this post was submitted on 06 Jan 2025
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traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns

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Welcome to /c/traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns, an anti-capitalist meme community for transgender and gender diverse people.

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Children of Time is a 2015 science fiction novel by Adrian Tchaikovsky.

In the distant future, humanity seeks to create new habitats for itself on distant planets, terraforming them and seeding them with life. Dr. Avrana Kern is heading one such project, orbiting the tentatively named "Kern's World", where the plan is to release monkeys le-monke infected with a nanovirus that will accelerate their evolution. Through an act of sabotage from an anti-technology group that has also destroyed much of Earth, the monkeys are never released, and the virus instead infects a species of spider, Portia labiata. The book follows the evolution of the spiders and their eventual civilisation, as well as a remnant of humanity that fled to Kern's World hoping to find paradise.


also children of ruin and children of memory, the sequels, are really good


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[โ€“] LocalOaf@hexbear.net 16 points 1 week ago (2 children)

alcoholFucked up rn but felt kinda weird about "ze/hir" lately despite them being rad asf pronouns imho

Think I'm still mostly a "they/them" but being a "she/her" trans femme on occasion mite b cool

You know, just to cement the "lol definitely not a guy" feeling home

Or fuck, could I possibly be a binary trans woman instead of a weird enby that I've been living as for like a decade now???

Fuck idk

catgirl-flop

Idk maybe refer to me with she/her for awhile and I'm seeing if that's actually right or not, sorry

Like I came out gender wise as a trans woman initially a long time ago, then felt more comfortable being nonbinary, and I guess now I've kinda done full circle?

I dunno

I'm queer

spoiler . and my junk is small

:::

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[โ€“] Wendy_Pleakley@hexbear.net 16 points 1 week ago

alone with my thoughts for the first time since November because all my podcasts took the week off

[โ€“] MoonElf@hexbear.net 16 points 1 week ago

I love you all so much. Thank you for helping me be my best self and finding true happiness ๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ’•

[โ€“] RION@hexbear.net 16 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Finally have my fertility preservation consult later today. I hope the process is quick from this point on because putting HRT on hold for a month for this was not very cash money. Just let me in the hospital goon closet a couple times so I don't have to worry about this anymore

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[โ€“] anonochronomus@hexbear.net 16 points 1 week ago

Happy jan 6 everybody! I'm gonna be smoking weed and practicing martial arts on the porch to celebrate.

[โ€“] RION@hexbear.net 16 points 1 week ago (5 children)

listen well this tale of dysphoric(?) woe

Giggling with my friend at work as some of the gals we're friendly with have some incredibly candid sex discussions in the next cubicle over since the office is basically empty

She goes over to tell them that we can definitely hear everything they're saying

I think I can hear one of them poke fun at the fact that I (boymoding, only out to my friend) can hear

Suddenly reminded of the distance that exists between me and them because of how they perceive me

Feel very far away, almost "shell-shocked" for the remaining half hour of the work day

According to my friend they were actually cool with me hearing and that I was explicitly invited to join in when the next such Empty Office Sex Salon occurs. But I still can't shake the feeling that I'm different, that me being there just pollutes everything and they'll always view me with some unshakable suspicion and wariness, like a wild animal that could snap and start mauling people.

I honestly don't get too much dysphoria, to the point that I don't even know if this counts?? but this is the feeling that gets me. Can't we just pretend I'm part of the group? I'm not that much different from you on the inside, I promise.

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[โ€“] hexbee@hexbear.net 16 points 1 week ago (2 children)
[โ€“] Eco@hexbear.net 15 points 1 week ago (1 children)
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[โ€“] Wmill@hexbear.net 16 points 1 week ago (20 children)

All this time putting nail polish on you'd think I be good at it, nah just slather on a base coat the polish the top. The polish on my skins falls off day after and it looks like I know what I'm doing phoenix-smug

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[โ€“] Eco@hexbear.net 16 points 1 week ago (5 children)

my new adult romantic fantasy, noun of noun and noun, comes out today

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[โ€“] LocalOaf@hexbear.net 16 points 1 week ago

silly but positive, kinda gender euphoria

I still only play games on my old 360 lol but I updated my avatar awhile ago and it's stupid but it really made me happy

The old one was my awkward teenage egg self

Now I have tits and a MJOLNIR helmet that matches my Reach Spartan and it's sick imho

[โ€“] QueerCommie@hexbear.net 16 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Muddled philosophy brain go brrr.

