this post was submitted on 20 Jan 2025
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traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns
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I came out to my mom, the last person I really cared to tell. And I mean on the bright side it could have been significantly worse. She told me she loved me and was sorry I was going it alone for so long, and suspected a conversation like this would happen eventually. She thought I might be gay and was waiting on me to tell her. Butttttttttt then I told her my name and pronouns and if she would have told me it was a cute name, I would have cried some good solid happy tears. But she didn't. She said "I'm not sure I'd be able to use that yet. You'll have to give me time." Which to me reads like that's never going to happen.
my mom was the same when i came out to her a few months ago, had the "oh i'm not surprised but i just thought you were gay" and the "i might need time to use your name and pronouns."
spoiler
i wanted to give her some grace, figured it can take people some time to unlearn a reflex, but when it didn't seem like she was putting in any effort or taking it seriously. i had to have a talk with her about it. i tried to explain how much it hurt in a way that wasn't too aggressive or accusatory, but she just listed off things she thought proved she cared for me and respected my transness despite (in her words) "not updating her vocabulary in the timeframe i felt was appropriate."...the next time talked to her i got pretty blunt, told her that deadnaming or misgendering me was basically calling me a slur and that the "appropriate timeframe" to stop slurring is immediately, that she can't care for or love or respect me if she can't even address me with basic respect and dignity. i was very lucky and that got through to her, and she improved pretty quickly if for no other reason than she understood better how important it is to me.
obviously you know your own relation with your mom and your own relationship with conflict better than i do, but it may be helpful to be blunt with her about it? idk... i'm sorry if this isn't helpful or if you're not looking for advice
i hope she turns up for you. i hope she gives you the love and respect you deserve
I want to be a daughter so freaking bad
Find a Mommy!
That requires going outside and talking to people
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