Transfem

For reference I'm a 23 year old trans woman that has been on hrt for 3 years. I usually don't experience this feeling watching transfem content, but cis women still regularly make me deep envy. If anything trans women are the only women I'm not jealous of lol. The idea that my body wasn't just like that naturally and I have to extensively modify it to even reach a rough approximation can be really upsetting at times. I will admit that a lot of my envy is caused by not their bodies themselves, but the fact that they get to be that way with zero effort or pusback from society. They don't have to take meds to look that way, and nobody is trying to stop them from being women.

I live in the US and the threats to take away trans healthcare or make it prohibitively expensive have only exacerbated my envy of cis women. There's a lot of existential dread surrounding the fact that my femaleness is maintained only by a "benevolent" insurance system where most choose to cover hrt and bottom surgery. They could decide to stop at any point and then I get medically detransitioned. Being cis feels extra privileged at the moment. But yeah, seeing cis women go about their day being happy and beautiful and successful has made me stop consuming certain media and has actually brought me to tears, so I understand the feeling. Seeing cis lesbians in the media is probably the worst for me because I feel some insecurity about being perceived as a "real" lesbian or belonging to that culture.

I think ContraPoints has a video on this. From what I remember, we struggle to handle our feelings of Envy. We're socialized to see it as a bad thing, a moral failing, so we refuse to even label it as such.

In truth, envy is a natural human emotion that we should make space for so we can process it. It's not good to give in to your envy, but it's also not good to deny that it's a part of you.

Oh hello, are you me?

I've been watching Elena Darlingg recently, and got a bad case of "wow, she's amazing. I'm never going to be as much of a woman as her. I'm not really trans anyway..." etc etc.

Mostly I just recognize this as an unhelpful thought pattern and go do something else for a while (and cuddle Blåhaj). Objectively, I know that these are thoughts that cis women have; it's just imposter syndrome; I should be comparing progress against my past self and so on, but that really doesn't help much when I'm feeling jealous.

Sometimes I do get euphoria though, and while I can't call it up on demand, I do try to remember those times and that I'm doing this to feel good!

Starting HRT made a big difference: I'm in the pipeline now and just sitting around is still working towards my goal. I hope your therapist will get you sorted soon.

<3

I've had a lot of these experiences, and it's been pretty hard, I've even had the exact same experience with The Owl House actually.

Honestly I've been dealing with it by working on myself, I'm slowly becoming someone I like to be and feeling more confident, largely through diy fashion, but also just by getting involved in stuff I'm passionate about. Over time the envy has begun to fade because I'm feeling more and more like I have my own identity and I like who I am now.

I have no idea if it's even remotely the same for you, but once I stopped feeling generic, things got a lot better. These days I look in the mirror and I see the punk I am, instead of a struggling mess with no direction, and that makes me feel secure about myself. It's still really crazy to me that I feel more real than ever because of a pair of pants made of dental floss and dirt.

I used to have the same issue as well with being envious of how cute other people are and being socially anxious. I'm only 2 years old than you, and I've mostly gotten over it and I'm sure you will as well with time.

I think what helps a lot here is working on your self confidence and self love. Chances are, you're also really cute and awesome just like those people you mentioned above.

I'm from a slightly older generation so no, but rest assured, I went through my own similar periods before I started my transition over a decade ago :) I was close to your age actually.

There is a future, and ten years from now you'll look back and smile :)

I guess it is a really common feeling cis people lives with. Just an additional proof you relate to women.

yeah i totally get this, its something that i deal with quite often, although its not as bad i guess, it can be worse in other ways though. i often get envy from watching other girls, and i get all these feelings of "oh i want to be them", "i wish i were more like them", or whatever. sometimes i need to take a break from whatever im watching because i get too distracted by my thoughts and i realize that im not actually watching whatever it is. normally if i change my mindset i can avoid such thoughts, but sometimes i just cant and i just need to avoid things that make me feel bad all together.

however sometimes i feel the opposite, i feel rather inspired to be more like them, and i feel like, wow, if they can do that then so can i, whats stopping me? i rarely do much about it though, i really need to take more action instead of wallowing in my thoughts.

one example of how it can get pretty bad is that i sometimes find myself feeling that way about people in my life, and ill push myself away from them because i just cant handle the thoughts that i have sometimes, i dont really have these thoughts around cis men, in fact i often have the opposite feeling, i feel more fem and such around them, its weird, i dont exactly feel like i fit in in either group, im just in a limbo. i dont always feel this way of course, and having friends that i can relate to and have similar experiences has really helped me overall.

I'm a cis guy, so feel free to ignore everything I said. Though I do want to comment because I have experienced something similar (except not in regards to gender.)

My strategy to cope with it is to take a break from whatever I was watching the instant I start experiencing this and just allow myself to feel sad for some time. I don't think ignoring these emotions helps, so I'll bury myself under a mountain of plushies until the negative feelings pass. Once I feel better I usually don't have any issues with continuing the video/movie/series and actually start enjoying it again. After all, I actually want to watch them. Also, after feeling like I'm capable of rational thought again it helps to question myself why I felt upset and to think of "counterarguments" that contradict the negative thoughts.

Your mileage may vary but it can't hurt (except momentarily) to give it a try.

To me it is opposite. Morre successfull the transfem youtube rthat I am watching bwtter it makes me feel because I think "If she could do it, than I can too!" Of course it isn't like there is no envy at all because there is. but a more hopeful outlook makes me feel better