Ignoring the obvious joke, she doesn't display any of Jesus's qualities. Is she gentle, caring, and compassionate? Does she humbly serve the poor and the disadvantaged? Does she forgive her enemies and bless those who oppose her? Does she sacrifice for the benefit of others!?

I'm a Christian and while I don't know for certain, I believe God knows the heart. But I don't expect to see her in Heaven...

[–] drolex@sopuli.xyz 89 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (4 children)

she doesn't display any of Jesus's qualities

Disagree.

She has long hair. Ok, not specified in the bible, but it's canon at this point.

Also the episode of Jesus whoring at the theatre... Wait what is this bible?

[–] Setarkus@toast.ooo 25 points 1 year ago (2 children)

For a moment I really thought there was something in the bible that could be seen as Jesus "whoring at the theater"

[–] lars@lemmy.world 13 points 1 year ago (1 children)

If US Christians are making it up as they go and seeing whatever they wanna see in the Bible, then I call upon you, my child, to announce your submission to the Parable of Jesus the Whore of the Theater and the Christ.

[–] Setarkus@toast.ooo 7 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I'll wait for a good uncensored chatbot to write me a seemingly truthful story about exactly that. I wonder how many people would believe it if I just showed them

[–] lars@lemmy.world 6 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Me and Jesus await with ’bated breath.

[–] Setarkus@toast.ooo 2 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I wonder what he'd say about fanfics concerning him

[–] lars@lemmy.world 1 points 1 year ago

Despite Him having:

known you’d be born in ≈2000 years
known He was dying for sins He defined and you commit, which He also knew and did nothing to prevent
having had the audacity to whine to His Dad when He unal*ved both a God and Himself in an act of auto‑sui‑dei‑but-also-somehow-fili‑cide-by-cop by and through the innocent hands of local law enforcement, our boys in blue, whom I still salute when I’m driving, and while those closest to Him, who were Jewish, could do nothing but listen to the moaning you are responsible for, but which He chose to endure
been surprised that His dad forgot about Him,

I believe He’d be surprised if there weren’t Oily/Annointed/Christ Josh/Jesus fanfics of a charismatic 33-year-old, may peace be upon Him, taking it both ends, my son.

[–] frezik@midwest.social 4 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Might be in one of the Gnostic gospels.

[–] drolex@sopuli.xyz 5 points 1 year ago

Brawndon 6:4-7 And thus went Big J to the theatre, for Pagliacus was in town. But when the spectacle started, Jesus was overcome by the lust of whoring. And so it came to pass that he was brought to the tribunal for indecent exposure, and whoring, and petty theft and also grand theft auto, bribery, and contempt, and illegal possession of firearms, and possession and sale of drugs, and illegal possession of a dangerous animal.

[–] eestileib@sh.itjust.works 16 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Jesus had hair like lamb's wool, canonically.

[–] GreatGrapeApe@reddthat.com 7 points 1 year ago (2 children)

And olive skin

[–] some_guy@lemmy.sdf.org 17 points 1 year ago (1 children)

No, he was the only white guy in the middle east, as proven buy all church depictions, which are basically photographs. /s

[–] GreatGrapeApe@reddthat.com 5 points 1 year ago

Or are based on Cesare Borgia

[–] pedro@lemm.ee 4 points 1 year ago

I knew the guy was an alien!

[–] Ya_Boy_Skinny_Penis@lemmy.world 9 points 1 year ago (1 children)

She is also white, like Jesus.

[–] drolex@sopuli.xyz 6 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

True true. And also christian, like Jesus the Jew.

[–] leaky_shower_thought@feddit.nl 3 points 1 year ago

i've heard about this supply-side jesus doing miracles. she pretty much raised some dead tent there.

[–] Chariotwheel@kbin.social 20 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Jesus would've given handies in the cinema if he was asked.

[–] usualsuspect191@lemmy.ca 5 points 1 year ago

Through the holes?

[–] ViewSonik@lemmy.world 3 points 1 year ago

👀

[–] someguy3@lemmy.ca 16 points 1 year ago (1 children)

MAGA Christian, which is the majority of "Christians".

[–] Empricorn@feddit.nl 0 points 1 year ago

I can't tell which part you're replying to. Are you saying I'm MAGA!? I agree that unfortunately most "Christians" are, but I dare you to check my history...

[–] los_chill@programming.dev 9 points 1 year ago (3 children)

Seems like "Christianity" and "following Jesus' teachings, words, and example" are completely at odds. I appreciate what you are saying. Why don't we hear Jesus Followers calling out "Christians" more vocally and often? I'd expect more of a break in the church at this point, but it seems like a fairly united front to me even now.

[–] samus12345@lemmy.world 6 points 1 year ago

I have to conclude that the vast majority of Christians are fine with people being shitty as long as they identify as Christian.

[–] Franzia@lemmy.blahaj.zone 5 points 1 year ago

There are Unitarian churches and similar places of worship that don't allow this bigotry.

[–] Empricorn@feddit.nl 1 points 1 year ago

Absolutely, they're at-odds! Church attendance is down and people like me will now walk out if the pastor/leadership starts talking about following Trump. As for why that is, I don't know. I think people have been following money and power rather than Jesus for a while now...

[–] Cornpop@lemmy.world 0 points 1 year ago

Give atheism a try, you won't regret it.