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her,,, expolde
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external motivation, not understanding
Idk. For me it's a practical thing of feeling no motivation to transition because nobody is actively helping me? Like am I just supposed to do this?I apparently fooled everyone into thinking I'm a sad straight male who gave up on his life 4 years ago. I wish I could do anything on purpose as well as I've done that on accident.
The fact that nobody in my life suspected that I was queer or autistic or struggled at all feels like an indictment of my ability to communicate and build relationships. It feels like my support system lost track of me. That's where the shame comes from. The fact that nobody checks in on me is a sign that they've given up, it's certainly not a sign that they're still here.
A lot of times I feel like a Muppet that needs a human character to be their straight person, ground them in reality. I'm being forced to imply and discover a LOT of information that I'd rather simply be told by someone I can trust. It's tiring.
spoiler
Many such cases unfortunately. I've spent a very long time without any support group, and unfortunately your comment is very relatable, I had to learn the hard way too and learn I did. I didn't really have shame, I had lots of anger but I've had years to focus that.
I am in the process of learning the hard way. Any tips on how you did it? This speaks to my experience a great deal.
I did a load of research into autism and co-morbidity with adhd. I literally trawled the interwebs for information on autism and adjacent. Read anecdotal stories on
which did help a lot. I think spending hours and hours going through comment chains and finding similar experiences helped me understand myself more than most books on the subject would have. Because it's real people talking despite where I was reading about it.
Basically make a list of things that sound close to your experience and go read up on those, like I found out I have misophonia and light sensitivity, dyscalculia and dyslexia all from that research, I know that a lot of my quirks can be managed better from that knowledge too.
Thank you so much, comrade. I really appreciate it!
You're welcome
If you want to learn about other peopleβs experiences TikTok is nice.
Wish I could do tiktok. It is so addictive and overstimulating, so I avoid it as much as possible.
Fair, Iβm an addict who finds much of the content overstimulating. I like the informative and anecdotal stuff about AuDHD tho.
spoiler
The fact you are blaming yourself for the neuronormative, cisheteronormative assumptions of our dogshit hellscape is itself pretty messed up, you should not. Nobody twigged that I was autistic either. Fuck anyone who "gave up" on you.
Way too on the nose lmao... but uh sadly nobody else really tells us what we need to know, usually. Sucks.
It does suck.
If I knew what to ask, if I knew where to start, I'd have done that. I'm not a Question Wizard.
Uh, so you don't even know what to ask to get what you need? I'm slightly confused, sorry.
I mean, not with this.
I can ask someone to move their car if it's blocking me in. I can ask someone how they are. I can ask someone if something they said is really true.
But, like, what I need from other people? I don't know what I need from other people. People aren't consistent, so how does one depend on them? How can you establish needs when the people you need ghost you or misunderstand you?
spoiler
Asking someone, "Can you help me navigate my gender dysphoria?" or "Can you always reassure me and I always reassure you?" or "Can you be my Gender Friend?" feels different than that, though. Maybe it's the neurodivergence but I'm really caught up over at what point I'm burdening others by simply recounting things that have happened. I get so many mixed messages everywhere I go and nobody actively encourages me to speak my mind.So I stay quiet. It feels like I'd only be speaking up to say "I'm queer and you need to stop not texting me", because that's what I'd be doing. I don't know how to give myself that, or if that's anything to want at all.
I'm not trying to defend my thoughts, I'm trying to understand why I keep hitting dead ends. Idk I know I'm a mess
I mean, you gotta find decent people first. If I knew how to get decent people reliably I'd have a lot less trouble.
ohh, I see
Forgive me my misunderstanding of you earlier, this makes sense now.I think those are valid questions to ask, honestly. I wanna live in a world where asking someone for gender related help and stuff is totally normal. The mega is absolutely geared for that. I don't think what you describe would be burdensome to anyone, and imo it's on them to say so if it is. I think the whole "being a burden" framing is wrong and a bad meme though.
You should absolutely always post, though. I encourage people to post or ask things all the time, whenever I can, both broadly as a megathread thing and specifically to encourage people to infodump and such. I love when people post, and aside from just being a place for me to yap I view the trans mega as somewhat of a support structure. I think "I'm queer and I need you to stop not texting me" slaps, to be honest. You deserve to give yourself that.
wish I had someone to forcefem me.
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That hits hard for me :meow-hug: