this post was submitted on 26 Nov 2024
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And Finally...
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spits out coffee
wwwhhhhhhaaaaattt?
Who wants to take the odds on this actually being a guard's kid after the DNA test is done?
They are accused murderers. Meaning they won't likely getting out till old AF and never going to be able to have kids.
There is very good chance they did this for that reason.
This reminded me of a story in "Archipelago Gulag." Bear in mind, some gulags were absolutely vast.
So at least in this particular gulag, women and men had separate dormitories, but men often visited the ladies' huts and openly got it on, resulting in a lot of pregnancies. Pregnant women didn't need to work and after their 2nd (3rd?) child, they were discharged and could go home.
The guards finally managed to keep the intruders out, but now, men and women just met after work, out in the open. Guards put up barbed wire to gender-separate the areas. Pregnancies surged even harder. How so? You see, the wire did not touch the ground in all places. So the men got down under the wire, on their backs. The women squatted down, and...
The guards then put up a solid fence, but good jumpers/ climbers could get over it, so... pregnancies, still. Finally, they made the fence so tall that the baby-making stopped... almost entirely.
Mommy, where do babies come from? The Stork, love, you, the pipes.
Getting a child in prison.
What could go wrong?
You know what? With those people I think it’s better that they did it in prison.
And they say romance is dead
They might be in there for a long time, no conjugal allowed. It's possible when they get out - they won't be able to have kids, so they did this.
Us prison system is a brutal dehumanizing place
Not like this Jurassic Park Scientist man. 😭
Not like this.
Who says romance is dead?
Those two cookies are in for murder 1 and murder 2 plus other violent offenses. Just in case other people were wondering why they said they wouldn't get a chance to be a parent for a very long time.
The proud father:
And the happy mother:
Anyone can be a father. But it takes semen in Saran Wrap every day like five times a day for like a month straight to be a dad.
Still a better love story than Twilight?
Absolutely. If nothing else, I'm not hoping everyone involved dies at the end, which is a massive change from twilight
So that's how God did it, huh?
The Bible hand-waves away some steps, but pretty much.
It's the tokophobia talking, but I do find it fascinating how much people can want to be pregnant.
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5 times a day for a month!?
Where's he getting that much Saran wrap in jail?
I got the sense that he was stockpiling his…product, and then shipping it over the border once he had accumulated enough for a proper insemination attempt. I hate everything about what I just typed.
Considering that sperm die pretty fast outside the body it's more likely it was "fresh".
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The Shaw-wank Redemption?
Edit: Or Sore-shaft Redemption.
Prison Wank?
The Rock (hard)
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"Potion seller, I need your strongest potions."
That headline just got wilder with every word
Huh, I need to re-read the Gospels, I don't remember the part about Mary stuffing semen she got from the HVAC vents into her cooter. God indeed works in mysterious ways.
To save any other Britons having to search it, "Saran Wrap" is American for "Cling Film".
And for the Germans: Frischhaltefolie
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I don't know, I am more inclined to believe that they found a way to meet up and have sex, but they are trying to hide that so they don't get into trouble. Maybe the facility is going along with it, so they don't get into trouble either.
Or a guard trying to hide it like some people said on other comments.
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