Ask Lemmy

This is one of many problems with “ACAB” because not every cop is one way or the other.

Reality is that a functioning society needs police officers. It sounds like you hit it off with this person and they have some good qualities that you like.

How do you expect the police to change if we don’t get involved? Getting rid of the police entirely is not a solution. But getting in and making changes from the inside is a valid way to make things better.

Why are you wanting to create an echo chamber for yourself? Why don’t you expose yourself to others and other ideas that are different than yours? What’s the harm there? Are you scared you won’t be able to change his mind or that his ideas might make some sense to you?

A longtime friend became a cop around 2018. I told him I believed he would be a fair officer and that if more cops were like him, I wouldn’t dislike cops. But after their behavior in 2020 all throughout the UsA, I consider being a cop to be immoral. We’re not friends anymore because I think any cop with a shred of decency should have resigned after seeing their colleagues nationwide abuse people.

I’d let the friendship go, but that’s just me.

With things like cops, you have to remember that if no one with morals goes into it, it'll keep getting worse.

I have a lot of family that are in some kind of law enforcement, and a couple friends from college that went into it as well.

If you cut them off because they're cops, then the only people who associate with them are assholes and it concentrates.

Just be upfront about it.

Couple months ago I ran into a friend of a friend from college who's a cop. The first and last things I said to him was dont be a fucking asshole. Other than that I treated him the same as if he wasn't a cop.

If we cut that dude out of our lives, the only people he'd talk to would tell him to be more of an asshole.

Like, obviously if he's doing shady shit, then fuck him.

Somebody just learned the dangers of broad generalizations

ACAB but some individuals can be cool enough. Just know they could turn on you easier than others.

My landlord is a cop, but he’s also a decent guy. To me. I try to bring up liberal talking points on the sly to at least expose him to alternate opinions. He’s not against them, so that’s good.

It’s hard. I kinda have to have a mental block up against the individual’s career choice, because he’s not one of the 100% asshole / racist / fully bastard cops. I know / knew some of them too, and I won’t give them the time of day once the convo showed their true colors (which, happens within an hour or less usually).

I guess they’re comfortable showing their true colors to me over a beer because we …look the same. Gross.

But, know that if it hasn’t already happened, there’s probably some humanity left in them.

I used to be besties with a cop. He was a good guy for a while, but then he had a hernia and got prescribed pain meds. And then he started getting invited to cop parties where they all swapped pills, and he got addicted to hard things. It changed him entirely - he became aggressive and scary to be around, so I told him my thoughts and told him that I didn't want to be around him. He didn't take it well, and I felt scared.

Be careful. Imagine how bad things could be if he decided he hated you and wanted to put the weight of his authority against you. It could be too dangerous to be worth it.

Well, either you drop the All from ACAB... or your friend.

I mean, try to steer him to not be "one of the bad ones" and always do the right thing even if that means the possibility of getting fired.

If he starts abusing his power, thats when you have to cut off the friendship.

Basically, act as his conscience, and stop him from getting corrupted by the system.

Remember, if its not him, someone else is taking his position. Just use the fact that this happened to be your friend to try to act as a moral guide. But be willing to confront him if he becomes corrupt and be prepared of the possibility to lose this friend.

I think you deal with it the same way you deal with someone of other political party. If you can have a reasonable argument with them and each explain your values and how you process some issues, it's OK if they come to a different place than you.
E.g. People can feel for the homeless and come to a different % of assistance vs. job training.

But, If it seems like they have an utter lack of empathy for a certain type of person, you call that out and see what happens. If they can't acknowledge human rights and dignity, you cut them off.

Wouldn't be a friend.

Some people just have shitty jobs. That's not a necessarily a judgement of them as an individual, it just a fact that they have a shitty job.

I've lived in mostly rural areas, so ACAB doesn't apply nearly as much, but one of my two best friends took law classes and became one of those officers that goes door-to-door checking on people. I technically would assume it's like a probation officer type of position, but she's so unathletic and overall physically outside the expectations you'd place on a cop that either A) she's not a parole officer B) they hired her simply because she can run fast or C) they hired her because she's the last person to fulfill the ACAB stereotype on account of how unintimidating she is, and even if I were one of those ACAB types of people, I would never in a million years visualize her as fulfilling anything except the exception to the rule.

How did I react to the news? I just shrugged. If anything, it gave me some comfort that I had a cop friend which would help certain conflicts I could end up in. From a certain point of view, if you're so scared of cops, having a cop friend could be seen as increasing your chances of having the benefit of the doubt should something happen. Wouldn't you want to be friends with the people in power?

Sounds familiar. Keeping things vague, but I know a US cop. Out and proud about voting for the convicted felon rather than the district attorney, not that he could possibly think of it that way.

His kids are grown and I've seen evidence they don't share his views. At least one of those kids is a woman. I take solace in the fact that their votes cancelled his out, even if things have gone his way.

I wouldn't say he's a friend, but he's definitely friend of a friend territory and I've "spoken" with him a few times. Carefully. It's been almost pleasant. Even the ones with their heads on wrong can be personable. Until you get on their bad side.

Because of mutual friends, I can't avoid him all the time, but if I can, I do.

Every perfect rule has only 1 exception.

If you meet another "good one" know that one of em is lying to you.

I'm not saying which country I live in, but I've only ever had good experiences with cops. They were polite to me and also helpful. It is a profession which can and does attract bad actors and the extent to which people are vetted differs between locations, but not everyone is going to be like that. There are genuinely nice and caring people out there who want to help and protect people!

Being a cop doesnt make you an asshole. Nazis were friendly with each other and many even had jewish and foreigner friends. The job is whats the problem and unfortunately its part of a persons identity. Every person has subjectively good and bad sides, you have to decide how heavily each weighs