It’s not bullshit, average is average for a reason. Most people are average or slightly below average and if they just take care of themselves they will look a ton better. Attractiveness is on a bell curve not a straight line.

[–] mycodesucks@lemmy.world 3 points 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago) (1 children)

Okay, maybe this is true.

It's also possible you're talking to someone in the long tail of that bell curve who is already taking care of themselves. You are making a lot of assumptions and your attempt to push responsibility onto him when he may in fact be in the lowest percent of that bell curve, and if he is, your well-intentioned controversial opinion is like throwing salt in his wounds.

People always just assume they can do this with this problem. If someone has mental health issues, they tell them to seek help. If someone has physical issues, they tell them to see a doctor. If they have relationship issues, "Oh, it's all your fault, man. Work on yourself." even in the absence of ANY evidence.

I know it's uncomfortable to think about the people in that bottom 1% of the bell curve who are completely helpless and overwhelmed, but victim blaming isn't a good way to deal with it.

[–] deaf_fish@lemm.ee 1 points 6 months ago (2 children)

I sympathize and also I disagree that there's only one curve. Everyone is different about what they like. One person uggo will be someone else's hotty.

Now, if you're not conventionally attractive that is definitely harder because everyone's opinions are skewed.

I also understand that you may feel like just giving up on finding a match. If that's the case, that's you're right. When you really do give up, please stop posting about how it's impossible to find someone. You're being discouraging to others who are still trying. And the only other option is State mandated partners. Trust me no one wants that not even you.

[–] mycodesucks@lemmy.world 2 points 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago) (2 children)

All I'm saying is, when people post these kinds of things, they're likely not looking for platitudes or advice. If they wanted that, the title of the post would've been "someone help me". It's okay to let people vent about a situation that sucks for them without telling them all of the things you think they should be doing differently.

[–] deaf_fish@lemm.ee 2 points 6 months ago (1 children)

This is just venting? https://lemmy.world/comment/9580103

Then I'm not sure I can tell the difference between venting and someone giving an opinion that they are willing to defend. I'm also not sure how anyone could tell the difference.

[–] mycodesucks@lemmy.world 3 points 6 months ago

I suppose that's a fair point. I can't make the claim I know that.

[–] 1984@lemmy.today 1 points 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago) (1 children)

Are people really that different in what they like? At least the American movies are portraying the exact same kind of attractiveness, to the point that it gets super boring to watch.

[–] deaf_fish@lemm.ee 1 points 6 months ago (1 children)

Yes, if you want an example, look at fetishes. Also if you look through history, you'll find that what people considered attractive varied massively.

But also to your point, the media that we all consume says that this is the kind of person that looks attractive. And so if you ask most people what is attractive, they will tell you the standard Hollywood type.

But I think most people, if they see someone that gives them that happy brain tingle, would go for it even if who they're looking at isn't conventionally attractive.

Don't get me wrong, if you're not conventionally attractive, it does make things harder, but not impossible.

If you need a modern example, I'm a fat computer nerd, and my wife found me on the internet.

[–] 1984@lemmy.today 2 points 6 months ago

Yeah I agree. There is a lot more to a real life meeting than how people look. That's why it's really important to meet people in real life and not on video.