this post was submitted on 09 Jun 2023
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Relaxed section for discussion and debate that doesn't fit anywhere else. Whether it's advice, how your week is going, a link that's at the back of your mind, or something like that, it can likely go here.


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Like most other people here, I originally came here from reddit. Ive been having a blast so far, and I much prefer the forum-style of this. After about a week of using Lemmy I realized there was something intrinsic to reddit that Lemmy doesnt have. And I wont miss it. Too many people on reddit were way too horny. I was really annoying, but Lemmy seems way more chill. Plus its refreshing knowing that the people on here arent all bots.

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[–] Veraticus@beehaw.org 46 points 1 year ago (9 children)

Especially as a gay guy, seeing massively upvoted posts of a woman holding basically anything (but she’s wearing a low-cut top!!!!!!) got pretty exhausting.

[–] Kovari@lemmy.ml 32 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (2 children)

Trust me, as a hetero woman, I got so exhausted too. Reddit got so eye-roll-y within....less than 5 minutes sometimes that it made me just leave and go do something productive.

[–] SemioticStandard@lemmy.ml 16 points 1 year ago (8 children)

The Internet, sadly, has always been an awful place for women and minorities. I hope we can build a culture here where that kind of shit isn’t tolerated, and all (sans trolls, bigots, racists, and Nazis) are made to feel welcome and respected.

Except the Dutch. Fuck those guys.

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[–] AlolanYoda@lemmy.world 13 points 1 year ago (3 children)

I mean, I'm a straight man and I would also find that annoying!

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[–] BeardedSingleMalt@beehaw.org 9 points 1 year ago

I'll never forgot how absolutely bonkers r/CablePorn went over this. Top posts all-time were of some truly gorgeous masterful cable-work in server rooms, colorful coordination, gore-to-porn jobs of jumbled mess to near works-of-art. Then some mildly attractive girl posts herself pointing to a comparatively meh small cabling setup it went into meltdown while also becoming one of the top posts at the time.

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[–] HalJor@beehaw.org 35 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Ads and the entire ad-driven culture.

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[–] shufflerofrocks@beehaw.org 34 points 1 year ago (10 children)

Lol, I kinda agree, which is somewhat related to another thing I won't miss: The teenagers.

The lockdown + reddit's new direction of becoming more like fb/insta has drastically increased the number of teenagers on reddit. I hate it. It's like an eternal summer-reddit.

The discussions get crappy and stale, they don't follow rediquette, they are insufferably naive but aggressive with their opinions due to twitterification of their online socialisation. and so.fricking.horny. TIFU and Askreddit almost completely became horny fantasy posting, and I blame the teenagers for it.

God I feel like a terminally-online grumpy old man for saying it, but UGH interacting with teens online is like a human rights violation.

[–] mustyOrange@beehaw.org 14 points 1 year ago

Hey redditors, what is the sexiest sex you've ever sexed sexually?

[–] PascalPistachios@beehaw.org 11 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Reminding myself that the person posting the worst opinions I've seen in my life is likely a 14 year-old with unrestricted access to the internet from birth is the only thing keeping me sane.

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[–] grizzzlay@beehaw.org 33 points 1 year ago (6 children)

Another thing I appreciate here is the lack of ragebait. It's more common in video sharing platforms (which Reddit keeps stumbling over itself trying to become) where you have people deliberately making awful food recipes or doing something completely nonsensical for the sole purpose of clicks and engagement.

Social media in its current state is focused on pissing people off. Twitter and Reddit making decisions to kneecap themselves for the sake of lofty ideals is the best thing that's happened to the Internet in recent memory.

[–] Kovari@lemmy.ml 11 points 1 year ago (1 children)

This is particularly why I don't participate in any social media aside from (what used to be reddit but now) lemmy. It got to the point where I wasn't even enjoying reddit, I just clicked it out of habit. And did I actually retain anything useful from that website? Lol no. It was all just timewasting bullshit that put you in a pissy mood.

It's nice to actually hold a fucking conversation for once. I think a lot of us came here for the same reason; missing the community of that old school forum feel.

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[–] linuxpng@lemmy.ml 32 points 1 year ago (4 children)

The thing I like the most is that I don't have to scroll through lines of people making jokes to get to the actual discussion or insightful commentary on the topic. Even though there is less happening here, it is definitely more. I honestly can't see going back to reddit.

[–] DracEULA@beehaw.org 21 points 1 year ago (9 children)

I don't mind good jokes, but Reddit has standard "inside jokes" that are posted to almost every thread. That and the endless quotes from television shows. I like Arrested Development too, but god damn can we just have a conversation without asking how much one banana costs?

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[–] Violet@lemmy.world 15 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

Oh god I got so tired of the jokes. In the beginning I liked to see them peppered in here and there, and I love a good pun, but it just became so overdone and forced. Every thread was just lines and lines and lines of jokes (many of them weren't even good) with no actual conversation. It got boring.