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[โ€“] buh@hexbear.net 16 points 1 week ago (1 children)

one of the nice things about working at a small company is sometimes your boss and half the team will just randomly leave 5 minutes before a meeting, and then you don't have to do the meeting

[โ€“] buh@hexbear.net 15 points 1 week ago

and I have no idea where they went, based on the timing I would assume lunch, but based on the people who went it could be a midday hike

[โ€“] BountifulEggnog@hexbear.net 15 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (10 children)

depression/dysphoria/doomingI've been crying all day. It hurts so much. I could barely talk earlier. So dysphoric about my voice. Just in general too.

I keep doing worse and worse. I've been "trying" (half assed and lazily) to get my shit together for years. Haven't been able to. I'm doing worse now. So how am I going to be able to now when I couldn't then.

I can't start hrt because I can't get better. I can't get better because I'm trapped in a disgusting man body with a disgusting man voice. There's nothing to do. I can't force myself to get better. To work on myself, to voice train, none of it. I can't. I never really could. Not quitting if I never tried.

I have failed life. So many things I will never get to see or experience. Because I'm a failure. All evidence points to me just being born wrong. Defective. Whatever ig. What makes a person turn out like this. I can't blame my parents. They tried. I wish I tried harder. Whatever. Hurts too much. What a shame. Not good enough to even try. I am such a disgusting waste of life. I wish I could give this to someone else.

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[โ€“] Tommasi@hexbear.net 15 points 1 week ago (2 children)

I tried playing marvel rivals with some friends and its kinda fun, but also reminded me why I stopped playing those types of games: so many people who can't take a loss without getting insanely mad doggirl-sweat The absurdity of it is kinda funny when it happens, but it creates such a negative environment where i don't want to spend that much time tbh

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[โ€“] bolshevikLovelace@hexbear.net 15 points 1 week ago (3 children)

i hate microsoft if you didn't know cw: dysphoriame: searching Microsoft Teams for a message.
Teams: includes "[deadname] (You) - message" in the results, despite my name being changed in the system and legally for 3 months.

yes, thank you microsoft for giving us pronoun flairs, that only me and like one enby in the company even use lol, but could you not deadname me? you are valued at 3.16 trillion USD and you can't amend (or can't be fucked amending) my name within a system you have almost complete control of. sometimes i see my deadname email flicker before being replaced with my new one and i can understand why they might have my old email but why are you storing my deadname???? is my legal name just a display name?? lea-dysphoric

i'm soooo fucking glad microsoft successfully abused their market power to eradicate slack and make us use this steaming pile of bland corpo dogshit. i throw up a little everytime i hear that fucking teams ping, i reaaaally want to quit just because of our dependence on this repugnant company

i know this comes off a bit trivial, i'm privileged to have an office job. but it gives off the same vibe as my birth certificate having "previously known as [deadname]", both constant reminders that i'll never be just me but me who used to be someone else and that shit sucks

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[โ€“] Tomboymoder@hexbear.net 15 points 1 week ago

I am Godโ€™s eepiest uppy doggirl-sleep

[โ€“] Eco@hexbear.net 15 points 1 week ago (3 children)

does anyone have tips for a gnome infestation. i tried publicly crucifying one to send a message but they seem to have founded a religion instead

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[โ€“] yewler@hexbear.net 15 points 1 week ago (3 children)

I'm so glad I started growing my hair out when I did

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[โ€“] Yukiko@hexbear.net 15 points 1 week ago

