Welcome to /c/traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns, an anti-capitalist meme community for transgender and gender diverse people.
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π³οΈββ§οΈ Transmasculine Pride Ring π³οΈββ§οΈ
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SALUTE
I have barely watched Breaking Bad
Here is a screenshot of where to find the spoiler button.
Let's have another good week everyone 
Working on posting really hard (an unrestrained torrent of stupid bullshit)
voice dysphoria, probably brainworms too tbh
Thinking about my voice just gives me the worst vibes ever. I feel bitter, I feel sad, I feel ruined. I feel resentful and guilty for feeling that way. I knew when my voice started changing I didn't like it, but always hoped I'd grow to like it. That hasn't happened and never will. I have to painstakingly change it to sound okay. Because of how my dysphoria is and all the layers to it I really don't see me ever getting a truly good voice.
I feel numb, in a sad kinda way. spoiler eating issues I'm not going to pro ana post because its bad (I honestly don't really know why what I'm doing is bad but whatever) and I don't want to get banned. But I have eaten one meal and two cookies in the last 36 hours. Next meal is in four hours. My pain is numbed. :::
I was in a dark mood last night and I avoided the mega so I wouldn't spread my miasma. Sad I missed the posting last night though
Iβm happy with how I look, but why do I still gotta get he/himed. I get why, but itβs annoying.
Morticia and Gomez Adams are a transfeme transmasc couple. I decided it just now
grumbling about shit
so, I said earlier we're close to a formal offer on one place. but one of the big reasons I even picked that place was how close it is to commute for my wife, aaaand now she's going on about wanting a new job in the city to use her degree. which like ok, I get that and it is a good idea outside of this situation; it's just also we're supposed to be moving soon and have a deadline to get shit sorted out, why add more chaos and unknowns to a situation that needs bedrocks?
I don't fault her for wanting to leave her job, but the gripes really are the kinda shit you get at every job 'the management couldn't run a tap' 'this one particular manager is annoying' 'this guy grinds my gears sometimes' that kinda stuff. it's her first job so like I am being supportive with these issues she has, but also easing her into this really is what it's like fucking everywhere you work, and there's a grass is greener on the other side mentality to saying fuck this place I'll go somewhere else. I will 100% support her in the search for a new job, and in terms of getting into the flow of a new workplace, I love her and will always do whatever I can to support that. it's just... do we need that right now with a 2 month deadline over us? I'm no angry with her, more just confused and mildly exhausted with the whole process
I found another 20 places to send off applications too with much better general train access. it's just, this search has been gruling, we're like 90% of the way there on this one place, and now that might be up in the air not due to landlords or estate agents this time. blegh
gf update and sex stuff
We found some middle ground last night. Cuddled and slept together. Cuddled some more this morning and made out.
Taking sex slow so we both can feel safe and understand our needs better. We've both been caught in heterosexual patriarchal normatives around sex and neither of us have really found satisfaction in it.
She's not ace. She was getting turned on this morning. But we pendulated and both want to take it slow so that we don't fall into old habits.
My libido is a lot more manageable too. Third week of sub-c HRT. Morning erections are softer and less insistent. Holding space for us to make out this morning without my habit energy and hormones being pushy was nice too.
I ate a gabapentin recently :3 it would be cool to not have occasional collapses of confidence where anxiety eats me and I have to disappear, I hope this will help.
internalized transphobia
:agony-shivering: I hate randomly thinking of myself as [bad language] holy shit. It's awful, it makes me feel awful, I don't think of anyone else that why so whyyy brain. I stop myself every time and remind myself it's bad, but idk. It still gets me a little bit.
Do unto others as you would have them do unto you
And Iβm supposed to call people βhe/him?β 
I am so happy I'm actually tearing up a little bit. Being trans rocks, so excited to keep going. And to think I've barely started! So many things to try and love!
Feelin' weird
Not really "bad" weird, but "ehhh this is unusual" weird
Mental health/meds/booze
spoiler
Quit drinking entirely this week and stopped taking St. John's Wort and have felt simultaneously kinda lethargic but also a little hyperactive? Keep getting headaches too but I'm not sure if that's just stress or a detoxing from alcohol thing. Mood's decent all things considered but have felt spacey and kinda depersonalized/derealized, like one hit of "the weed that does nothing enjoyable but kinda gives you a headache instantly." I dunno, feels weird
Trans mega stay winning 
I opened a big vacuum sealed bag of puffed rice and it tasted funny and i had to put sugar on it :(
i just woke up at 5 and can't go back to sleep. i'm supposed to be going out at 10. idk whether to try and reschedule that earlier, or take sleeping pills and reschedule it for later.
When Iβm too lazy to read a book I come here, search up the authorβs name and wait for the website to tell me if they suck or if theyβre good. I am replacing my brain with the hex bear π
Been a little bit, but my sites got updated with the fall and late summer dresses so I got some new ones to gush about
Dressposting #3
Today's dress is Bramble Rose's Magical Grass Fragrance Garden!
This one is just, utterly stunning. The concept is a pretty typical one, being a garden theme with lots of rose motifs, but I love how they used green ribbons as an accent colour to imply the flower stems instead of sticking with the blue. It adds a lovely sense of naturalism to it that I really like. Plus they actually have colour options if you really want to have it with just the blue or pink, which is really nice.
Personally I prefer it in the blue/green, but the pink/pink is really cute too! I also love its detachable sleeves, they look so poofy and nice, and when they're detached the dress still works incredibly well which is great since a lot of other dresses can sometimes have issues with the sleeves feeling empty without the extensions.
The dress is also just so incredibly detailed, from the beautiful embroidery to the pearls and differently layered fabrics giving it tons of texture. It looks incredible from up close. I also think this pic shows just how pretty the green and blue looks, particularly on the choker. Like if I could buy just the choker I absolutely would in a heartbeat.
::: spoiler subscriber @Grimm@lemmy.zip
nsfw, better mood today
About to hop in the shower pre-laser so my asshole doesn't smell.
Glad I took the time to shave everything yesterday. Gf helped with the hard to reach bits.
Looking forward to having less ass and crotch hair. And a bit anxious as this is my first laser session.