AshenWolf

joined 1 week ago
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[–] AshenWolf@hexbear.net 6 points 6 days ago* (last edited 6 days ago)

HRT ramblings, theories, and blood test results (Live Reaction)So I stopped spiro for real this time. Last time I tried I felt noticeably worse within a few days, so I went back on it, figuring my T levels had gotten higher on the lower E dose and I needed the spiro. However, I went to try stopping it again with a significant amount of time before my blood test. After all, I knew it worked, so I wanted to see what the results would look like without it. Here's the thing: things have been improving since I decreased my spiro dose (from 50mg to 25mg) and then stopped it entirely. I had felt like my face was beginning to look more masculine, but some time (I think a single week) has it looking really soft, softer than it ever has. If it wasn't for my facial hair, I would probably look really androgynous, to be honest (lets-fucking-go). That takes me to my next point. My facial hair growth is slowing down, significantly, within a week of stopping the spiro. While on spiro, my facial hair would grow in what felt like normally, and I had gotten into a pattern. Shave Monday morning before work, and shave on Friday, also before work. By Wednesday, the hair had usually grown in to a point where I wanted it off, but my face is very sensitive, and it's bad enough shaving twice a week. HOWEVER: I shaved Sunday Morning. It was a bit later, not quite as early, but the hair on my face looks like I've only left it for a day. Huh? How did that happen?

Here's my thought that may have just gotten confirmed by the blood test I received: Spiro, along with E, blocks T production. However, I've also heard that when suppressed by E, the body can convert some T to E. So, having just gotten my results, my E tanked. How this happened with such a small dose decrease, I have no idea. Is the spiro really to blame for this? Probably not. My body works in very confusing ways though, and this test proves it. Last time, my E was at 498 pg/mL. Too high, even for mono-therapy, but they started me off at a pretty low dose (5mg EV injection), so it's weird. I think maybe I tested a bit early last time, and I tried doing it at the end of the week this time to get a better reading, and would you look at that, on the lower dose (4mg EV injection) my E is at 161 pg/mL, which is now too low.

This has transformed from Spiro rants into a full-on confusion crisis about my HRT. Should I have done it in the middle of the week again? Was I wrong to do the test on the day of my injection, before I did the injection? If it has been lower, what does that mean about my experience? How does that affect development, both physically and mentally? There's many more I could probably write and ask myself, but seeing the results, and going through the thought process, I asked myself if I was really trans? I am of course, I literally wrote before that I felt like I was looking more masculine, but my mind is still doing great, other than the excessive strain of a large workload I'm on a roll. I don't have my T levels yet, but maybe HRT was less of a factor in my feelings than I thought it was. I had always given it more attribution for how I was feeling mentally, when maybe I should have given myself more credit.

Either way, I'm scared to see my T results now. Then again, I feel a bit better knowing that the feeling of things slowing down has kind of been validated. That better feeling is then replaced with more anxiety because how did this happen, and how will this impact development further down the line?

EDIT: Doc says this is totally fine catgirl-huh. I'm going to have to wait for my T results, but idk if I trust that.

[–] AshenWolf@hexbear.net 4 points 6 days ago (2 children)

Can I be added to this list?

[–] AshenWolf@hexbear.net 10 points 1 week ago

Facts. Used to play a lot of a game called Fantasy Life. I have no idea how many hours I put into that game, but it was a significant part of my childhood.

[–] AshenWolf@hexbear.net 8 points 1 week ago (3 children)

spoilerThere shouldn't be any issues at that point then! Hopefully mono-therapy works for you.

[–] AshenWolf@hexbear.net 9 points 1 week ago (5 children)

some sex stuff

I'm less attracted to the physicality of sex all together, and I'm feeling more explicitly demisexual

Slightly off-topic, but I relate to this experience a lot. Before transition, I had always thought I was demisexual, but I did not feel like it at all. It made me feel a little miserable, like my mind wanted one thing and my body another. Now, I would definitely say I'm demisexual, and potentially asexual as well, and it feels more like mind and body are in sync. Speaking of which...

This actually reminded me of something. HRT could impact libido, especially if you were to take a T blocker like Spiro or CPA (Bica circumvents the libido issue). I would say more than that, but any other thoughts I have are just semi-theoretical personal experiences. I'm sure there are other people here who would have more to say on this topic, and are more knowledgeable than I.

[–] AshenWolf@hexbear.net 8 points 1 week ago (7 children)

spoilerI don't think it will actually shift anything. It's more like it highlights things that people may not have realized were there before. For me, I've always known that I've wanted a feminine presence in a relationship. This naturally meant I was straight, and I assumed I would exclusively be a lesbian after transition. However, I've realized that I could play the role of the feminine presence, that is now me, so while I would say that I like masculinity now as well, that doesn't mean my love for femininity and androgyny have gone away. Being able to change what role I play in a relationship has changed how I see relationships, and even then, this is all theory. I have no praxis to speak of, I don't know how well ANY of these claims would hold up in a real relationship, because honestly I could be ace (more likely) or aroace (less likely) and just want some close friends (which I've never really had), I have literally no clue, and I haven't gotten to put my thoughts into praxis yet.

If you are attracted to your wife, you will still be attracted to your wife, especially if you are satisfied with the relationship. If you realize you might like other people as well, that may have already been there, but I don't think it would change how you see your wife. Don't let this stop you from trying E, and if it was doing things you didn't like, you could always just stop it. Also, I don't know if it was the E that necessarily did it, but me beginning to realize dynamics between the masculinity of others and the femininity of myself. Just adding that in there, because I feel like what happened with me would have happened with or without HRT.

[–] AshenWolf@hexbear.net 7 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Hold on, checking again...

It's not ready yet (it's a lab) ralsei-splat

[–] AshenWolf@hexbear.net 14 points 1 week ago

Hey this feminist ethical theorist is taking a pretty marxist view on feminism, I wonder what the rest of the class is going to say about the issues that still face us today!

up-arrow clueless

[–] AshenWolf@hexbear.net 7 points 1 week ago

On the HRTersary, congrats!

On everything else, waow-based

[–] AshenWolf@hexbear.net 8 points 1 week ago

OOH, as of right now, my week covers His birthday catgirl-smug

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