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[–] TheCuriousCoder87@lemmy.ml 31 points 1 year ago (4 children)

I am still horny. I am just waiting for someone to make a popular NSFW instance. I have considered doing it myself but I doubt I would have the energy to manage it.

[–] biscuitsofdoom@beehaw.org 11 points 1 year ago (6 children)

I have considered doing it myself but I doubt I would have the energy to manage it.

Because of the masturbating?

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[–] SemioticStandard@lemmy.ml 9 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Someone did, though there’s nothing on it now https://lemmynsfw.com/

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[–] PCChipsM922U@sh.itjust.works 31 points 1 year ago (7 children)

The horny people are gonna come here, just watch and see 😉.

[–] poofbirb@lemmy.ml 10 points 1 year ago (3 children)

im putting my dingus in your microwave

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[–] animist@lemmy.one 28 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I mean I'm always horny but I never advertised it on reddit, dunno why people ever did

[–] sprocket@sh.itjust.works 14 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Yeah there's nothing wrong with being horny, but shoving it in strangers faces is just gross.

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[–] GrouchyLady@lemmy.world 24 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Some of the subreddits could be great, but some could also be really mean and unwelcoming. So far it seems much more friendly here, and I hope that's not just the honeymoon period.

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[–] Manticore@beehaw.org 20 points 1 year ago (2 children)

You're not wrong; I've noticed the same. Less 'horny' specifically, and more.... reasonable and engaged; vs impulsive and reactive.

I think the accessibility of reddit vs Lemmy plays a feature there. Lemmy requires at least some level of tech literacy to understand well enough to use, and it also isn't where most of the people are. So the people choosing to use Lemmy fully intend to use it; we're not casual users.

Because it's so easy to use, I think Reddit has a lot of young and/or immature people (demographics that overlap, but aren't the same). So it's full of impulsive, heavily-opinionated, casual users who aren't really invested in their communities, that can easily make a new account on a whim, and that create echo chambers with their votes.

It's not really Reddit's fault, tbh. It's an issue of user population, especially when 90% of the users do nothing more than upvote (so generically agreeable things rise) or downvote (anything that challenges them falls). The bigger a user platform gets, the more it homogenises.

Reddit was only unusual in that subreddits let it homogenise on a sub-by-sub basis and create echo chambers; a savvy redditor could still find smaller subs with better discussion (r/patientgamers rather than r/gaming for example). Or subs would get bigger and start becoming hostile or tribal, losing their original mission - and somebody from the old days would make a 'true' version (r/childfree vs r/truechildfree).

Lemmy is too small for groupthink to homogenise it (yet?). But particularly large instances could potentially go the same way given enough years. It's just that Lemmy being federated means that we can make new instances, and defederate from any that we may find unpleasant. I've already learned of one portal that isn't federated to my chosen one.

[–] DannySpud@lemmy.ml 8 points 1 year ago (2 children)

I think the accessibility of reddit vs Lemmy plays a feature there. Lemmy requires at least some level of tech literacy to understand well enough to use

This is a big plus for Lemmy right now. IMO the reason Reddit used to be great was its inaccessibility. Old-style Reddit was ugly as hell and difficult to use and that kept away the "impulsive, heavily-opinionated, casual users".

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[–] PascalPistachios@beehaw.org 8 points 1 year ago (6 children)

To add onto your point. One thing that we'll have to watch out for is that toxic clout culture built up on other websites coming here.

It's been something I've been thinking about in the context of all this. People aren't coming from the void. They'll have their own internet lingo and culture that they'll bring with them to any site they go to. And while the design of a website can mitigate some of the worst parts of a culture, it can't outright remove it.

Without near constant vigilance (like the ask a historian subreddit) most communities will end up dying off. And even then you're at the whims of the platform.

I realise my point now is hardly even connected to yours, haha. Apologies.

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[–] lemillionsocks@beehaw.org 19 points 1 year ago (4 children)

For me it feels like the larger subs became unusable. Unless you caught a rising thread just at the right moment your comment would get drowned in a flood. Also the comments would be low effort and bad. Old reddit you'd go into the comments and someone would add more context or discussion to the link. Modern reddit it's an endless chain of people rushing to make low effort jokes.

Also reddit's free speech reddit lead to a very obnoxious type of troll dance around threads because "Im not breaking any rules I'm just having an intellectual debate!". Lemmy instances are more like old school message boards though. Saw a guy on lemmy.ml get a post deleted and a warning because he tried to say something disparaging about trans people, come back and be like "IM JUST DISAGREEING" and then he made another posts with screenshots trying to drum up outrage. This isnt reddit tho so he just got quietly banned.

