this post was submitted on 01 Nov 2024
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Piss-Soaked Tucker Carlson Claims Demon Urinated On Him While He Slept (theonion.com)
submitted 2 months ago by ZeroCool@slrpnk.net to c/theonion@midwest.social
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[–] inb4_FoundTheVegan@lemmy.world 56 points 2 months ago

I type lol a lot, but I need you all to know that I fucking HOWLED laughing at this. God damn is the new onion on point.

[–] HowManyNimons@lemmy.world 33 points 2 months ago (2 children)

Ate the onion again!

[–] iAmTheTot@sh.itjust.works 24 points 2 months ago (1 children)

You must have missed what he actually did say recently, which this article is mocking.

[–] HowManyNimons@lemmy.world 12 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Last I heard from him it was the "spanking". You'll excuse me if I don't want to seek out more.

[–] iAmTheTot@sh.itjust.works 30 points 2 months ago (2 children)

Said that a demon scratched him in his sleep, and in the same breath says there were four dogs in his bed at the time.

[–] HowManyNimons@lemmy.world 13 points 2 months ago (1 children)

😑

[–] Rhaedas@fedia.io 4 points 2 months ago

Yeah, that's how the rest of us reacted too.

[–] SkaveRat@discuss.tchncs.de 1 points 2 months ago

That's why you don't take peanut butter into bed

[–] DickFiasco@lemm.ee 30 points 2 months ago (1 children)

I laughed so hard at this that a demon pissed on my pants too.

[–] mister_flibble@lemm.ee 26 points 2 months ago (1 children)

[–] DogPeePoo@lemm.ee 19 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

“The demon made me suck those men off too— and now my wife is pissed”

[–] Lemjukes@lemm.ee 18 points 2 months ago

Hot damn the onions still got it.

[–] Blackout@fedia.io 12 points 2 months ago

Now this I believe

[–] Imgonnatrythis@sh.itjust.works 10 points 2 months ago

That Demon? JD Vance.

[–] Grandwolf319@sh.itjust.works 7 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Omg, a rare onion article that sounded absurd to me and didn’t fool me. Takes me back to the before time… member?

[–] mako@lemmy.today 12 points 2 months ago

This is commentary on Tucker saying that a demon attacked him and clawed him up while he slept.

[–] Valmond@lemmy.world 6 points 2 months ago

Ah, a "wet" dream!

[–] njm1314@lemmy.world 5 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Is that not what he actually said I thought it was?

[–] Fuzzy_Red_Panda@lemm.ee 4 points 2 months ago

That's part of what makes it so great; the original story was equally insane.

[–] Nougat@fedia.io 3 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Did Tucker happen to catch the most recent episode of The Casual Criminalist?

[–] jawa21@lemmy.sdf.org 1 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Thanks for indirectly letting me know that a new episode dropped.

[–] Nougat@fedia.io 1 points 2 months ago

Become consumed by the Whistlerverse.