boymoding so i have two layers. you get to know me and it's like "actually i'm trans, please use she/her"

and then when i actually trust people to respect that i'm trans i'll be like "actually you can go back to using he/him sometimes if you like lmao"

I'm they/them to the homies, but the odd she/her feels good ngl. He/him is for work purposes only, any other time and

I'm they/them to normies, and it's generally for their sake and not mine, as I'm just sparing them the confusion.

I don't necessarily mind any particular set of pronouns, so I in theory go by any and all pronouns, but a lot of people, especially if they're cis, do not know to handle this. I've seen tropes such as people feeling as if they must switch up my pronouns in a single sentence, and then they struggle really bad by trying too hard. For example, someone might say something like, "They play bass, and he, err, I meant, she loves progressive metal." To clarify, the "they," "he," and "she" all are referring to me as an individual in this example.

I also get people thinking that it's best to say he, she, and they all at once for each instance of using my pronouns. For example, someone might say something like, "He/she/they play bass, and he/she/they love progressive metal."

For how this problem may affect me from my angle, some other things I've noticed are that I've gotten people who default to either she/her or he/him specifically, which are things that, on their own, are not bad to me, but they typically come with some invalidating implications in this context, i.e., someone who exclusively calls me she/her is typically neglecting the non-binary aspect of my identity, and someone who exclusively calls me he/him is playing a good ol' game of bioessentialism and thinking that I'm functionally no different than a cis man even though, unless one's under the belief that cis men typically take estrogen, that's demonstrably false.

All of this shit made me say, "Fuck it, I'll pick the pronouns for you all," and I guess "they/them" would be the least inaccurate from a "how society would interpret my gender based on what pronouns I go by" perspective. In a perfect world without all of these implications rooted in binarism and cisheteronormativity, someone would be able to just pick whichever pronouns they want to call me while still simultaneously acknowledging the validity of who I am through my experiences and identity, but that's not usually how it works in practice.

I find that people who are legitimately understanding of how personal and varied gender identity can be typically are people I feel comfortable telling that I go by any and all pronouns. However, people like the doctor that literally prescribes my fucking HRT, for some reason, think that me saying "I go by any and all pronouns" is me saying "I'm uncertain, so I'm just opening myself up to different possibilities before I decide," when in actuality, it's a part of the be-all and end-all of my identity for me to go by any and all pronouns. There is no confusion on my end.