this post was submitted on 20 Jan 2025
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one of my favourite graphs ever dunno if it's real but eh it's funny
love the difference on geese
personally I'd say rat house cat and medium dog are my definite I'd win not even that difficult maybe maybe the big dog but I dunno the dog could win any of the others are a hard no I'd die
Have Americans even seen what a goose does?
You’d have a hand around its neck, doing twirls for a shotput throw, and yeah, the goose goes like twenty-five meters back into the lake, and that’s fine.
But with a sinking realization as the goose fucks off, it stole your wallet.
1/3 of British people:
Have you ever tried to bathe a house cat?
Only a holy hand grenade could defeat a creature so vile
Americans are also some of the loudest, over-confident, self-absorbed, entitled people on the planet. Of course they believe they can take on any animal.
My apologies go out to the dozen other Americans who are cool.
Please divulge your location so I can talk shit about your country in turn
No problem, there's plenty shit about Germans too! Bunch of conservative assholes that are afraid of change and are fucking weird in general. Especially the people in East Germany and Bavaria. Bunch of cunts is what they are. Except for the dozen of people that are cool of course.
Fair enough :)
There is a family legend about an amorous goose. I don't know it well enough to tell it properly though, I wasn't there when it happened. But I do not understand the Statesian confidence in goose warfare.
Our confidence comes from experience. Canada has been sending their worst at us for generations. We fight geese as children.
Call 'em what they are, Cobra Chickens
That's the secret. They're all the worst goose.
I meant that in kind of a Trump "they're not sending their best" kind of way.
i gotchu. i'm just racist against geese is what i'm trying to say
That's only because you've been around them. Also, same.
Losers are shipped to the US, like Ryan Gosling, who was named after the baby goose that kicked his ass.
American male: I'm confident up to, but excluding the large dog. Now I'm sure there's a good chance I could win against a large dog, but it's not a big enough chance to call it "confident" and that's the first animal on the list where I can see things going very poorly for me if I don't handle the situation just right.
With the eagle, I'd probably get hurt (badly) and regret it, but what's the chance I'd lose the fight? I mean, their bones are fragile and once a wing is broken, it's game over for them.
Geese? We have Canada geese, amongst other species. They have a well-deserved reputation for their disagreeable personalities (especially when protecting their offspring). They can make you hurt if they wanted to, but an otherwise healthy adult human male can easily win in a fight with them as long as the human doesn't lose his nerve.
Your eyes are also very fragile and once they're gone it's over for you, and big birds are very well equipped for that.
And geese can bite your nuts.
I am not confident enough about both of those.
Large dog will fuck up most of humans 9 times out of 10.
we also have canada geese in the UK they're very common here terrifying beasts can break an arm
I guess Americans just have more experience in actually fighting those overgrown turkeys. Actually turkeys have spurs so they're a bit more of a threat to a human adult than geese are. I'd rather tussle with a goose than a wild Tom turkey.
Anyone could easily beat a king cobra in a fight if they're able bodied, the venom doesn't effect you instantly
More of a stalemate, then
i don't even think it's a stalemate most of the time, it's very easy to avoid getting bitten honestly, i think an able bodied human could win outright like 6/10 times if they're extremely careful and have a stick.
And the other 4/10 times are stalemates so...
This is great. I would never fuck with a goose! Although I think if you know how to grab it by the neck you'll be OK.
Do you have the source of the graph by the way? I would love to share it.
sorry no source I just googled brits vs americans fight animals or something and a couple of graphs like that came up just this one had numbers so I picked this image as I said I'm not even certain it's real but it's low stakes and funny
edit: I had a look apparently yougov is the source
https://yougov.co.uk/society/articles/35979-which-animals-could-britons-beat-fight
Here are the numbers themselves: https://d3nkl3psvxxpe9.cloudfront.net/documents/YouGov_-_Humans_vs_animals_UK.pdf
Thank you!!
I'm team "All animals must receive a pet"
I wouldn't fight a goose, but only lord knows how much would I fight to give the goose my headpats and to have it really tame around me.
I would bring my A-Game and armed to the teeth with peanuts, grapes, banana and pellets!
And this fight will be legendary taking many day and nights (actually, scratch the idea of taking nights. A healthy goose must have a healthy and undisturbed sleep)
Ahh I love this graph, true to the stereotypes as an American male I have spent way too long thinking about the different matchups. I think I could beat a chimpanzee, maybe... I'd have a huge weight advantage and that's not to be laughed at. Although I think they are very strong for their weight... but humans have better endurance probably. I think once I see red and my killer instincts activate I'd wipe the floor with him.
a chimp would kill you and make it look easy
Sorry, might be a problem for other people but I'm built different
"Everyone has a plan until they ~~get punched in the face~~ get inch long teeth embedded in their forehead"
Don't google chimpanzee attack.
I'd rather take on a goose than a cat/rat. Geese at least you can get a hold of easily.
bahahahahaha no