Lemmy isnt trying to sell you anything, and it doesnt think free speech means you have the right to be an asshole and poop all over threads. It was refreshing to see them just taken care of.

[–] BruceTwarzen@kbin.social 11 points 1 year ago

It has always been crazy to me just how unusable subreddits became when they got too big. And no one cares. Yeah, this doesn't fit here at all, but it's a funny meme, so it gets upvoted.
I remember some years ago reading a thread about small funny subreddits. I found me_irl, which was a tiny community back then. It was hilarious, it was just some relatable comedy. Then it blew up and it became a SpongeBob meme sub, and then it became a "i wanna kill myself lol" sub. Now it's just: post whatever picture, no one cares.

What is even the point? It's just Facebook

[–] StrahdVonZarovich@beehaw.org 10 points 1 year ago (3 children)

Hit the nail right on the head. Thats why I LOVE all this rn. I can make posts and comment and people reply with genuine responses (like you for example). I never wanted to comment because it would just get drowned in the sea of recycled ideas. Plus all the bots which made me paranoid about doing anything. A part of me hopes that Lemmy stays like an old school forum/message board forever, because i'm really enjoying this.

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[–] chaoticPuppies@beehaw.org 9 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (4 children)

Yes!

I miss the days when I could look in the comments for more information about a post and actually learn or discover something new. The comments are worthless at this point. There is no discussion to be had.

"The troll dance" is an excellent way to explain it. One of my last comments was about a cow that was laying it's head in a woman's lap. It was a nice comment about the cow (which was stated to be female). Out of no where some troll popped up and started the "dId YoU jUsT aSsUmE gEnDeR?!??" line of bait. I flat out said that I was not going to "debate" the gender of a bovine. The entire conversation was so utterly pointless. What has reddit become? Why did I stay so long? Why was I commenting about a cow?

[–] BinaryEnthusiast@beehaw.org 10 points 1 year ago

God there were certain subs that were just painful to use, even when interesting posts made it to the front page. The one I remember in particular was a mom made her kids a really cool Asian/Tokyo inspired cardboard fort, and you could tell it was really well done and probably made that kids week. Instead of the comments being about how cool the fort was, people were demeaning her saying “ah she’s probably a stay at home mom because she has all this free time”. Good lord, people on Reddit were miserable and couldn’t let other people have fun

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[–] carlyman@lemmy.ml 18 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] hawdini 14 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] blindsight@beehaw.org 29 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I haven't thought of that meme in a long time.

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[–] CookieJarObserver@feddit.de 17 points 1 year ago (8 children)

Most people are still horny idk what you mean...

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[–] Silviecat44@vlemmy.net 16 points 1 year ago (4 children)

I am waiting for some NSFW communities/instances to be created. It has the addition of attracting new users as well.

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[–] wintrparkgrl@beehaw.org 16 points 1 year ago

Horny AF person here. Theres just not a riske or nsfw place so I dont bring it with me

[–] jezebelley@lemmy.ml 16 points 1 year ago (8 children)

Trust me; they're coming. As a borderline asexual person I'd want nothing more than a non horny refuge, but that will never exist. Humans are far far too horned up to allow for that.

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[–] Klinkertinlegs@beehaw.org 14 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] plum@sh.itjust.works 16 points 1 year ago (1 children)

The pessimistic Internet user in me knows we are in the honeymoon stage of a wonderful user base.

[–] Klinkertinlegs@beehaw.org 8 points 1 year ago

Yeah, I just encountered my first “average redditor” on here, but it was just one account among many great ones, so it’s still good for now, but the trolls will come.

[–] goat@beehaw.org 14 points 1 year ago (1 children)

where is the porn communities anyway? where are my hot anime babes?

[–] sprocket@sh.itjust.works 8 points 1 year ago (3 children)
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[–] jherazob@beehaw.org 13 points 1 year ago

Give it time

[–] myk@beehaw.org 13 points 1 year ago

If you build it, they will come.

[–] skatergirl69420@beehaw.org 12 points 1 year ago

THISSSS. its nice to know that presumably the majority of the people here are genuine people who want to be here and engage in a community :) im so happy to be(e) here hehe

[–] PascalSausage@beehaw.org 10 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Oh, there's still plenty of time for that. I've already seen a couple of NSFW Lemmy instances,

[–] closure1170@beehaw.org 16 points 1 year ago (5 children)

That's disgusting! Tell me exactly where so I know where to avoid! Exactly.

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[–] sailsperson@beehaw.org 9 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Something similar drove me off 4chan'd /b/ back in the day. At some point, it became absolutely not random, but simply dedicated to various porn - porn that surely had their own board, which made me even more confused as to why post it in a place that is specifically made for basically uncategorised content that shouldn't fit anywhere else.

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[–] WhoRoger@lemmy.world 9 points 1 year ago

I don't know how to tell you this.....

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