layer. To solve the second layer, which is just four edge pieces, you first position the edge piece on top, then move the corner it lines up with out and connect them, before inserting both pieces solved. After you do that for all the edges you've got the first two layers solved. This whole process is obviously slow, even having it down very well there's a lot of wasted moves and even worse, cube rotations.

f2l, short for first two layers, is solving the white corners and the second layer edges at the same time. I had put off learning it because there's a lot of unique cases. (where and in what orientation each piece is currently in, each case has its own algorithm to solve). There's a few ways to definite how many there exactly are, most cubers will say 41 f2l cases, but there are more, at least 36 others that can be good to know sometimes. Because I don't actually know f2l yet I can't give a great explanation of the cases, but I believe its something to do with how solved it is already. If all the other edges and corners are solved, there's less places you might need to yoink a piece from.

It looks like, watching this beginner/intuitive f2l video, that I won't be bruteforce learning the cases though, you start out with four insertion algorithms (I already know two of them), and there's a few steps to remember instead of learning every combination of cases. We'll give it a shot, obviously it is learnable I just need to try.

Another great dress and dresspost, I feel like I always appreciate dresses more.

Such pretty patterns on the dress, the lace shoulders are another favorite part of it for me.

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I've never smelled blood, I usually end up accidentally wiping it or something and realizing, oh shit I'm bleeding I should take care of that.

Oh I don't know what you can do about that.

I keep my fan a bit further back

This isn't a well structured post, more a loose collection of thoughts and memories. If anyone has thoughts or experiences I'd love to hear them.

religious trauma, shame around sex.

I have a huge amount of shame surrounding sex. I was raised evangelical christian (have since left religion). It was rarely discussed, and when it was only in the context of waiting until marriage or reminding us masturbating was sinful. I believed I would go to hell and be tormented forever, and deserve such punishment, for masturbating. Same with anyone living else in "unrepentant" sin. I still struggle with feeling I deserve to be punished for things I shouldn't.

This has all effected me very strongly. I have kinks, and have felt intense self hatred for them. For a long time, I wished I was ace. Sexuality felt like a curse, something awful that I hated about myself. You aren't "supposed" to feel that way, you have to bury those feelings and desires, you are a bad person for feeling them.

I still feel very uncomfortable with the topic. I'm not sure how to be "normal" about it. I don't know what is acceptable to say, or think, or feel. In safe spaces like this or out in the wild. Autism probably doesn't help me here either. I think processing and accepting that I struggle with shame around it is helping me though.

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Thank you. A lot of it probably is my depression. Some of it is my other mental health stuff though. I remember you do

spoiler bad thoughts and self harm I'm actually not really thinking of "going" right now (although it does do that), it "just" thinks I should stop talking/posting and self harm instead. fwiw I won't sh tonight. Reminding myself I'm not a burden and shouldn't do that is hard sometimes, thank you again. :::

Oh I loved painting my nails the first time! Hope you do put something together, that sounds very cute.

Also you really should I have eaten like that, not good.

off topic and a little sad

I really hate this vague feeling of being a burden. This has always been something I've struggled with. There really doesn't have to be a reason I feel that way, I just do.