this post was submitted on 18 Apr 2024
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Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

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Anon factory resets (sh.itjust.works)
submitted 7 months ago by Early_To_Risa@sh.itjust.works to c/greentext@sh.itjust.works
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[–] wesker@lemmy.sdf.org 117 points 7 months ago (10 children)

How do you accidentally have sex?

[–] dohpaz42@lemmy.world 82 points 7 months ago (2 children)

You can’t tell me you’ve never tripped, fell, and found yourself having sex before? Duh. It’s like so common.

[–] AtariDump@lemmy.world 89 points 7 months ago (2 children)

[–] dohpaz42@lemmy.world 10 points 7 months ago (1 children)

It’s like a cartoon of my life!

… ok not really.

[–] nilloc@discuss.tchncs.de 11 points 7 months ago

You’re not the guy pushing the service cart?

[–] SubArcticTundra@lemmy.ml 4 points 7 months ago

Man, MTV must have been so cool

[–] zaphod@sopuli.xyz 5 points 7 months ago

Only ever happens to conservative men and only with other men.

[–] Buddahriffic@lemmy.world 40 points 7 months ago (1 children)

Maybe he was lying on his back and a partner just got off and a woman saw there was an available penis and got on before OP could say "no hetero", and by then he felt it and decided to never say it.

[–] lessthanluigi@lemmy.world 16 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago)

"No Hetero" 🤣

Made me laugh way too hard.

I'm saying that to women that I just want a platonic relationship with now.

[–] Anamana@feddit.de 28 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago)
  1. Be at an orgy
  2. Have sex with someone you didn't intend to f
  3. ???
  4. Profit
[–] exocrinous@startrek.website 26 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago)

"Damn bro that ass is tight af. I wonder what you look like with the lights turned on, you handsome boy."

"I'm a woman, anon."

[–] troybot@midwest.social 23 points 7 months ago (1 children)
[–] AlpacaChariot@lemmy.world 7 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago)

Haha thanks, I forgot about this gem!

Think it might be time to rewatch the office!

[–] Leviathan@lemmy.world 21 points 7 months ago

Fiction

[–] isolatedscotch@discuss.tchncs.de 15 points 7 months ago

lots of alcohol I'm guessing

[–] lemurian_time_sorcery@lemmy.world 11 points 7 months ago

how do you not

[–] general_kitten@sopuli.xyz 2 points 7 months ago

Lots of alcohol usually

[–] PoliticalAgitator@lemmy.world -4 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago) (1 children)

Exactly. It's probably just a bullshit story to encourage gay people back into the closet.

[–] morphballganon@lemmy.world 12 points 7 months ago (1 children)

Why would this story compel anyone back into the closet?

[–] PoliticalAgitator@lemmy.world 1 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago) (1 children)

It pushes the idea that gay people can be "cured" with straight sex, which was extremely popular with homophobes in the 80s and 90s.

[–] Obonga@feddit.de 7 points 7 months ago (1 children)

I see that people could get this idea and its worded like that in the greentrxt but people with half a brain would go: "congrats, you just found out that you are bi"

[–] PoliticalAgitator@lemmy.world -1 points 7 months ago (1 children)

The fact that it doesn't reach that incredibly obvious conclusion just makes me even more skeptical. He specifically says he's straight now.

[–] Obonga@feddit.de 1 points 7 months ago

Well i guess 4chan is not a stranger to different kinds of phobias so your take makes sense