this post was submitted on 19 Sep 2024
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the_dunk_tank

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It's the dunk tank.

This is where you come to post big-brained hot takes by chuds, libs, or even fellow leftists, and tear them to itty-bitty pieces with precision dunkstrikes.

Rule 1: All posts must include links to the subject matter, and no identifying information should be redacted.

Rule 2: If your source is a reactionary website, please use archive.is instead of linking directly.

Rule 3: No sectarianism.

Rule 4: TERF/SWERFs Not Welcome

Rule 5: No ableism of any kind (that includes stuff like libt*rd)

Rule 6: Do not post fellow hexbears.

Rule 7: Do not individually target other instances' admins or moderators.

Rule 8: The subject of a post cannot be low hanging fruit, that is comments/posts made by a private person that have low amount of upvotes/likes/views. Comments/Posts made on other instances that are accessible from hexbear are an exception to this. Posts that do not meet this requirement can be posted to !shitreactionariessay@lemmygrad.ml

Rule 9: if you post ironic rage bait im going to make a personal visit to your house to make sure you never make this mistake again

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  1. Dying of heatstroke in the summer due to global warming and not having an air conditioner in your fifty-year- old rental apartment that costs £5 million on the market
  1. Freezing to death in the winter because the Labour government just cut your fuel allowance
  1. Cheering with your mates every time migrants drown crossing the Channel
  1. Burning to death in a tower block due to the complete negligence of every single responsible party
  1. Being so transphobic that your family can no longer be around you
  1. Waking up every morning and not taking to the streets to overthrow the inbred hereditary aristocracy that rules over you

https://archive.is/rxuQN

all 40 comments
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[–] BelieveRevolt@hexbear.net 39 points 2 months ago (2 children)
  1. Strawpedoing six bottles of Smirnoff Ice at Oceana while Cascada plays.

Excuse me, strawwhat? libertarian-alert

[–] Erika3sis@hexbear.net 26 points 2 months ago (3 children)

The good thing about British English is that there's never going to be any confusion about "paedo" as in "paedophile" and "pedo" as in "torpedo", at least in writing.

[–] Hexboare@hexbear.net 22 points 2 months ago

The loss of ae was a disaster for languages

[–] BelieveRevolt@hexbear.net 11 points 2 months ago

I didn't even consider that really, yet another cultural L for TERF Island that everyone will think of pedophile before torpedo when they see that combination of letters.

[–] GiveOver 10 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Aye but there's always a mixup when software developers need a nonce

[–] Erika3sis@hexbear.net 5 points 2 months ago

That term does makes me feel a bit weird about referring to "nonce words"

[–] Eco@hexbear.net 20 points 2 months ago (3 children)

great way to down a drink - cw: reddit but actually a pretty decent video showing the concept

[–] Deadend@hexbear.net 17 points 2 months ago (1 children)

That’s… next level alcoholism.

[–] Eco@hexbear.net 15 points 2 months ago

fun fact: i learnt this trick at age 13. britain is great like that

[–] huf@hexbear.net 15 points 2 months ago (1 children)

what a strange thing to want a great technique for... why?

[–] Eco@hexbear.net 15 points 2 months ago (1 children)

because alcoholism is british culture

[–] huf@hexbear.net 14 points 2 months ago (1 children)

you mean european culture, but yeah.

still, there's no need to chug drinks to achieve alcoholism.

[–] Hexboare@hexbear.net 14 points 2 months ago (1 children)

if i dont drink straight spirits i cant be an alcoholic guvna

[–] huf@hexbear.net 12 points 2 months ago

and other fairy tales we tells ourselves :)

[–] HexReplyBot@hexbear.net 3 points 2 months ago

A Reddit link was detected in your comment. Here are links to the same location on alternative frontends that protect your privacy.

[–] Awoo@hexbear.net 36 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

This is just all gonna be stolen from /r/britishproblems and /r/casualuk

Both subs are run by tory shits working to incrementally move people rightwards.

