this post was submitted on 29 Oct 2024
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chapotraphouse
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Met my gf on Hinge. 5 free likes a day was plenty, I "liked" only people I legitimately was interested in going on a date with and sent them a message with the like. If they liked me back they'd usually send their own message (70%? more often than not) and I'd pitch a casual coffee date within a few messages. If they just "liked" me without responding I wouldn't double-text. If people aren't responding to you, I think there's probably something wrong with your messages. E.g. if you are sending like "hi", "what's up?", etc, people aren't gonna respond. If you message first (especially if you are masc) you gotta be prepared to carry the conversation and also show that you've looked at their profile. There may also be something wrong with your profile. Maybe you have a disqualifying quality, like being a communist, that people only notice after matching with you. If so I would suggest to make possible deal-breakers and red flags more obvious in your profile. Cuts down on the useless matches and makes your profile more interesting to the ones you're interested in.
You've probably already noticed this but in my experience Hinge skewed conservative. Pity since it's the best dating app tech-wise.
Yeah like I'll say I've done dating on both sides now, and I'm realizing that the competition if you're masc kinda sucks. Like, I was getting a lot of luck by just... Proposing a date, with a location etc, something casual pretty quickly? I picked up the tab etc all the things that are "expected" from a masc presenting person. And it usually went well.
In my experience most men out there basically want me to just come over and suck them off or something. They put in absolutely no effort and a good portion can't even control themselves not to be weird as hell and be overly horny with me. A good half of the messages I get are some version of "I want to fuck you now" which, tbh, is fucking weird!! Like I don't even know you sir!!
gross. honestly I've had a couple first dates that ended in sex and at least for straight men it's just not good bc of power dynamics. My armchair psychoanalysis is that these men either (a) are just legitimately fucked in the head and could still get their rocks off with a partner who is still background worried for her physical safety (b) don't actually want what they want, and that's why they're half-assing the whole dating app thing. So they can say they put themselves out there but they don't have to be actually vulnerable - self-destructive behavior except they're doing it by being actively shitty to women