Sadly, this is not the Onion.

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For true stories that you could have sworn were from The Onion.

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Pittsburgh woman hires boys to shovel snow for $5 then assaults one of them: Police (www.usatoday.com)

submitted 5 hours ago by bOt@zerobytes.monster to c/nottheonion@zerobytes.monster

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The original post: /r/nottheonion by /u/halxp01 on 2025-01-17 23:16:16.

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Bloodletting recommended for Jersey residents after PFAS contamination (www.theguardian.com)

submitted 5 hours ago by bOt@zerobytes.monster to c/nottheonion@zerobytes.monster

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The original post: /r/nottheonion by /u/RizzOreo on 2025-01-17 22:40:27.

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Democratic senator on Biden’s farewell plea: ‘Now he tells us’ (thehill.com)

submitted 5 hours ago by bOt@zerobytes.monster to c/nottheonion@zerobytes.monster

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The original post: /r/nottheonion by /u/deepmindfulness on 2025-01-17 14:30:54.

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Bloodletting recommended for Jersey residents after PFAS contamination (www.theguardian.com)

submitted 5 hours ago by bOt@zerobytes.monster to c/nottheonion@zerobytes.monster

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The original post: /r/nottheonion by /u/Dedaciai on 2025-01-17 13:04:13.

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UnitedHealth CEO says U.S. health system 'needs to function better' (www.nbcnews.com)

submitted 5 hours ago by bOt@zerobytes.monster to c/nottheonion@zerobytes.monster

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The original post: /r/nottheonion by /u/fuzzball517 on 2025-01-17 12:18:13.

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Russian Church Says HIMARS Strikes Are 'Punishment for Abortion' (www.newsweek.com)

submitted 5 hours ago by bOt@zerobytes.monster to c/nottheonion@zerobytes.monster

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The original post: /r/nottheonion by /u/vincevega87 on 2025-01-17 10:46:35.

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Orange County fire chief uses milk and beer to save two homes from Eaton Fire (abc7.com)

submitted 5 hours ago by bOt@zerobytes.monster to c/nottheonion@zerobytes.monster

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The original post: /r/nottheonion by /u/L181G on 2025-01-17 06:17:51.

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Religious Zionism Threatens to Leave Coalition if War Does Not Resume After First Phase of Deal (matzav.com)

submitted 5 hours ago by bOt@zerobytes.monster to c/nottheonion@zerobytes.monster

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The original post: /r/nottheonion by /u/Leather-Paramedic-10 on 2025-01-17 03:16:11.

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Thai PM Says She Was Target of Foreign Leader Phone Scam (www.irrawaddy.com)

submitted 5 hours ago by bOt@zerobytes.monster to c/nottheonion@zerobytes.monster

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The original post: /r/nottheonion by /u/CaliRecluse on 2025-01-17 02:39:50.

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Police: Man accused of dumping puppies left name, address on box (www.kait8.com)

submitted 5 hours ago by bOt@zerobytes.monster to c/nottheonion@zerobytes.monster

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The original post: /r/nottheonion by /u/RanMan0188 on 2025-01-17 01:44:36.

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UnitedHealth CEO says U.S. health system 'needs to function better' (www.nbcnews.com)

submitted 5 hours ago by bOt@zerobytes.monster to c/nottheonion@zerobytes.monster

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The original post: /r/nottheonion by /u/ExceptionalSmartness on 2025-01-16 23:56:24.

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Rats get taste for drugs in Houston police evidence room (www.theguardian.com)

submitted 5 hours ago by bOt@zerobytes.monster to c/nottheonion@zerobytes.monster

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The original post: /r/nottheonion by /u/CalSimpLord on 2025-01-16 23:36:09.

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Woman accused of taking her deceased uncle to a bank in a wheelchair to secure a $3,200 loan, says she didn’t know he was dead. (statestories.com)

submitted 5 hours ago by bOt@zerobytes.monster to c/nottheonion@zerobytes.monster

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The original post: /r/nottheonion by /u/perisaacs on 2025-01-16 22:48:58.

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Top Supreme Court lawyer charged with tax evasion related to poker winnings (www.cnbc.com)

submitted 5 hours ago by bOt@zerobytes.monster to c/nottheonion@zerobytes.monster

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The original post: /r/nottheonion by /u/Several_Print4633 on 2025-01-16 22:27:23.

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Judge sentence woman for setting fire to a Springfield home using Takis tortilla chips (www.ky3.com)

submitted 5 hours ago by bOt@zerobytes.monster to c/nottheonion@zerobytes.monster

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The original post: /r/nottheonion by /u/monexicano on 2025-01-16 21:58:50.

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MTA installs turnstile 'spikes' at NYC subway station (search.app)

submitted 5 hours ago by bOt@zerobytes.monster to c/nottheonion@zerobytes.monster

1 comments fedilink

The original post: /r/nottheonion by /u/noburdennyc on 2025-01-16 21:27:18.

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Americans rush to learn Mandarin on Duolingo as TikTok ban looms and RedNote rises (www.themirror.com)

submitted 5 hours ago by bOt@zerobytes.monster to c/nottheonion@zerobytes.monster

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The original post: /r/nottheonion by /u/shoofinsmertz on 2025-01-16 21:14:25.

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Soup You Can Suck On: Introducing Progresso Soup Drops, the Ultimate Cold and Flu Season Comfort (www.generalmills.com)

submitted 1 day ago by bOt@zerobytes.monster to c/nottheonion@zerobytes.monster

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The original post: /r/nottheonion by /u/SpaceCowpoke_ on 2025-01-16 20:08:05.

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BT scraps EV charging point scheme having only installed one (www.bbc.co.uk)

submitted 1 day ago by bOt@zerobytes.monster to c/nottheonion@zerobytes.monster

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The original post: /r/nottheonion by /u/JDiddly14 on 2025-01-16 15:29:27.

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Moon added to list of threatened cultural sites for first time (www.theguardian.com)

submitted 1 day ago by bOt@zerobytes.monster to c/nottheonion@zerobytes.monster

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The original post: /r/nottheonion by /u/Hrmbee on 2025-01-16 14:38:00.

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Utah trans girls now required to meet testosterone levels stricter than NCAA to compete in high school sports (www.sltrib.com)

submitted 1 day ago by bOt@zerobytes.monster to c/nottheonion@zerobytes.monster

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The original post: /r/nottheonion by /u/JAlbert653 on 2025-01-16 20:28:54.

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After shutting down several popular emulators, Nintendo admits emulation is legal. (www.androidauthority.com)

submitted 1 day ago by bOt@zerobytes.monster to c/nottheonion@zerobytes.monster

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The original post: /r/nottheonion by /u/OhFishBeardman on 2025-01-16 19:22:49.

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Middlesbrough people smuggler faces jail after woman found in glovebox (www.thenorthernecho.co.uk)

submitted 1 day ago by bOt@zerobytes.monster to c/nottheonion@zerobytes.monster

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The original post: /r/nottheonion by /u/Curtilia on 2025-01-16 17:55:51.

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Rudy Giuliani doesn't show up to trial over whether he must give up his home and World Series rings (apnews.com)

submitted 1 day ago by bOt@zerobytes.monster to c/nottheonion@zerobytes.monster

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The original post: /r/nottheonion by /u/fuzzball517 on 2025-01-16 17:17:52.

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Bleach Anime Used in New Zealand Murder Case Defense (www.animenewsnetwork.com)

submitted 1 day ago by bOt@zerobytes.monster to c/nottheonion@zerobytes.monster

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The original post: /r/nottheonion by /u/Amirashika on 2025-01-16 15:54:41.