CW: Depression, dysphoriaI have been so godsdamned depressed the last few days that is stemming from some extreme dysphoria that I've been feeling with. And yes, regardless of after having had top and bottom surgery, I am capable of becoming dysphoric. I don't feel genuine. I feel fake. Without having had those experiences I missed on growing up, I feel that I will always be on the outside looking in regardless of what I do. I always see these ciswomen whose experiences I could never emulate and it just kills me on the inside. Yay. I have a vagina, I have breasts, but I'll never have those experiences. It depresses the hell out of me and it is draining the will to live out of me. I hate it so much. Couple that with feeling of not being capable of fitting in with any trans communities for a multitude of reasons. Further couple that with the crushing depression that's on and off since my divorce and I just fucking hate life right now. yay

[โ€“] ashinadash@hexbear.net 15 points 1 week ago (2 children)

Posting late on a sunday night in an old mega as a bit

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[โ€“] starlight32@hexbear.net 15 points 1 week ago (1 children)
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[โ€“] TerminalEncounter@hexbear.net 15 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

My mom and I are watching the second squid game season, the trans character is cute and very relatable which I wasn't expecting (apparently the actor is a cis guy). Kinda weird how much of the trans experience is apparently universal.

We're watching it dubbed and I really appreciate that they cast a voice actress that didn't have the perfect femme voice training or cast a cis girl to voice her. She sounds more or less like I do on a "bad" voice day lol

[โ€“] Eco@hexbear.net 15 points 1 week ago

sorry boss i can't come in to work today. my wife is holding my arm hostage while she sleeps. yeah idk i'll be in next week maybe. i expect full pay for this

[โ€“] EstraDoll@hexbear.net 15 points 1 week ago (2 children)

secretly kind of hoping that Donald Trump will be too busy thining about invading Greenland and/or Canada that he'll be too busy to do anything terrible for trans people

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[โ€“] LocalOaf@hexbear.net 15 points 1 week ago (2 children)

lewd, junkรพussy (thussy, they/them b/pussy)

that is all shy

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[โ€“] RION@hexbear.net 15 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Does it make sense that I'm kind of hoping I've actually been infertile all along? Then I wouldn't have to be responsible about fertility preservation. It would just be a fact of life and nothing anyone can blame me for

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[โ€“] LocalOaf@hexbear.net 15 points 1 week ago

sad, misgendering, deadnaming, family shit

call one relative I'm out to on the phone to catch up and vent because she was concerned and knows I've been struggling lately

deadnamed and misgendered like 6 times and talked over repeatedly

I don't know why I bothered tbh

She's "the good one" and the rest of the family would probably be worse if I ever bother to come out to them

I think the best idea is to just work on myself and my transition and maybe someday show up to something like nothing happened and act like they're weird for not recognizing me and then act really confused when they try calling me my deadname

At least I have cats

[โ€“] Wendy_Pleakley@hexbear.net 15 points 1 week ago (1 children)

called the college LGBTQ center

left a voicemail

if this truly is a solo journey then i have to accept that i have nobody. it's just me. it might always be just me.

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i have the irresistible urge to be gay AND to do crime... i wonder what that's about

spoilergayroller-2000

[โ€“] LocalOaf@hexbear.net 14 points 1 week ago (1 children)

mental health, social isolation sad shit, avpd probablyI really gotta get my shit together mentally and get over my "what if it doesn't go well" woe is me bullshit and reach out to my old best friend who might be the (platonic?) love of my life or soulmate or something

I miss this person so fucking much and have for years now and at some point when shit got really bad for me when covid got serious here, I just completely shut down and isolated and retreated inward mentally and have just started tiptoeing back to being "myself" but I've thought of this friend pretty much constantly since then and I know reconnecting with them would be like, the single best thing I could do for myself but it's still so scary and daunting after all this time

I thought by now I'd finally be, like, me, fully, and could reconnect as a better version of the person they loved, but I feel more weird and fucked up and unhappy with myself now than I did when we were super close irl and part of what's been preventing me from reaching back out is that feeling of shame

I wish I could be better at the very least so they could feel better about me instead of being concerned or upset at what a mess I am

Idk sorry I'm really emotional tonight

catgirl-cry catgirl-flop

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[โ€“] yewler@hexbear.net 14 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Well my winter break is coming to an end and I must say I did not miss having to deal with Microsoft teams

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