this post was submitted on 18 Mar 2024
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Funny: Home of the Haha

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[–] sangriaferret@sh.itjust.works 106 points 8 months ago (15 children)

Get a bidet attachment for your toilet. It will change your life.

[–] DragonTypeWyvern@literature.cafe 32 points 8 months ago (3 children)

Lemmy has a serious fiber deficiency. Y'all keep relating to bowel trouble, at first I'd make jokes about it but the actual shitposting keeps coming, now I'm just concerned.

[–] sangriaferret@sh.itjust.works 19 points 8 months ago (1 children)

It all goes back to that guy that didn't poop for three days. Lemmy took it as a challenge.

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[–] GBU_28@lemm.ee 17 points 8 months ago (1 children)

The chronically online do not traffic the vegetable section apparently

[–] Kolli@sopuli.xyz 7 points 8 months ago

That's really funny :D

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[–] Duranie@literature.cafe 30 points 8 months ago (3 children)

Also when poop knocks at the door, ANSWER! Don't keep putting it off if at all humanly possible. The longer poop sits in your colon, the drier it gets and the harder it will be to move later.

And the bidet? With the right pressure it can help knock loose those last little nuggies that you weren't able to get enough oomph behind to dislodge.

[–] GBU_28@lemm.ee 27 points 8 months ago

Y'all built different

[–] ResoluteCatnap@lemmy.ml 5 points 8 months ago

Playing asteroids! Pew pew!

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[–] fsxylo@sh.itjust.works 23 points 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago) (3 children)

I used a bidet in Thailand and water blew up my ass so hard that it brushed my teeth.

Absolutely never again.

[–] Wes_Dev@lemmy.ml 7 points 8 months ago

That's called that flossing, duh. What did you think water picks were?

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[–] Ephera@lemmy.ml 6 points 8 months ago (5 children)

And if people can't or don't want to immediately install such an attachment, because they have no way of trying out a bidet, you can also buy a travel bidet online, which basically looks like a bottle, and they're representative of the real thing, albeit not as comfortable, of course.

Took me a few days to figure out how to best sploosh myself with that bottle, but I've preferred it since then, even though I still don't have an attachment.

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[–] DavidGA@lemmy.world 60 points 8 months ago (5 children)

Eat more fiber, do more cardio, and buy a bidet.

[–] forgueam@lemmy.world 11 points 8 months ago (1 children)

Started taking fiber supplements (psyllium husk from Costco). The change was revelatory. Went from trying to clean peanut butter out of carpet to perfectly clean single wipes, every time. REVELATORY.

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[–] BackOnMyBS@lemmy.world 50 points 8 months ago (3 children)

whats troubling is that this is POV

[–] Ilfrin@sh.itjust.works 9 points 8 months ago

I think my cat would have the same face if he was watching me wipe for half an hour straight without giving him attention. But yeah, not a POV.

[–] yetAnotherUser@feddit.de 9 points 8 months ago (1 children)

The cat knows what will be used once the toilet paper roll is empty.

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[–] Sylver@lemmy.world 5 points 8 months ago

Their significant other has broke into the bathroom teary-eyed wondering how much longer they have to sit waiting with the movie paused

[–] can@sh.itjust.works 37 points 8 months ago (3 children)
[–] gregorum@lemm.ee 8 points 8 months ago

Fat Pratt was best Pratt.

[–] Pulptastic@midwest.social 7 points 8 months ago

It's like I'm wiping a marker

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[–] Gigan@lemmy.world 30 points 8 months ago (1 children)

You're supposed to finish pooping before you wipe.

[–] Wogi@lemmy.world 19 points 8 months ago (1 children)
[–] Pistcow@lemm.ee 6 points 8 months ago
[–] solomon42069@lemmy.world 28 points 8 months ago (2 children)

Since switching to bidet, I can eat spicy food again without fear of rectalbution.

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[–] PP_BOY_@lemmy.world 26 points 8 months ago (1 children)
[–] Muscar@discuss.online 18 points 8 months ago (7 children)

It's infuriating that it's both people being so dumb they can't understand basic grammar and people doing it because it gets more comments. Both of those things are just so shitty and disappointing.

[–] bleistift2@feddit.de 11 points 8 months ago (1 children)

I’ve seen it being used wrong so many times now my brain just picks the correct interpretation most of the time.

I predict the “you’re”/“your” distinction will be gone in 100 years. Maybe it’s all “you” in another 100.

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[–] MilitantVegan@lemmy.world 23 points 8 months ago

There is life before the bidet, and then life after the bidet.

[–] JoMomma@lemm.ee 22 points 8 months ago (5 children)

You all need to eat more fiber

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[–] effrythinginmoderation@lemmynsfw.com 21 points 8 months ago (1 children)
[–] Sterile_Technique@lemmy.world 6 points 8 months ago (1 children)

Pruritus ani, aka "polished anus syndrome".

There's a lot that can cause it, but sanding the skin off with toilet paper is definitely on the list.

[–] nxdefiant@startrek.website 15 points 8 months ago (1 children)
[–] Sterile_Technique@lemmy.world 7 points 8 months ago

I legit think those exact words all the time, lol. Everything in medicine is latin...

I actually laughed out loud during an Anatomy & Physiology test because I saw the words "Corpus Cavernosum" and got the mental image of Harry pointing his wand at Draco, shouting those words, and Draco falling over, grabbing his crotch, and screaming. xD

[–] neidu2@feddit.nl 11 points 8 months ago (1 children)
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[–] summerof69@lemm.ee 11 points 8 months ago

My what is on the 368th wipe?

[–] Sunforged@lemmy.ml 10 points 8 months ago

Eat more vegetables ffs

[–] Macaroni_ninja@lemmy.world 9 points 8 months ago (1 children)

Try switching to white toilet paper

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[–] mrcleanup@lemmy.world 8 points 8 months ago

2 capsules of psyllium fiber with every meal will change this cat's life.

[–] FartsWithAnAccent@fedia.io 5 points 8 months ago

I think this means you're not done pooping.

[–] xia@lemmy.sdf.org 5 points 8 months ago

Time for a shower.

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