Ask Lemmy

Anything where you’re meeting the same people on repeat occasions. It’s pretty rare to form a friendship after only meeting people one or a couple of times. Friendships are often formed gradually. It’s easier growing up because it’s structured into so many things. You see the same people in classes, sports, clubs, etc. Friendships will form naturally in those settings. Try to find something to replicate that. It could be volunteer work, a workshop to learn something new, joining a community that shares a hobby. The key is bumping into the same people over and over

You mentioned trying board games, any interest in TTRPGs like Dungeons and Dragons and the like? The game is basically designed to forge friendships. If you or your partner is willing to learn to be the Dungeon Master, you'll have no trouble finding players, in fact you may have so many interested individuals you have to do brief interviews lol.

joina cult

We've had great luck with Bumble BFF. Moved to a new city and was surprised all of our friends fit in our house on my birthday 6 months after moving

You have to go to things where you regularly see the same people every week or month. This is the only way.

Outside of work, my partner and I made most of our friends through music events. Going to the same kind of events a few times a month and spending time with the same people. We aren't having kids so it's been nice to meet other people in their 30s who also don't have/want kids.

I'm a socialphobe. My therapist told me to attend gyms, basketball and taikwondu classes with people of my age around

I'd guess hobbies are another decent jumping off point. Unless you don't have time for anything outside of work, eat, sleep, repeat. Then you're SoL.

We used to go to a bar to play darts on Tuesday nights and started seeing the same people there each week. Same with trivia nights. I'm in Texas and there are some groups here called 'sports and social clubs". They do bowling leagues, kick ball games, beer pong tournaments, etc.

You could always try volunteering for an organization you both like together. I've met several friends by doing this, plus it's fun.

Rekindle old friendships. Every time you do something together, plant a seed for the next thing you're going to do. Meet new people through them. If you like the people, don't say no to anything you're invited to. Rinse, repeat.

Focus on your individual hobbies that have the possibility of being social. Eventually one of you will meet a friend and decide to hang out outside of the hobby.

In Canada we have something called the Kinsmen Society that is a non-profit, secular service organization. It's just there for volunteering to help around the community, and there's events for couples to socialize as part of the planning and volunteer activities. It's pretty popular in the rural communities. Maybe you're in Canada, or there's something similiar for a volunteer program in your area.

It's kinda age stratified, where at 40 you are more a part of an older cadre of volunteers and advisors, as a younger couple you'd do more of the event organization and service, and the people in that group would be similiar aged.

This might seem crazy, but climbing/bouldering. I started a few months ago and I can't stop meeting new people at 34. If you're even peripherally social you're bound to make friends.

Local team sports are really good ways to meet new people, and since it's all about teamwork, bonds form pretty naturally. Plus it's good to exercise!

I always met people on parties, but you need a initial friend to invite you to some.

Maybe someone at work?

An old friend (30) recently moved to my area with their fiancé and they used bumble friends to find new friends. Dunno if it would work in a smaller place but maybe if you’re near the city

Sporting clubs and club style gyms. I used to powerlift at a club and met lots of people.

so... i second TTRPG events. or similar. Also, group dancing classes at a studio. usually it's not horribly old people (kinda hard to dance with a walker...sorry.) but there might be a broad spectrum of ages, so definitely ask before you just buy a session.

Jodel App

All our friends are from kink communities lol.

Take up salsa or any other style of dancing classes. You end up meeting new people, start planning going out to dancing clubs to practice, hang out, etc.

Find some team sports, like volleyball.

Not seen anyone say this yet, but last year my partner and I were in a similar boat. Bumble (the dating app) has a "BFF" mode for making friends. It's worked out amazingly for us and we now have a great group.

It can take a bit of persistence, and like dating, some won't work out. But it's a great way to meet potential friends, and even in relatively small cities you'll find some people on there.

Places I have made friends as an adult:

• men’s group
• sports league
• work

Do you have dogs, plants. If not, adopt one (with good preparation). You'll meet dog people, plants people and they're usually chill ;).

Maybe try attending a volunteer or town social event. A library might have info or postings for things going on. See if there are ways to help set up and/or get involved.

There are 5 problems with this question:

Dating and marriage requires a "double coincidence of wants" where both you and your wife want to commit. (This is the whole reason that we stopped bartering because barting requires this for every transaction, and it sucks)

Your problem has a requirement of a quadruple councidence of wants: you, your wife, your friend, and your friend's partner need to commit. That is 4 problems.

Additionally you are over age 30. Once you pass that age, people are generally of the attitude of "relationship maintenance". So new friends are considered costly investments that have ongoing costs. (New Friends are neighbors or friends of your children/hobbies)

Here is a joke: why did Julius Caesar get stabbed? Because he thought he could have a friend after age 30.

Here is another joke:what miracle did Jesus perform that cannot be replicated? He made 12 sincere lifelong friends after the age of 30.

Loneliness is a contributor to early death and there are tonnes of products that want you to buy to alieve. Good luck!