Sadly, this is not the Onion.

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For true stories that you could have sworn were from The Onion.

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Cash envelope returned to Head Hunters after cops misread ‘drags profit’ as ‘drugs profit’ (www.newstalkzb.co.nz)
submitted 4 hours ago by bOt@zerobytes.monster to c/nottheonion@zerobytes.monster
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The original post: /r/nottheonion by /u/Jacinda-Muldoon on 2024-12-03 11:48:56.
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German Island To End Ritual Of Spanking Women With Cow Horn. (www.dw.com)
submitted 4 hours ago by bOt@zerobytes.monster to c/nottheonion@zerobytes.monster
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The original post: /r/nottheonion by /u/OasisLiamStan72 on 2024-12-03 11:19:14.
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A chef whose van was stolen with 2,500 pies inside is urging the thieves to donate the loot (apnews.com)
submitted 4 hours ago by bOt@zerobytes.monster to c/nottheonion@zerobytes.monster
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The original post: /r/nottheonion by /u/Several_Print4633 on 2024-12-03 09:57:51.
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Alleged OVP fund recipient ‘Mary Grace Piattos’ lacks birth record. (www.abs-cbn.com)
submitted 4 hours ago by bOt@zerobytes.monster to c/nottheonion@zerobytes.monster
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The original post: /r/nottheonion by /u/ShittyIslander on 2024-12-03 05:49:49.

Context: "Piattos" is the name of a chip brand in the Philippines.

