I'm the father of a son with Asperger's/High Functioning Autism. (He was diagnosed just before Asperger's was folded into Autism in general.) As I was reading up on Autism to see what my son was going through, I realized something weird. All these books on Autism were talking about me.

Now, once always known I was different, but I chalked this up to "stunted social growth due to excessive bullying in high school." Of course, this didn't explain why I did some things into my mid-30's.

I came to the realization that I'm Autistic. It was a tough realization to come to. My entire sense of self felt like it was destroyed. Everything I thought I knew about myself was wrong and I needed to rebuild my sense of self from scratch. Once I got over the shock, though, everything about my life made a lot more sense.

I never got a diagnosis, though, for various reasons. It would cost money when money was tight. It wouldn't have helped my son and I also had (unknowingly) developed coping mechanisms. So I'm undiagnosed, but 100% positive that I'm ND.

[–] Zumbador@mefi.social 3 points 1 year ago (2 children)

@TechyDad

It's profound, realising that you're autistic .

I wonder why some of us find it so traumatic, and others so liberating?

Maybe it's to do with how it happens. For me, I came to this self discovery after struggling with severe mental health problems that didn't seem to have any explanation.

Realising I'm autistic was an incredible release from self blame.

I think there's a unique journey for parents of autistic children, though. And not an easy one.

Be kind and patient with yourself.

@neamhsplach

[–] btaroli@federate.social 1 points 1 year ago

@Zumbador I find the realization of my #neurodivergence liberating in the it lifts the veil of mystery around my challenges. But there are still challenges. Now at least I might try improving that state. @TechyDad @neamhsplach @neurodivergence

[–] dpnash@mastodon.online 0 points 1 year ago (1 children)

@Zumbador @TechyDad @neamhsplach A lot of it may boil down to this:

Was #ActuallyAutistic a label chosen *by* you, as a result of accurate and compassionately-communicated information?

Or was it chosen *for* you, by people who were more interested in trying to “solve the problem” that is you, and are ultimately not motivated by acting for your own well-being?

(I spent most of my life in the second camp, and even on the best days, the term “autistic” is emotionally fraught for me.)

[–] Zumbador@mefi.social 1 points 1 year ago

@dpnash

Very true. And definitely something late realised autistic people are often not aware of.

But I meant to ask a different question, which is why people in the first group (realising they're autistic vs having been diagnosed by someone else ) sometimes have such different experiences.

@TechyDad @neamhsplach

[–] BZBrainz@mastodonbooks.net 1 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

@TechyDad @neamhsplach I hear many stories of parents discovering their own #neurodivergence through trying to protect, help, and advocate for their children’s (or other family member’s) needs. You are not alone. @actuallyautistic @audhd @Adhdinos #actuallyautistic #autism