EDIT: Read the first ten, these are really shit I could do better.

[–] vovchik_ilich@hexbear.net 24 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Not having read the full list, I hope that "jumping from a hotel window in Balearic islands to your death because you tried 'balconing' and missed the hotel pool" is there

[–] PM_ME_YOUR_FOUCAULTS@hexbear.net 14 points 2 months ago (1 children)
[–] vovchik_ilich@hexbear.net 13 points 2 months ago

Fake news, can't find it!

[–] PKMKII@hexbear.net 23 points 2 months ago (1 children)

3 is just a rip off of the MTA’s “If you see something, say something.”

80% of these can be summed up as “You have semi-functional alcoholism.”

[–] Huldra@hexbear.net 13 points 2 months ago

He literally just like hanged out for a couple days eating random fast food for breakfast lunch and dinner, and then going out to a pub afterwards and using all that for research.

Just fucking took the tube one time and wrote down the announcement to put on the list, heard one piss drunk call it "the panny d" as a bit and stole that for another list entry.

[–] Huldra@hexbear.net 21 points 2 months ago (2 children)

Like a solid two thirds of this is literally just the author taking a fucking walk and making up nonsense about various fast food/grocery store things or looking at tourist destinations to reference.

Genuine masterclass in churning out bullshit in a single day, impressive. The British must absolutely execute this little bastard in public, give him an honorary CIA journalism award treatment.

[–] Krem@hexbear.net 8 points 2 months ago
  • getting fancy snacks from an overpriced chain
  • travelling all over the worst anglo holiday spots in south/east europe to get drunk and be a dickhead (but ironically)
  • going out in your hometown to get drunk and be a dickhead (but fancily)
  • having a phrasy phrase with your matey mates

yep, it's middle class anglo time screm-cool

[–] Wheaties@hexbear.net 8 points 2 months ago

Whoever made the header image seems more familiar with Britain than the author. They at least knew enough to include alcohol in the picture.

  1. “My wife told me to stop playing Wonderwall – I said: ‘Maybe …’”

'ello, govnah! Don't kill 'evin Bacon

[–] Mardoniush@hexbear.net 19 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Seriously though how do the British stay alive if this is their peak experience?

[–] MaoTheLawn@hexbear.net 10 points 2 months ago

It's not, this is performed Britishness for American consumption. It used to be pretending to be a royal.

Now the middle class folk of the Guardian, who think calling someone a 'cockwomble' is hilarious, have written a list summarising a tiktok trend of British performance, this time a performance as a poor rather than a royal.

[–] Tomboymoder@hexbear.net 18 points 2 months ago

I don’t know what two-thirds of this shit means and even I can tell it sucks

[–] asante@hexbear.net 16 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (1 children)
[–] asante@hexbear.net 18 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (1 children)

oh no i'm 4% british noooo

[–] PM_ME_YOUR_FOUCAULTS@hexbear.net 11 points 2 months ago (1 children)

This can never be forgiven

[–] asante@hexbear.net 8 points 2 months ago

first i'm actually a progressive, now i find out i'm too british kitty-cri-screm

[–] Eco@hexbear.net 16 points 2 months ago

i made 6/100 that i can relate to. is my citizenship revoked?

[–] bigbrowncommie69@hexbear.net 14 points 2 months ago

The nice thing about this is that I've come to realise I'm definitely not British. I feel way less guilt.

[–] ryepunk@hexbear.net 13 points 2 months ago

Sink the island into the sea, nothing of value would be lost.

[–] EatPotatoes@hexbear.net 12 points 2 months ago
[–] WittyProfileName2@hexbear.net 12 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

I got 5/100

This list is also highly England-centric but that's the case whenever a saes says British.

[–] sweatersocialist@hexbear.net 11 points 2 months ago

hey we in amerikkka also experience these. a true british colony innit