this post was submitted on 29 Oct 2024
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chapotraphouse

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Yeah I know dating apps bad etc

I paid 17 dollars for the week pass allowing me unlimited likes 💀 of course because I’m desperate and they force you into that choice because using it for free you only get 5 free likes a day lmao. The problem is NOBODY fucking responds back to my messages, I’ve had 2 conversations out of 20 matches, one of the convos died after I asked them out, the other convo just ended abruptly for no apparent reason. It’s really demoralizing to say the least but I just don’t understand, if they don’t like me and accidentally sent a like they should just unmatch right away but they don’t.

The future is grim. How does anyone meet anyone anymore?

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[–] GaveUp@hexbear.net 12 points 4 weeks ago* (last edited 4 weeks ago) (1 children)

Go to play/kink parties. Start with a munch (casual social for kinksters) to dip your toes in. There's for sure tons in NYC. Depending on which ones you go to, you can also find ones with lots of queers, trans people, NDs, etc.

You can also try to find ones that fit your gender or racial identity though those are a bit harder

[–] Lerios@hexbear.net 3 points 4 weeks ago* (last edited 4 weeks ago) (1 children)

i've heard about these and i'm interested. i'm not in the US but i am in a very large city, so they presumably exist, but i've no clue how to find one - fetlife was my only lead and that appears to be kind of dead. i picked up a flyer for a regularly scheduled kink party at pride, but that seems to be pretty intense and have a very high bar of entry (expensive elaborate dress code)

if i can find them, would it be weird to go to one of those as a virgin? i don't really know what i'm looking for or how to talk about some of these things 🙃 would it be safe to go alone as a visibly afab person?

[–] GaveUp@hexbear.net 2 points 4 weeks ago* (last edited 4 weeks ago)

I'm not into my scene, just been to a few and know friends who go a lot. You should def try to find fem parties, they exist where I am. Also, just coincidence but I went to a queer POC one and most people there were AFAB surprisingly. But the hosts were also mostly AFAB and it was largely private invite only

A lot of play parties are kinda private though since it needs to be a safe environment so you kinda just have to try and meet people in the scene. I didn't try to look for any but because I gravitate to people/spaces with lots of queers, drugs, art, and neurodivergence, there was a lot of overlap with kinksters

I don't think it'd be weird to go to one as a virgin. Actual penetrative sex and even oral sex in my area at least is rare since kink/play is much more expressive and varied than typical sex acts