this post was submitted on 07 Feb 2025
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Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

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[–] LuckyPierre@lemm.ee 43 points 17 hours ago (1 children)

Aww, that's sweet. A real modern day love story.

[–] Agent641@lemmy.world 20 points 12 hours ago (1 children)
[–] JayDee@lemmy.sdf.org 9 points 12 hours ago
[–] intensely_human@lemm.ee 46 points 19 hours ago (3 children)

enterprise resource planning??

[–] ThePyroPython@lemmy.world 15 points 14 hours ago (1 children)

Now you know how machinists feel about CNC.

[–] Warl0k3@lemmy.world 3 points 5 hours ago

Or psych students feel about CBT...

[–] Chekhovs_Gun@lemmy.world 8 points 18 hours ago

Lmao that's exactly what I said and how I said it

[–] Mr_Canard@jlai.lu 5 points 18 hours ago (2 children)
[–] a_postmodern_hat@lemmy.world 13 points 17 hours ago (1 children)

Ah, enterprise role playing

[–] BigDanishGuy@sh.itjust.works 12 points 17 hours ago

Ah, enterprise role playing

Also known as "a job"

[–] GiveOver 7 points 16 hours ago
[–] WorldsDumbestMan@lemmy.today 38 points 19 hours ago (2 children)

It's actually easy to get laid, turns out you just have to not be afraid of people (which I am)

[–] captainlezbian@lemmy.world 1 points 6 hours ago

Odds are with some level of effort someone is willing to fuck you unless you throw off huge danger flags. Working on your personality, appearance, and social skills just make it so your odds go from largely the sort of people who'd fuck anyone to the sort of people who are more selective

[–] Gullible@sh.itjust.works 27 points 18 hours ago (1 children)

Anon, you gotta lock that up. Get him preganat immediately

[–] Agent641@lemmy.world 13 points 12 hours ago

That might be difficult. But keep trying anyway.

[–] stebo02@lemmy.dbzer0.com 44 points 1 day ago (2 children)

20 years of virginity are rookie numbers, I'm getting those wizard powers at 30

[–] WorldsDumbestMan@lemmy.today 6 points 18 hours ago

Same soon. It's just fate. I was AeroAce until recently to add to the funny, and panicked because I will cross a threshold, then changed my mind lol!

[–] Wizard_Pope@lemmy.world 16 points 1 day ago (4 children)

Be careful to keept it then. My people are watching. If you lose your Virginity there go the powers.

[–] Default_Defect@midwest.social 6 points 18 hours ago (1 children)

I was 24 when a harlot stole my precious seed and robbed me of the promise of the mystic arts.

[–] Wizard_Pope@lemmy.world 2 points 11 hours ago

There are other ways of aquiring mystic arts and powers. The aforementioned is just the kost straightforward.

[–] TheGreenWizard@lemmy.zip 6 points 19 hours ago

The council watches with great interest.

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[–] ShinkanTrain@lemmy.ml 77 points 1 day ago (7 children)

Fake: Anyone you meet on Discord is either a murderer or a fed.

Gay: Self-evident.

[–] prime_number_314159@lemmy.world 19 points 23 hours ago (3 children)

I mean... Nothing in this story implies femboy isn't a fed, and just really committed to the bit.

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[–] qyron@sopuli.xyz 118 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (7 children)

be 20 y/o permavirgin

I was 22 when I had my first time. Never considered myself a permavirgin.

Happy the poster found happiness for the following reasons:

a) he got laid

b) he's no longer a virgin

c) he found happiness

d) he found someone to love and that loves him back

e) there are two more people happy in the world

but, holy turtle on a skateboard, am I really happy for having one less doofus complaining of being alone.

Bring on the hate! I love you all!

[–] lurch@sh.itjust.works 2 points 11 hours ago* (last edited 11 hours ago) (1 children)

I was way younger and it was super cringe. It was also fun and hot, but looking back I shouldn't have tried to get laid so early and desperately. We were so stupid back then.

For example, one girl actually persuaded me into having unprotected sex, which I didn't want, but I wanted to get laid so desperatly that I agreed. She was using a calendar to track her period and fertile days and that was risky AF and didn't account for STDs as well. This is something you can maybe do as a long time couple, but not with a person you just met three days ago.

[–] qyron@sopuli.xyz 4 points 11 hours ago

Definetely not.

I was a blood doner when I met my partner. I was constantly asked/reminded that having casual sex partners would ban me for six months from donating; I have a fairly uncommon blood type for my country, so I was very keen on not being put on "quarantine".

When we said it was the right moment for us to be together, I went to make a donation before and warned I would not be donating for the nexy six months for obvious reasons.

I was thanked for the warning and about two weeks later received a full bloodwork panel, including STDs, attesting I was clean and as safe as possible.

When I did return for my next donation, when asked if had been with new sex partners for the last six months, when I replied I was still doing the same, since my last visit, everyone laughed.

Never pressure anyone into unprotected sex. Ever.

[–] uniquethrowagay@feddit.org 13 points 23 hours ago (4 children)

I was 29 years old when I met my first girlfriend and had my first sex and I regret nothing. I didn't really realize it at the time, but I wasn't at all ready at 20 years old.

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[–] mindbleach@sh.itjust.works 8 points 20 hours ago (1 children)

Aggravated I can't find that feminization pipeline image that's like 'gay, super gay, mega gay, ultra gay... straight.'

[–] Sivecano@lemmy.dbzer0.com 13 points 12 hours ago (1 children)
[–] AI_toothbrush@lemmy.zip 88 points 1 day ago (2 children)

Thank god they censored apeshit

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[–] peregrin5@lemm.ee 99 points 1 day ago

The solution to incels was femboy waifus all along.

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