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Bear attacks worker, ransacks meat section in Japan supermarket rampage (edition.cnn.com)
submitted 4 hours ago by bOt@zerobytes.monster to c/nottheonion@zerobytes.monster
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The original post: /r/nottheonion by /u/Aaaaaaarrrrrggggghh on 2024-12-03 05:27:10.
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Man Sets Forest Ablaze After Trying To Light Spider On Fire; Wyoming Officials Caution Against That (cowboystatedaily.com)
submitted 4 hours ago by bOt@zerobytes.monster to c/nottheonion@zerobytes.monster
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The original post: /r/nottheonion by /u/Decent-Foundation-75 on 2024-12-03 05:21:52.
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IHOP server of 13 years says she was fired after giving man in need a stack of pancakes (local12.com)
submitted 4 hours ago by bOt@zerobytes.monster to c/nottheonion@zerobytes.monster
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The original post: /r/nottheonion by /u/Somebody_iw29 on 2024-12-03 05:14:17.
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Pig Butchering and Romance Scams on the Rise in Brown County (www.seehafernews.com)
submitted 4 hours ago by bOt@zerobytes.monster to c/nottheonion@zerobytes.monster
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The original post: /r/nottheonion by /u/cday119 on 2024-12-02 22:51:14.
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Vietnamese tycoon in race to raise $9bn to avoid execution (www.bbc.com)
submitted 12 hours ago by bOt@zerobytes.monster to c/nottheonion@zerobytes.monster
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The original post: /r/nottheonion by /u/rmumford on 2024-12-03 03:13:19.
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Dog Dumped At Local Shelter Because Owners Say He's Gay (www.wccbcharlotte.com)
submitted 12 hours ago by bOt@zerobytes.monster to c/nottheonion@zerobytes.monster
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The original post: /r/nottheonion by /u/Brave_Travel_5364 on 2024-12-03 01:47:18.
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Man Who Won £11 Million Lottery Bought Houses for Friends but Lost Contact with Them, Now Feels Regret (iaelimited.com)
submitted 12 hours ago by bOt@zerobytes.monster to c/nottheonion@zerobytes.monster
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The original post: /r/nottheonion by /u/Okoeguale on 2024-12-03 01:24:11.
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$4M Connecticut mansion burns down after residents fry turkey in garage on Thanksgiving (www.usatoday.com)
submitted 12 hours ago by bOt@zerobytes.monster to c/nottheonion@zerobytes.monster
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The original post: /r/nottheonion by /u/SaneForCocoaPuffs on 2024-12-02 23:13:07.
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Florida introduces bill to ban "weather modification" (www.newsweek.com)
submitted 12 hours ago by bOt@zerobytes.monster to c/nottheonion@zerobytes.monster
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The original post: /r/nottheonion by /u/socialcreditor1984 on 2024-12-02 21:55:12.
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Orcas revive 'dead salmon hat' trend from the 1980s (vancouversun.com)
submitted 12 hours ago by bOt@zerobytes.monster to c/nottheonion@zerobytes.monster
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The original post: /r/nottheonion by /u/emitremmus27 on 2024-12-02 21:06:29.
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"Whatever the case, I apologize", South Korea's president state, “If you tell me specifically what I did wrong, then I will apologize for that specific fact.” (english.hani.co.kr)
submitted 12 hours ago by bOt@zerobytes.monster to c/nottheonion@zerobytes.monster
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The original post: /r/nottheonion by /u/badatthinkinggood on 2024-12-02 20:54:52.
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Misinformation expert used AI to draft testimony containing misinformation about AI (minnesotareformer.com)
submitted 12 hours ago by bOt@zerobytes.monster to c/nottheonion@zerobytes.monster
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The original post: /r/nottheonion by /u/Ganesha811 on 2024-12-02 20:46:24.
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Men Arrested At Texas A&M Game For Fake Construction Credentials With The Names “Harry Azcrac” & “Duncan McCockiner” (www.whiskeyriff.com)
submitted 12 hours ago by bOt@zerobytes.monster to c/nottheonion@zerobytes.monster
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The original post: /r/nottheonion by /u/Pleasant_One8771 on 2024-12-02 18:17:24.
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Jeff Bezos 'Acts Like He Owns' The Elite Neighborhood He Lives In, But Residents Say He's 'Not Much Of A Neighbor (www.benzinga.com)
submitted 22 hours ago by bOt@zerobytes.monster to c/nottheonion@zerobytes.monster
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The original post: /r/nottheonion by /u/superbl00per on 2024-12-02 15:20:16.
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Sex workers in Belgium now have maternity leave and sick pay in world first for employment rights (www.cnn.com)
submitted 22 hours ago by bOt@zerobytes.monster to c/nottheonion@zerobytes.monster
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The original post: /r/nottheonion by /u/straightouttasuburb on 2024-12-02 17:55:38.
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Former No More Lockdowns organizer sentenced to seven years for human trafficking (www.stratfordbeaconherald.com)
submitted 22 hours ago by bOt@zerobytes.monster to c/nottheonion@zerobytes.monster
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The original post: /r/nottheonion by /u/Buddyblue21 on 2024-12-02 17:23:15.
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Enron is back to launch crypto token focused on solving the energy crisis (cryptoslate.com)
submitted 22 hours ago by bOt@zerobytes.monster to c/nottheonion@zerobytes.monster
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The original post: /r/nottheonion by /u/error521 on 2024-12-02 16:36:16.
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From threats to gifts: How Haitian gang leaders added TikTok to their social media arsenal (haitiantimes.com)
submitted 22 hours ago by bOt@zerobytes.monster to c/nottheonion@zerobytes.monster
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The original post: /r/nottheonion by /u/urban_piktor2030 on 2024-12-02 16:30:09.
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Sinkhole residents may not be home for Christmas (www.bbc.co.uk)
submitted 22 hours ago by bOt@zerobytes.monster to c/nottheonion@zerobytes.monster
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The original post: /r/nottheonion by /u/weavin on 2024-12-02 16:21:09.
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The Top 10 YouTubers of 2024: Inspiring Success, Luxury, and Achieving Goals (movrq.com)
submitted 22 hours ago by bOt@zerobytes.monster to c/nottheonion@zerobytes.monster
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The original post: /r/nottheonion by /u/Florence_Chloe on 2024-12-02 14:35:00.
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13 Year Old Boy Sues Parents for Sending Him to Africa Over Gang Allegations (globalbenefit.co.uk)
submitted 22 hours ago by bOt@zerobytes.monster to c/nottheonion@zerobytes.monster
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The original post: /r/nottheonion by /u/Less-Cap-4469 on 2024-12-02 11:53:18.
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